Sick and tired of being sick

[Bbydoll]

Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.

I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.

I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

[Bbydoll]

Hi Tim, I had planned on doing a big grocery shop online; and then pay everything off in installments. However after I put in the grocery shop and an afterpay payment- I was left with $20. I didn't know beforehand that afterpay had taken out the 2 outstanding payments I had owing. Normally they send off an email as a thank you. My balance now is completely paid off.

It looks like my next pay will be something like glasses, phone bill, electricity bill and top up on most of my meds. (I bulk ordered quite a bitof food and hope that it lasts the 4 weeks!).

Then I need to get the rest of my money for my teeth - mostof that will be paid with the $750.

I really appreciate you reading and responding to my posts. It means a lot, that someone is listening.💓

[Bbydoll]

Hi Shell,

Thank you so much for reading and responding to my post. Yes I'm struggling hence my posts. I'm doing this on my own and mentally and physically tired from struggling with everything that's going on.

When I say that I'm sick and tired of being sick. I mean that I'm battling several illnesses, as well as chronic pain and I'm tired of feeling unwell and run down. I do everything the doctors suggest but I'm getting more complications the older I get! I've just started taking a multivitamin to see if that helps at all.

Eating healthy foods is difficult because I've had half of my bowel removed due to illness. Once I'm ontop of my finances. I will endeavor to fix up what I eat. At the moment it's mostly carb based foods. Which is not ideal for weight; especially when walking is painful.

I'm not sure that vision Australia would be able to help. I'm only slightly short sighed. So need them when I'm out and about trying to catch a bus. The signage on it is a bit blurry.

[Bbydoll]

Still binge eating and barely sleeping. Doesn't help that I'm cold and tired and depressed all the time lately.

[Guest_1055]

Hey, how you going

Binge eating, not sleeping well, being cold and tired may be all connected. Then the depression. Bit like a circle.

Have you got a heat pack or hot water bottle? They can be real toasty and are not expensive to buy. I have one of those, it can bring a sense of comfort hugging one.

What do you get up to in the day anyway?

[Bbydoll]

Hi Shell, lately - it's been sleep from morning until late afternoon/early evening. Binge eat whatever is available. Beat myself up for wasting another day and eating so much. Go online, or watch whatever is on tv. Or listen to music and go to bed in the early hours of the morning. I've been sleeping with my electric blanket on!! With a tracksuit and bed socks on. I do have a few adult onesies that are warm but need to be washed and it's supposed to rain all week.

One of my other illnesses that I have affects circulation. So even when it's warmer. My hands and feet are cold. I wear thick socks and boots when I go out.

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Bbydoll,

One thing I am trying to learn is not to be so critical of myself. My psychologist caught me out (again) being critical of myself & what I had failed to do that day. Then she asked me if I had a friend who had the exact same day as me would I think badly of her. The answer was no. Had it been my friend I would have thought she was having a nice relaxing day!

She gave me another good example. I’ve been really depressed about being stood down from work while the Covid situation was ongoing. I was really disgusted at myself for not being able to contribute financially to the household bills. Then she asked about my niece (who is 3). She asked if my niece cooks (no). Does she work & bring money in (no). Does she drive? (no). Does she have her own set of keys to the house? (no). The psychologist then asked me if she was a burden, if she should contribute more, if I loved her less because she couldn’t currently contribute? I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with such questions because my niece is 3 & of course she can’t do any of those things. So I was asked, what good is she? And I was saying she just a kid, she’s family, I love her etc etc.

But it did make me realise that the way I see my niece & love her unconditionally is how the people around me feel about me. How I see myself is not how the people around me see me.

its a hard thing to realise & accept that we ARE important, we ARE worthwhile, we ARE loved, we DO have value.

So just try not to be too critical of yourself. You have depression, this is an illness. If you had a virus you wouldn’t question yourself spending days in bed, why is depression any different? if you can, try & later your perspective a little (it’s bloody hard, I know). Try & think of these days as time spent recovering, not days wasted. And your days won’t always be like this, in time things will change.

Try to be kind to yourself through the tough times. You deserve some kindness

[Guest_1055]

Hey Bbydoll and TheBigBlue,

Thankyou I really liked the little story about your 3 year old niece. It's really good.

[Bbydoll]

Hi BigBlue, thankyou for your insight. I've got a 6month old niece, so I can kind of relate to your example. I've spent a couple of days with a long time friend who has dealt with depression. But when I try talking to her about my problems - she talks over the top of me. And is more supportive of a guy she's just started dating. It makes me feel like I'm not that important to her. I enjoyed spending time with her; but I second guess the friendship... and it gets quite draining when she's talking about her issues with this new guy. Whilst I'm trying to dealing with issues on keeping my head above water. I just wonder sometimes if I'm just better off on my own.

[Bbydoll]

Hi Shelll,

How are you doing??

[Bbydoll]

Spoke to my "friend" again. She's off on another date with a different guy and still going on and on about the guy that she's developed feelings for. I mentioned that my health is causing me problems and whilst she can't do anything to fix my health. She completely ignored it. And went on to her issues. Why am I bothering with her?? I'm surely better off on my own after all.