Lifeless

[b83]

I’m a 39yrs male. And feeling extremely low. With the end of life thoughts. I wish my head space was stronger. I tried to write a letter to myself on why I should be living. I could only muster one line. 
 

I feel like a burden to my tiny amount of friends. With my sad and bad energy.

Today I was considering ending my life, escape the unhappiness I’m carrying.  I wouldn't leave anyone upset they just have a happier life in place. Which I’m trying to do for myself. 

im feeling really tired, brain fog with no plan or purpose. 
 

quitting life has crossed my mind, but if I can manage to find a job that can support me maybe that can open up new doors. To a happier life 
 

My family is not a source of support. They make it worse for me.
I don’t want to be another statistic. I’ve called beyond blue twice with really lovely people on the end of the phone. Full of kindness and care. 
 

i am doing my best holding myself together. 

[Bob_22]

Hi b83,

Welcome to the forums and thank you sharing today. I'm so sorry you are feeling low today and that you have been having suicidal thoughts. I'm sure you are already aware and as you mentioned you have already contacted Beyond Blue, but just as a reminder, if you find yourself in crisis and ever need someone to talk to right away please contact one of the following services - all of which are 24/7 and provide online and telephone support (links below):

Beyond Blue 

Suicide Call Back Service  

Lifeline

I'm sorry to hear that you feel alone and that aren't well supported by your family. You sound like such a strong and thoughtful person. I hope you know that you are not a burden - I'm sure any one of your friends will vouch for that. With everything going on, it is great that you've reached out to beyond blue already and made steps to try and quell the negative thoughts you've been having i.e. writing a letter to yourself, posting to these forums, thinking about finding work etc.

Have you thought about what kind of work you would like to do that could make you happy? Also, I should ask if you could approach your GP and/or psychologist if you have one and share what you're going through? They may also be able to help with arranging a social worker or occupational therapist who could help you finding suitable work. Alternatively, there are career counsellors who specialise in that sort of thing. 

Regardless, it is great to hear that you are doing your best to hold things together. Please keep us updated here and remember that you are not alone. 🙂💙

Bob

[Sophie_M]

Hi b83,

Thank you for your post today and welcome to our online forum family. We really want you to know that you're not alone.

We're so sorry to hear how difficult and dark it has been for you, and we're concerned about you as well. We've reached out to you privately today, please check your inbox.

As Bob_22 has mentioned, there are lots of support services here for you, and we're really glad to hear that you've utilised us in the past (and found us helpful).

We want to encourage you to continue to reach out and to call/contact any of the numbers Bob has provided above. Don't forget there's also webchat available for all of those 24/7 lines as well if you prefer to text over talking.

We also have a suicide safety planning app called 'Beyond Now' that can be really helpful for when you're really struggling... The Beyond Now suicide safety planning app can help you to stay safe you're feeling at risk... Research shows that having a safety plan can be useful for reducing the intensity of suicidal thoughts and increasing people’s ability to cope with them, so please have a think about it... (you can even do it with a counsellor over the phone if you don't want to do it alone).

IMPORTANT NOTE - PLEASE: Call 000 (triple zero) if you are in immediate danger to yourself, or take yourself to your nearest Emergency Department for mental health assistance if you feel at risk at any time.

We don't want you to go it alone either, so please reach out whenever you need. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

 

[b83]

Hi Bob, and Sophie 

Thanks for replying 

I have assembled a team around me 12 months ago,( life coach, GP and psychologist) and was feeling back to normal after a meltdown. I have regular catch ups with them but it’s feels like I’m totally not responding to their strategies. It’s hard to reframe my negative thoughts. 
 

it’s all me and I have to do make an effort to get better. It’s hard with Zero resilience and loneliness. I have to accept that. Looking back on the things I had and the old memories, makes me worse. 

I know today was awful. It was a day of despair.

[Bob_22]

Hi b83,

Thank you so much for your update. It's great to hear you have a team around you and that you have regular catch ups.

I don't think you have zero resilience at all. Instead, I think you are very resilient to have suffered so much but put so many strategies in place. Please don't feel you have to face it alone. We and your team are there to support you. Please update them when you get a chance on how you were feeling this week and mention some of the strategies you employed that helped you through it. And if you ever need any additional help, don't be afraid to contact the team at beyond blue by clicking "immediate support" in the top right corner of this page.

In terms of feeling lonely and looking back on past memories, perhaps that is something to discuss with your psychologist? I know for me personally, I find it hard to think back to my past due to a lot of pain, guilt and regret. But I have taught myself to look forward and make the most of the time and opportunities given to me. 

Keep us updated and remember to reach out whenever you need. 💙

Bob