Mixed feelings

[Guest_4593]

I promised myself i would stay off this and i would stop talking about how im feeling, but im just so overwhelmed right now, i can feel my anger boiling over right now even though half hour ago i was crying, i cant explain it but i just wanna physically hurt right now.. and i should just get a diary instead of writing on here but it helps me to write and feel like someone is actually, not listening but knows how i feel even though i don't no anyone
I dont wanna deal with this anymore and i dont know what to do about it . Im actually scared because i dont wanna hurt anymore but i dont wanna make anybody else hurt either

[Ggrand]

Hello Nic...

You ask..what are you fighting so hard for...A question I’ve asked myself several times....and still do..

The answer is you, me, Aaronis, Geoff, Mary, and everyone else that gets to have the privilege of meeting you and getting to know you....

I stepped away from people, I have my one day volunteer work at a charity shop..and the three girls that work their are the only ones that I talk to..except for here...I have a massive distrust with people..So my reason for fighting so hard is the universe, the trees, clouds birds, sun, wind, rain,mountains,lakes,beach etc....These are what I’m fighting so hard for because they need me as much as I need them...You belong here Nic..no two ways about it..The people telling you that you don’t belong here...are not nice people at all...and their are plenty of them around....

I know you belong here in our amazing community, your a family member now..and I for one want to get to know you better...and offer my support, a listening ear..and some chatting with what ever you like to talk about...I’m looking forward to that so much....if that’s okay...

Through your words, I can hear you are very caring, because you say...you don’t want to hurt anyone....and definitely you are very significant because while your posting here, unawares to you, you are helping people who use this forum...

Nic..Is it possible for you to speak to your gp, about how your feeling with your mental health?...

Here for you Nic...I’m sitting quietly next to you today, with my care, kind thoughts and hugs...🤗...

Please Nic...Try hard to be kind to you...and your beautiful soul...

Grandy..

[White_Rose]

Hello Nic

I'm numb,..uncaring, unwanted, irrelevant, and constantly being told I don't belong. (Take a step back from the forum's) .also....what am I fighting so hard for

As Grandy has said, you are fighting for all that makes us part of life. The sun, moon and stars and everything in this universe of ours. The loss of even one soul diminishes us all. I think you feel numb from all the pain you have been holding inside yourself and I am concerned the dam will will burst. Please talk to us if you do nothing else.

I don't believe you are uncaring, you are certainly relevant and wanted and you belong in this world as much as anyone else. Those who say such cruel things to you are thoughtless and unable to see what a treasure they have in their midst. Stay with us here and accept our support.

Mary

[Guest_4593]

I wanted to say thank you to all of you from the bottom of my heart, you are all truly amazing people and im very grateful for you all reaching out to me ... thank you... i wish nothing but the best for all of you

[Aaronsis]

Hi Nic1233

We wish nothing but the best for you too and hope that you are ok, that you do feel the support that we have for you here and that we care very much about you.

How are you feeling today? Have you been able to reach out to one of the support lines to have a chat and to speak to someone who may be able to give you some support over the phone?

We are here with you to fight, to fight the next hour, the next day and to see that there is hope, there are better days ahead and you are worth finding that out, you matter and we care.

Hope to chat some more to you Nic1233, I hope you are safe.

Hugs

Sarah

[Guest_4593]

Thanks sarah, sorry no i still haven't reached out its been on my mind lately as things get worse but its not that easy for me, everyone not in my family are telling me daily get help go to a gp. Its hard for me to ask for actual help ..
and im a much better listener than I am a speaker so if you or anyone ever need a ear iam hear for everyone else to

[hope_moz]

Hi Nic1233's

I wanted to say a few things,

Please never feel like a burden posting on here, it shows strength!

I do agree that a diary can help with venting your emotions, however this forum is completely different to that, opening up a conversation, being able to express emotions online (even if this is anonymous) is a stepping stone to speaking up in real life. Myself and I am sure a lot of other people have been in the same boat at some point in their lives. Unable to seek help in the real world, this is where I find online WebChat extremely helpful.

3pm-12am - www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

Outside these hours, I found Kids Helpline the next best thing for late night destructive thoughts.

I hope you begin the feel better soon,

I am PROUD of you, you are VALID, you are LOVED.

[geoff]

Hello Nic, it even takes an enormous effort by yourself to be able to speak with us, that's great, because you can type out a reply or even a query, then think about it, edit it you want and then post it, perhaps now that's something you maybe able to do with your doctor/psychologist due to COVID-19.

I, myself felt the same way as you do, and I'm sure this includes so many other people but you've made many friends by posting their lovely replies, and it is good 'speaking' with you and hope to hear back.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Nic1233

It is great that you are a wonderful listener, I find that most people are talkers, me included and listening is one thing that I am really trying harder to do. We need more of it as people do tend to jump in with trying to find a solution, trying to fix things and mostly just try to be helpful but when you are a talker this can come off as pressure and as "knowing better". I try to remind myself we have one mouth and two ears so you need to listen twice as much as you speak....it is hard!

I understand it is hard to make these calls and to open up, it is hard to think of where to start, what to say and then if you do talk the pressure to "do something about it", when sometimes this is the hardest part of all. Mostly we know what steps to take but it is the pressure of "well you got help, why aren't you better?", if only it was that easy!

I might take you up on the offer of an ear Nic1233, I am not sure if this is too much so please tell me if it is, I will be having the anniversary of my brother's passing on the 31st of this month. Essentially the whole reason I am part of this Beyond Blue family. I am not sure how I am going to go on the day, my dad is in NSW and I am in Melbourne, we cannot be together to support each other. It is hard every day but I am really dreading what the day is going to look like to be honest. I have a special candle I will light and I am going to buy my self some flowers....I just cannot believe he is not here and that it is almost one year! He was only 19!

Chat soon Nic1233

Hugs as always

Sarah

[Guest_4593]

Damm Sarah that is terrible losing a sibling especially at 19 years old I feel for you, I hope you realise that me being a listener doesn't mean I have answers, it's ok to feel however you want to feel during this time and I'm sorry you're hurting so much and I would like to be here for you during this time, you only mention your dad and that he can't be with you, was it just the 3 of you? This year will be your worst im sorry.... getting thought the day you may surround yourself with friends or just curl up in a ball and cry yourself to sleep, i think its all acceptable. The day will play out as it will and you will either be with people you care about and it wont help or you will be alone and sad and it wont help .. you are going to be sad this year and the next and the next .. but many years from now you will find a reason to celebrate your brother and this time of the year, you will honor him by celebrating and being happy over some event and you will always miss your brother and be sad yearly but you will find something that you can say today im celebrating and honoring the memory for my brother and you will be ok

[Aaronsis]

Hey Nic

I just wanted to let you know that my mother passed away unexpectedly on Wednesday so I need some time for me.

I will be back and just wanted to let you know.

Chat soon my friend.

Hugs Sarah