Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Catie 08]

Todays music inspo.... Mike waters - im doing fine 😊

[Richie01]

Hey Catherine,

I know the feeling of long quiet car trips! As therapeutic for us as they can be, they leave a lot to be queried by those around us...

had therapy today, sort of a prelude to next break going into EMDR. Brought some really confronting stuff up, not really sure e how I feel about it all to be honest. I want to sound strong and all over this but I’m not, I’m terrified. Anyway, it’s all progress right? God I wish I had someone like you up here!! Just to bugger of with for an hour or ten and have a coffee and not have to explain this all to!!!!!! That’s life tho right?
going sailing to an island tomorrow, three nights on my friends 45 foot cat will ease the stress!!! Sorry I havnt been in touch, been a bit off, I know you get that 😊 hope you are well, I really appreciate what we have here c, wrote something for you but I’ll leave it for another time.
take care, always here for you no matter what, I mean that.

Richard

[Catie 08]

Hi Richie, so good to hear from you. It's taken me until late this afternoon to start pulling myself out of this funk ive been in. I hate that it can take me so long to realise what I'm doing but I think part of me is trying to take time to process things and in doing that I get caught up with it all?? I agree, I think a coffee catch up is exactly what I needed.

Every time you even turn up to therapy it's progress. I think I'm starting to realise that going into therapy with such strong expectations is actually unhelpful. The times that I turn up and just go with it and just let it be what it's going to be is when I come away feeling the best (not always possible I know). You don't have to be all strong and in control, therapy is tough and scary but I've got your back. I know you can do this 😊. Do you go again next week too?

I'm not working on Wednesday but I'm not booked in for therapy either, I feel a bit lost. I almost feel like I'm relying on it too much and a week off is probably a good thing so I can learn to cope on my own a bit more whilst also using the new tools I've learnt but a day off with just me and my thoughts... I'm kind of getting a taste of what your "not work" days must be like?

Um excuse me..... Your sailing to an island..... 😳.... meanwhile im sitting inside with the heater blearing and a puffer jacket on trying to not freeze my ass off.... jealous!!!!!! Enjoy it!! What i would give to escape to a nice warm island.... one can only dream.

I look forward to hearing what you have written 😊

Take care of you, you will be exhausted after today.

C.

[Catie 08]

Oh, and maybe a warm sunny island inspired profile pic??

And I'm in need of some new music inspo... I've had pearl jam on today but maybe something else you could recommend??

[Richie01]

Hey,

Its all about what we make of it I guess. I had expectations when I started therapy, I think they have changed a lot tho as I’ve progressed. I don’t really know what to expect now, I just know that even the days I feel like everything is too much are probably the important ones. I think we have to go backwards to go forwards.... there’s too much history there that has a way of popping up. We will get there Catherine 🙂

yep, off to an island. I’ll see how I go with a pic. I’m pretty closed when it comes to pics and stuff. My Facebook profile has like five posts over ten years, The more I think about it, the more I realise I just like to be invisible I guess. I’ve always been that way, pretty easy to work out why.
I think a day to yourself will be good for you, therapy is great but you have been really pushing yourself and maybe a day for you will be just what the dr ordered. Even if you just lay in bed rugged up listening to Sarah mcglaclain or roxette lol.
IF I can give one bit of advice for your day off, don’t plan too much and don’t think your wasting time if you choose to do nothing. I know what your going through, Our personal war with the past takes a huge toll let alone keeping up appearances and putting on the faces we need the world to see us as. It’s hard to explain it all isn’t it... I know We don’t need to, I love that it’s something we just understand about each other but trying to make others realise what we face most days is a pretty daunting thought!!
im just rambling now so I’ll say have a good day. Take care Catherine. Look forward to hearing about your day 😊

so random song Berlin- take my breath away????? Don’t know why, it’s just a song that reminds me of happier times.
Jack Johnson flake. That’d be my choice for today.

Richard

[Richie01]

Oh, and I don’t know how I’ll go for reception after today so I’ll touch base when I can. Take care

[Catie 08]

Hi May Tee Tee,

So I remembered you saying that you listen to classical music.... anything in particular you would recommend?
I quiet like the sound track to the pride and prejudice movie and i listened to that today at work but I'm open to trying anything you might recommend 😊
I'm finding myself being drawn back into the same few songs (often dark and moody) and I tend to play them very loud and on repeat but I need to try and shake myself out of it. Open to any new suggestions 😊

[Catie 08]

Today was no work Wednesday 😊. I slept in, bought some new shoes and then ended up going out for lunch with a dear friend but she told me that her daughter had been self harming, she is just 12. There is so much pain and sadness everywhere you look 😥. Of course I offered support in any way I could but oh how I wish there was more I could do. If nothing else, I hope that my struggles one day won't be for nothing. If I could some how, some day be strong enough to help others I think my cup would be full and I will have found my purpose. Mental health battles are the worst!! 😥

[Sophie_M]

Hi Catie 08 , thanks for getting in touch and we’re sorry to hear about what you’re going through. It sounds like you have had a difficult day today. If you would like to talk more about it, we’d suggest you get in touch with one of the professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service. We can be reached 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or on email and Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) through our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport .

We are sorry to hear about what your friend's daughter has been going through. You mentioned that you have offered support, which is wonderful. If you have not already checked it out, we suggest that you have a look at the Headspace website as your friend might find their resources to be useful. They offer referrals, low-level counselling, and face-to-face counselling for depression or anxiety and other life issues for 12-25 year olds. Their website is https://www.eheadspace.org.au/.

Please keep checking in and updating us on how you're going whenever you feel up to it.

[Catie 08]

Struggling a bit today. Feeling overwhelmed, shortness of breath, tight chest, mind racing.... I know it's just the anxiety talking but I'm struggling to calm it today. I just rang to talk to my Dr but next appointment isn't until Monday. I wish I could just hibernate somewhere and come out all fresh and ok in the spring. Days like today are tough. Just breath right