I don’t really know what’s going on

[22kss]

I really hate talking about stuff like this and I have really only told one person how I feel and I regret it and I’m not really sure why. For a while now I have been finding things kinda rough and I don’t know what to do about it. My grades were decent in high school and I did enough study to stay afloat and sit on low Bs and High Cs but now in college I’m finding it difficult to get out of bed let alone go to school, I feel like I’m constantly letting people down especially my parents. I also keep having these thoughts I really hate having and it went from me thinking about how if I died I wouldn’t care to picturing how I would kill my self if I did, I also find my self getting extremely angry or even getting to the point of tears over really petty small things. I feel like I’m being really selfish and self centred. I’m really tired all the time and I find myself eating for no reason besides the fact I’m feeling anxious or just sad. My anger outbursta have caused my friends to be frustrated and I hate that. Sometimes I feel like these emotions are fake and I’m subconsciously putting these on for attention seeing as though I laugh and have fun with my friends sometimes i feel time fly by so extremely quickly to elaborate the other day in the shower I sat down for what felt like 5 minutes but when I got up 1 hour had passed. Also recently I’ve been getting extremely lazy and it really angers my parents they regularly yell at me about how my room isn’t clean or how I’m going to fail in life if I keep going how I’m going. Is this my fault? Did I do this to my self? I’m Confused. I’m really sorry for how jumbled up this was I didn’t really plan this and I just wrote down everything on how I have been feeling as it came to mind

[Sophie_M]

Hey 22kss,

We are so grateful that you decided to reach out to our community tonight, we know that it is a really tough thing to do, but it is so important that you have. We're really sorry to hear what you're going through right now, including having these thoughts of ending your life. It sounds like these feelings must be really overwhelming to cope with, and you've shown a lot of strength in reaching out to someone you trust to let them know how you've been feeling. We hope that you find these forums to be a safe space for you to express your thoughts and feelings, and our kind community is here to help support you through this. Our Support Service are also currently getting in touch with you through email to check in with you as we are worried about you.

Please know that you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside, and you don't have to go through this alone. During difficult and overwhelming times like these, we'd really encourage you to reach out for support, which is always available to you, night or day, from our friendly counsellors at Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800), the Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) as well our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14).

There are many others in our community who will be able to relate to how you're feeling and we hope a few members will pop by soon to welcome you and offer words of kidness and support. If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you through this.

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome.

sorry about the delay in responding.

After high school, I went to TAFE and then Uni in the city. So having to look after yourself can be hard. It is a big step to move from high school to college bringing many challenges and can be a stressful time - that is regardless of whether you are living with parents or not.

when i went back to study recently (few years ago) and mentally I went downhill I had to reduce the number of subjects I was studying. My reason for this is that I was unable to concentrate. I would also suggest that if you have a chance you might be able to chat with counsellor at Uni for some help or guidance.

There are many other things from your post I would like to respond to but I fear I would overwhelm you. And perhaps over time so of these topics might come up. Rest assured if you are worried about the college and failing and upsetting your parents, this could effect other parts of your life and can then become a vicious circle. And so your reactions you then have are "normal". I would hope if you were able to find some connection and talk about you are thinking / feeling you might some way of moving forward. I hope you will come back and share more of your story.

Tim