Nothing good has happened for 2 years and I’m done

[Chumptastic]

Hi,

since finding out my husband of 12 years cheated & lied to me for the whole relationship yet portraying himself as a champion of women & a totally devoted empathetic husband my life has gone from one disaster after another. My 21 year old son had seizures & was in icu in feb. Unknown cause & he still can’t drive, still going for lots of tests & specialist appts, my 2 cats died in the last 6 months. I had to put my beloved horse down last Friday. My job ends in 2 weeks & I don’t have another. And my now ex is being horrendous about the property settlement. I’ve had to hire a lawyer at $500 an hour to even get just 50% which the ex is only conceding to give me 44%. That’s the measure of his fake remorse. They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Bullshit. There’s only so much you can take before your permanently damaged. I had an ultrasound to check a cyst yesterday & was disappointed to learn the cyst has shrunk. Ovarian cancer would have been a graceful way out of the shitstorm that is my life.

[Chumptastic]

Thanks EM. I’ll give the WLS a go for advice & also 1800RESPECT for psych info.
As thankfully I don’t have kids with FW ex I don’t need to worry about the impact my mental health issues have on my family law case. My mental health issues do impact & will continue to impact on my ability to work thus under 75(2) of the act I can ask for an adjustment in my favour. This is only fair given the trauma the FW has put me thru.

[ecomama]

Awesome. Best wishes for Settlement!

See how you go. I hope your work becomes more manageable and even enjoyable one day!

EM

[Chumptastic]

Well I’ve crashed. Not gonna lie I’m back where I was before hospital. Maybe even worse. I’m waiting to see Gp for my nausea & stomach pain but I will tell him about how low I am. How do people manage when their lives are much worse than mine? I just hate everything about my self &beibg suicidal makes me feel so guilty.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Chumptastic,

Thank you for reaching out here and keeping us updated on how you're going. We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling so low at the moment, but please know our wonderful community is here to help you through this. It's also really great to hear that you are taking a brave and important step in opening up to your GP about these feelings.

Please know that support is always here for you in the meantime if you'd like to talk things through with a counsellor, or if these feelings become too overwhelming to cope with. Our friends at Lifeline are available 24/7 on 13 11 14, or you can visit ttps://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat for webchat from 7pm-midnight (AEST). The supportive counsellors at Suicide Call Back Service are also available 24/7 on 1300 659 467, or you can visit https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au for online chat, available anytime.

We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums, and please feel free express your thoughts and feelings here whenever you feel ready.

[Chumptastic]

Saw my Gp & he nearly scheduled me but backed down when I got distressed. Gave him an undertaking I won’t hurt myself until he calls me Friday. 

[ecomama]

Hey 'tastic

I'm sorry to hear you've crashed. How did you go with your GP?

You are dealing with alot of hurt, anger, frustration and more.... there's no room for guilt as well... ditch that and get all the help you need.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

You're doing the best you can and I KNOW you will make it through this.

Quite often we do have 2 steps forward and 3 back and that's normal with all you're dealing with.
But you made headway and when you're able to, will do so again.

Take this time and just breathe out, do what you need to for YOU.
Know we're all here supporting you and care about how you're faring.

IDK if your ex feels this way but what got me right out of the funk over time was KNOWING ex wanted to see the end of me. ex would have LOVED that, then he could walk away with the lot. Which was it's plan all along.

I realised that my kids needed me in any state far more than anything else... and that an evil person was not going to take my children's mother away from them all. They are too important for that. So are you and your children.

Praying for strength and healing for you Tastic.
Love EM

[Chumptastic]

Thanks for your reply Em. I’m so sorry you went thru such hell with the ex. He sounds much more abusive then mine. You must have amazing strength & resilience to have come thru to the other side. Do you ever fully heal? Because I don’t think I ever will. 14 years of believing he was a beautiful amazing person & I was the luckiest person in the world, then to wake up & realise he was really the devil has been shattering. Realising that I went along with his sexual abuse during the marriage is now fueling him with a sob story that makes him look good is crushingly painful.
I’ve come through some really horrible times but this has been the worst. The brainwashing is worse than my first ex who was emotionally & physically & financially abusive. At least he was open about the cruelty. That was hard to heal from but I got there because I was younger. And I thought I had a great new relationship with Cheater.
I can’t see me healing from this. I can’t see anything changing. Only getting worse.

