Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Richie01]

Ill definitely be seeing an accountant! I have no records prior to like 2010. Im surprised i even have that.

Planning your therapy.... Your not really doing that C, your just acknowledging what you are ready for and want to discuss the things that you feel important since the last time you were there. If anything, i think thats a positive, it shows that you are not pushing it away. I think the exposure therapy may one day be something that could be a step foward but this is not a race and there are no quick fixes, i wish it was that way but ive realized that we have to pace ourselves and do this 'self care'we are undertaking the right way for us. Why tear down all of the walls we have meticulously built just to replace them with another. We placed every stone in those walls over such a long time, its part of us and its going to take some time. I know we will both get there, aside from everything we are doing independently, we have a pretty good safety net that adds a little something else 😊

Glad your days a bit calmer, mine has been full on but in a good way. Gotta make the most of the last two days here!!!

Chat again soon

[May Tee Tee]

ATO requires lodgements

eg even on years your on centrelink payments or away overseas.

Hope this settles your concerns.

[Catie 08]

Anxiety is off the charts today.
Going back to therapy has got me all stired up. I know I'll be ok once I go but 🤢.

[Richie01]

Hey C,

You've got this (sound familiar)🙂. I know where you are at, i really do. Its never an easy day, you can be positive about it until five minutes before and then bam! I know its been playing on your mind since the last time you went but just remember that even the hard days help us to progress in one way or another.

Ill be here if you want to chat about it afterwards, you know that.

One day left here for me 😬 feel like im about ready to have a moment but ive got to work through this. One step at a time hey. We will get through this C and youll get through today another step in front of where you were yesterday. Not avoiding what makes us anxious is a real sign of strength, i know its hard to see that sometimes but it really is.

Im really proud of you for today 😊

[Richie01]

Thanks May Tee Tee,

I just cant remember not doing them to be honest. Too long ago and not a good time in my life but ill get it sorted one way or another.

Richard

[Catie 08]

I did it phew!! I was a total train wreck to start with, I couldn't even talk to him but I finally calmed down enough to talk and ended up bitching about my mum the whole time😳🤷‍♀️. Progress is progress right? He said he has been really impressed at how hard I've been working on everything and how much I'm pushing myself to do the things that i know are uncomfortable (yes, I know I pay him to say that - still nice to hear it though lol). Im going back again next week....
One day left and then you have a huge drive to "not work". I'll come up with some songs for you to add to your playlist once I get home. We've got this 😊

[Catie 08]

Ok, a little something for your playlist.....

Judah Kelly - count on me
Hilltop hoods - 1955 & exit sign
Powderfinger - passenger
Jon Decade- just another day
Tom Walker- leave the light on

Just a few to get you started 😎

[Richie01]

Last night here and it was a 15 hr day yay!!

Look at you go C. It’s so true that if we find the words to start, the rest come freely. So proud of you ☺️ And wow, your going back next week!!! It must have ended on a really positive note. I admire how hard you push yourself, I know how easy it is to put it all aside for another day but you don’t do that Unless you have to. Just remember to relax when you have the chance ok. Thanks for the playlist, knew all bar one. Think We definitely have very similar taste.
I’m really glad your appointment went well compared to last time.it put a smile on my face when I read that.
time to pack up life for another three weeks now. Washing is in, just have to squeeze everything into my bag now. It’s exhausting prepping for tomorrow, I’ve really gotten used to this cocoon I have out here. Time to face the real world again. Wish me luck 😬

Hope you have had a good night.
You am I night for me. Damage and heavy heart. Might be leading towards gyroscope later. Have an hour or two worth of reports to do before bed!!!

[Catie 08]

Gyroscope!! Yes, I haven't listened to them in forever. Tomorrow's inspo sorted 😊

Man, that's a long day and your still not done. Hopefully you get some decent sleep so your ok to drive tomorrow. Not long now and you'll see your little people. We have school holidays coming up at the end of next week, do your kids have the same holidays?
Please try and keep your focus on the positives when your back the best you can but if you feel like your wavering, I'm just a message away to bounce your thoughts off. You know I know it's not as easy as we want it to be.
Drive safe
C.

[Richie01]

Thanks C,

Where have the mates like you been all my life!!!

It was gyroscope till midnight lol. They are pretty good. Amy Shark tho this morning tho. Shes up there in my list lately.

Not long now, another hour or two at work. Little stressed but not as bad as normal strangely. Maybe im getting used to it? I think the school holidays are next week here too. Might take the kids camping up the beach. Big fire at night with too many marshmallows for their own good lol. Just did the whole BCF online purchase of their own swags so we dont need to set up a full tent. Going to teach them how to set them up, theyll love it.

Are you back at work today?

Have a good day and thanks for everything. Cant say this is a friendship i ever saw coming 😊