Sick and tired of being sick

[Bbydoll]

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

[Guest_1055]

Wish I could advise you about friendships, and how they work. Is she more of the talker then? I do have a relative like that. And it seems like one sided. But I love her. I am guessing you must be excellent at listening though.

[Bbydoll]

I try and help her as much as possible but she just does whatever she wants and wonders why it doesn't work out properly. She just talks over me. Doesn't acknowledge anything I say. She says she understands what it's like to be depressed but won't help me... but she's bending over backwards for a new guy in her life that's battling with depression. I just don't know why I'm bothering with her.

[Bbydoll]

I'm still in a very bad pattern of sleeping all day and binge eating at night. I can't seem to stop it. I'm so tired and miserable. And unmotivated. I gained 18kilos in about 2 months. It's disgusting!!

[Guest_1055]

It's not easy this bingeing thing is it. It feels like we are trapped in its claws. It's the addictiveness of certain foods. They act just like addictive drugs do in our brains. I am struggling myself very much too.

Are you wanting to really get healthier and lose some weight. You can join me if you would like. Just let me know.

And I hear you

[monkey_magic]

Hi Bbydoll,

Nice to meet you. I've just read quite a bit of your thread and you have a hell of a lot going on huh...

You are a survivor.

I hear you with the whole binge eating, weight gaining thing. I just had a binge today, ate waaaay too much. Felt good at the time though.

It's slack of ppl to point out your weight esp when you have other serious things going on.

I've also gained a lot of weight due to meds stuffing up my body.

Not fair hey..

[monkey_magic]

Just to clarify I'm talking about your offline friends, no one here.

A while back I read that they mentioned you put on weight.

I hear it ALL the time in my off line world...

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Bbydoll & Shelll,

when I started seeing the psychiatrist back in March he wanted me to start a schedule of what I wanted to do each day.

so it started off with get some exercise, do a French class, wash my hair. Doesn’t seem like much at all. But I struggled with just those 3 things. Because I couldn’t get out of bed of a morning as I was (& still do) have trouble getting to sleep & staying asleep. So I would sleep most of the day, then by the time I got up I already felt I had failed, was too lethargic to do the exercise, was unmotivated for the French etc etc. I spoke about this with my psychologist & she said I was expecting too much of myself. She changed my thought process of thinking I need an entire workout session to just trying to get changed into work out gear. Even if I didn’t do anything more, it was a start. And just wanted me to build up up slowly to getting to a work out & when I did to reward myself.

I thought yeah, I can do that! But I still failed & blamed myself & hated myself & I grew more & more depressed. Weeks passed without a single workout or French class.

But then something different did happen. I had extreme feelings of guilt as I had been stood down from work due to Covid & I felt like a grub, living off my partner. On top of this, he would do the grocery shops on weekends because he also didn’t want me going out in public places with the virus around (I have 2 autoimmune conditions). I did try to get online groceries but back in April everything just went a bit nuts & I couldn’t even get an online order in as they were booked out weeks in advance.

so then I decided the least I could do was cook dinner. The first night I did it I actually felt like I achieved something. The food was decent, my partner thanked me & for the first time in ages I felt good about something. Fast forward a few weeks & I have been cooking 6 nights a week for almost 2 months 😮

Even weirder, I then started looking up recipes for new dishes to try & cook. And I don’t even like cooking 🤣

But what I do love is trying new foods, & even more, I love seeing my partners face when he gets home from work & dinner Is almost ready. The dishes would sit in the sink overnight, but I started making sure I washed them the following day. In the past 2 weeks without even realising it I have been doing the dishes every night.

small things do count & you just need to find that 1 small thing that might help change your outlook. I’ll write more later, I’m out of space

[Bbydoll]

Hello Monkey_Magic,

Thanks for the comments. And yeah I sure have. I guess something had to give. It never ceases to amaze me that people who are supposed to care about you can be so brutal with their words. I've been underweight when very unwell and overweight and every weightin between. And have had "comments" given to me at both end of the scales. And honestly it's none of their business... they're not living with what I'm dealing with. And if roles where reversed, I wouldn't be commenting on their weight!!

Hi Shelll,

I've bulk bought my shopping of high carb stuff because it's cheaper... and has to last a couple more weeks. Then I need to see a dietitian to figure out what is best for my health and weightloss goals etc.

[Bbydoll]

Hi BigBlue;

Thanks for your insight again. You're lucky to have such a kind partner! I hate cooking, and especially as it's just for me! I had to cook for my family as a teenager - and my brother would always complain about what I'd cooked... so ever since then.. it's been such a chore to do it.

Thanks for the positive support.

[TheBigBlue]

Oh bummer about not enjoying cooking. That really does make it hard to get motivated to do it. And yes, cooking for one often feels like such an effort.

i can be pretty lazy, so I sometimes cook a dinner that will last 2 nights. Like a beef casserole. I started off having it one night with veg & 1 night with rice.

Obviously it doesn’t have to be something quite as time consuming as a casserole, but if you ever have the energy to make something, just make a bit extra. Stir fries or curries are always easy to reheat the next day. Or if making a salad, make a bigger amount so you have a side dish for a few dinners. I sometimes make my own version of a tuna, pasta salad. Just boil the pasta, let it cool & add cherry tomatoes, a tin of tuna, some rocket, celery, boiled eggs, cashew nuts, (basically anything you like). Then I mix a little French dressing in with some mayo to make a dressing. I can usually get 3 meals out of that one, used to be good for lunches at work. And you can be sneaky & add more salad items & less pasta to make it less carb heavy 🤣

I do like your idea of seeing a dietician though, great idea! If you do want to try & eat healthy, just start small so it’s something you can stick with. Like maybe cook 1 healthy meal a week. Just one so it’s not too overwhelming. Or replace one of your daily snacks with a slightly healthier option. I’ve taken a liking to nuts lately, cashew, almonds, pistachio in place of potato chips which I seemed to be addicted to. I think it’s the salt!

i also invented my own sort of trail mix for snacks so I mix in some of those soy rice things, nuts, some other dried veggie snacks from the shop, sometimes if that gets boring I add a little popcorn or pretzels just for some salty flavour.

Anyway, some of the above may appeal, or maybe no one of it. It doesn’t matter. It’s just what I do to try & eat better rather than eat junk all the time. But a dietician would likely have even better ideas that may work for you 👍

Anyway, I hope the week remains calm & the sun stays shining for everyone reading this thread