I was watching Masterchef too, sure did not look like the meal I had prepared tonight..some of those desserts looked amazing!
I am glad that Leeann is up now and with you, you sure have had an emotional day.
You are enough Ely, you are more than enough and you don't have to be anything to anyone, it is ok that your mother cannot support you in the way you need her to, we are not able to make people do the things that they are not capable to do, while it hurts and it is frustrating there really is no way we can change another person. Maybe she too is worried that she is not enough for you and it comes across all wrong, we just don't know how she is feeling and how she is coping with your struggles, but there is no doubt she loves you Ely.
You have a wonderful partner who is by your side and is trying to learn how to support you and we can see she is really trying to communicate with you how you need her to and doing the things you have asked her to to make you feel supported.
Your Oma also knows you love her too, if she is anything like my grandmother she would always put me before herself and if she knew it would be so hard for me to see her in hospital she would understand, that it wasn't about me not caring but about my ability to cope. I think you hear what I am saying here too.
Ely, you are doing so well and the only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday, cliche I know but it is true, you don't have to be anything to anyone, it would be exhausting to be running around all day trying to do right by everyone and making everyone happy, in the end you would be most unhappy.
We just watched the Paramedics show, they are just amazing the things that they do for our communities, they just don't get enough credit in my book.
Hugs
Sarah