[ecomama]

Dear tastic

Yes I am healing from this. Dear sister YOU WILL TOO.

Make no bones about it, I WILL DO ANYTHING and everything in my power to heal my life and my children's lives in the most beautiful of ways.

Indeed it's happening now.
I've intended it.
NOTHING and no one will stop me.
Nothing and no one will stop you either.

Good always conquers evil.

The truth ALWAYS rises.

ex from your life was indeed a "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" the title of a book I read within the first year after D Day. It describes narcissists. ex from here is a psychopath which I found out from Police later. (It wasn't my first marriage either & ex was also abusive in similar ways - my children reported also which was horrifying).

Please now get a Folder and put ALL the INCREDIBLE things in there that YOU INTEND for your life.
Imagine those things with pure love and joy in your heart!
MINE ALL CAME TRUE! (There is a thread here you can visit now or later on this..)

For now know you can muster all the healing energy needed to heal & deal with whatever bs ex throws at you.
LAUGH at it even, even through tears you can laugh at the hideous lies.

It makes no difference. This is all about MONEY to him, make it about that for YOU too.
Fight for your share.
Then be done.

Even now the fog is clearing for you with you admitting to yourself first that he was abusive during the marriage. ex isn't the person you imagined. it never was.

To help you sleep (and avoid alcohol to assist) you can do a visualisation I made up - if you want to know - I was having panic attacks in my sleep during the long Court processes. My visualisation helped alot.
This year I found the most incredible Meditations on YouTube by Dr Joe Dispenza. There is a sleep one you can listen to. I HIGHLY recommend all his work for healing on every level.

You CAN be fully present in your rational mind to deal with the physical crap required to disentangle from that past.
You can HEAL also... It's taken pointed and focused energy and attention for me to do so but if I can, anyone can.

You've GOT THIS.

Remember the best revenge is living your BEST life.
Another favourite is "I thought I married my knight in shining armour but I married an idiot in tin foil" lol.

Humour will help ALOT... visit Chump Nation whenever you can. We are mighty. 😉

EM

[Chumptastic]

Thanks EM. Its been a while since I've been on here. Had another hospitalisation - GP called me and then an ambulance after an episode...I've told him I won't go willingly next time...Hospitals are only to prevent you dying for as long as they have you there, they don't make you better.

I now have a psychiatrist and she's put me on medication for depression and sleep. One is very effective buy the other hasn't kicked in yet.

I also have a boyfriend. Of sorts. He wants to see other people & that's not what I want. But he's a dr & smart and funny. I thought getting into a new relationship would make me feel better. But it hasn't. Only makes my life more complicated. It does help with loneliness I guess. For a short time anyway.

My work contract ends next month & I haven't done half the things I need to bc of the depression. I also have 2 supervisors wanting me to write papers and the project boss wanting data analytics. Impossible to do both in the time remaining. Impossible to do even one with the way I'm feeling. I know I need to call lifeline.

You know my dreams are so tiny now...little house with a veggie patch & chooks somewhere regional. But I'm not even able to manage that as ex won't settle so the money from the farm we sold is sitting in someone else's account.I'm having trouble understanding how someone who told me endlessly how much he loved & adored me for 14 years could be so cruel when it was entirely his fault the marriage ended. If I could wipe my memory of all the lies, cheating and deception & go back in time to be with him again I would. My life would be so much better even with a lying cheater. As long as I didn't know.

[ecomama]

Oh dear you do have a lot of stress on you.

Is there anything your Lawyer can do to push the settlement through? IME they are pretty powerless. A person I know has only just had her FL case end after 12 years.

Sounds like the new bf is using the situation to suit himself, as long as you can do the same?
Pretty tricky.

If I could go back in time, I would avoid ex LIKE THE PLAGUE lol. Run for the hills!
We still deal with damage he's doing out of CCTV camera range. I might put in more and cut trees down to see the road... IDK... thinking about that just now.

I agree about hospitilisation, too many testimonies here to deny it. Such a shame.

How are the psychiatrist appts going?
I hope the meds kick in and do a brilliant job for you. It's such a difficult time.

EM