Dear Shell, I just want to assure you that you are not doing anything wrong. Whatever you write for your reasons to live is valid.
I have struggled greatly myself in recent weeks and like you have been searching for those reasons to keep going. I have come to realise more clearly than ever that my struggles now stem from basic struggles with survival from a very young age. I know for me a severely harsh inner critic was in me from my earliest memory because of the circumstances I was born into. I was effectively emotionally abandoned at birth, so in a sense I have been abandoning myself in various ways for years, culminating in feeling like giving up all together.
But what I have learned from these things is all the stuff my inner critic says is a product of the circumstances I’ve lived through. It is not actually me or a reflection of my value (or perceived lack thereof).
What I am trying to say is you have great value and worth as a person, no matter what things your inner critic may say to you, what faults you think you have etc. I know you are a gentle and sensitive soul and that is a great thing in this world that can be very lacking in sensitivity at times. I know you have value.
All those things are a beautiful wishes such as those you hold for your son. I know you love him so, so much. I wonder if you can find some of that love for yourself too? I know I find it much easier to love others than myself. But I am finding little by little that I’m developing a kinder voice towards myself at least some of the time. I wonder if you can find that kinder voice in you?
Sending you much kindness,
ER
