I don't want to live anymore

[NellieF]

I have given up. There's no reason to live. There's no joy. There's nothing

[Not_Batman]

hi NellieF

thank you for having the courage to reach out. It is not an easy thing to do, so very well done.

the sound of rain is amazing, how it changes with the size of droplets, wind speed, and what its raining on.

I quite like heavy droplets hitting leaves. How about you? What is your favourite sound about the rain?

Not_Batman

[NellieF]

Hi Not Batman. I love rain sound on the windows and I love thunderstorms and staying in bed.

[smallwolf]

I quite like the smell of rain. Also cleans up the place a bit as well.

I have an app on my phone that can play and layer sounds. You might notice that water is a theme in my sounds cause I am in a cavern, with the sound of the ocean hitting the rocks, a breeze and it is also raining outside. It transports me away to another place before sleep. That combination of sounds help me to relax. An imagination helps as well.

[Not_Batman]

Relax Melodies - one of my favourite relaxation apps.

have you tried anything like this NellieF?

[NellieF]

I have tried relaxation and yoga but prayer and meditation don't work. I just feel earth is not our home. I won't commit suicide but I am not happy on earth. I just want to go home.

[Sophie_M]

Hi NellieF,

It must be incredibly hard to feel like you are not at home and to feel like you will not be happy on earth. 

What do you think going home would feel like for you, that is missing from what you will be able to receive here on earth?

I can hear that right now you are feeling that prayer and meditation don't work, although they have been some help when you posted yesterday. I am also hearing that the way you are feeling might also be influenced by your feelings of depression and having to manage your sickness, which would be a lot for anyone to go through. 

I'm glad that you are managing to keep us updated on the forums, and telling us about what's been going on.

Lastly, we wanted to let you know that we have reached out privately to check in on how things are going, so if you could check your email when you have time that would be great.

[smallwolf]

I tend to think of relax melodies an application that I can play when I am doing something else like reading.

What activities do you do on a typical day? Reading, TV, music, art, other? I am curious to know what things you like to do?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Nellie,

Your posts are very sad to read, I am sorry that your going through such hard times right now..

I am wondering if you have ever tried the Abide App...They are bible stories read by people with soft gentle voices.. I feel a calm come over me when I listen to them...It gives me some hope..that one day I will feel some peace in my life...

The rain is a beautiful sound isn’t it...I have a tin roof and I love listening to God washing and watering his trees and creation...I have been just sitting outside today and watching the clouds drift by...There’s is some amazing shapes they form and the shapes constantly change...Do you have a window close to your bed that you are able to watch the clouds?... Nature is truely beautiful and calming to watch when we can....

Listening to you lovely Nellie, with a lot of care...

My kindest thoughts..

Grandy..

[tranzcrybe]

Hi NellieF,

Sometimes the world outside can have no apparent correlation to where we are or want to be - it is, in many respects, a contrivance all of its own. Your inner world, however, is entirely yours to develop through the challenges and experiences you encounter for the duration. What you feel you can't, or don't want to do, can free up space to pursue/contemplate those you do.

Perhaps you could enlighten yourself by delving into the concepts of origin, presence, and spiritual awareness, to define your place along the journey. As opposed to seeking distraction, you may find much to keep you busy and engaged - your 'home' is only limited by your imagination, and asking such questions may provide purpose, comfort, and acceptance.

Although it can be hard to compare past to present, there is rarely 'nothing' as a result when some things are lost - when you take water out of a glass, it gets filled with air.

Kind regards,

t

[blondguy]

Hi Nellie

just saying hi...hi! Ive had experience with anxiety attacks/depression yet I dont know a great deal about immune disorders. Since there is no such question as a dumb one Nellie...can I ask if its like rheumatoid arthritis?...as I have a close friend that has this and she is in a bad way too

I remember when any attempt at relaxation just didn't work for me as well when I was in a bad place

great to have you as part of the forum family Nellie 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul