Help needed

Farmer680 · ‎20-08-2020

Hi it’s a long story so I will keep it short as possible I am a farmer and also work in a hospital as a cleaner I have worked hard 7 days a week for 35 years, we opened our farm up to foster children so we. could teach them farm life something they would never experience ,we done it for ten years had two in permanent care one is still with us one 16 year old girl done a runner and took off and has made up false allegations against me no charges have been laid yet I went to court 2 months a go I now have to go back in four days I I am so scared can’t sleep properly sever anxiety I have never done a single thing wrong in my life have thought about suicide nearly every day I have even googled the fastest way to die,two people I worked with both committed suicide 4 years a go. I love my family and the foster child that Is still staying with us knows her twin sister is lying, I am so scared I will go to jail for something I didn’t do so suicide really is the only way out for me, who is going to believe a 57 year old man what do I do the stress is so bad it’s effecting my work.

Sophie_M · ‎10-08-2021

Hi Anthony,

Please don't be sorry, we're here for you whenever you feel like sharing. We're really glad you could open up, we're so sorry you're feeling depressed and we want you to know that you can talk about this, we're listening. You've been really brave in sharing it here, and we don't want you to feel alone with this.

Do you have any support with how you're feeling? A lot has happened, and no one should be expected to take this all on without any help. If you want to call the Beyond Blue line on 1300 22 4636, the counsellors will be able to help you to work through these dark feelings, and help you to work out the next steps so that you can find some support in your offline life. If you'd prefer to contact the kind, understanding support team via webchat or email instead, you can do so here.

Please keep sharing and let us know more about how things are going, if you feel comfortable to. This community is here for you, and can provide you with as much understanding, advice and conversation as you need.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Farmer680 · ‎11-08-2021

Hi Everyone thank you once again for taking the time to reply I think i might go see someone, i can't seem to stop thinking about it, which gets me depressed, i never want the dark thoughts to come back they are so horrible,i know there is worse off than me, i will try my hardest to stay positive and not get depressed so much. everyone on here are beautiful people who have a heart of gold. thank you i will keep in touch and let you know how i go. Thank you very much regards Anthony

demonblaster · ‎13-08-2021

Good man you're a survivor matey.

Thanks for keeping in touch it's good knowing how you're going.

Take good care Anthony Farmer man ☺⚘🌿

Farmer680 · ‎24-08-2021

Hi thank you every day is a struggle I get very depressed it’s hard to sleep I can’t concentrate much anymore it’s getting me down where I might not be able to get back up sorry

Sophie_M · ‎24-08-2021

Hi Farmer680,

Depression is an incredible struggle and it can make it hard to do the things we want to do. We can see that lots of other people are here to support you, and so are we. We are really sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. One thing that is wonderful is that you are sharing your experiences with us all on the forums. It can be hard to talk about our mental health in the bush, but you never know who will read your post and feel less alone in their own story.

We really encrouage you to give us a call on 1300 22 4636. Our team are here for you at anytime, to talk about anything.

You can also call our friends at Lifeline 13 11 14 who are also friendly and understanding.

The thoughts it sounds like you are having are really tough and the people who answer the phonelines above understand how difficult it can be. They will never judge and are here to help you in anyway they can.

Thank you again for your courage in posting here Farmer680, your voice is an important part of our community.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Ggrand · ‎24-08-2021

Hello Dear Farmer...

So very sorry to hear that your struggling so much with being very depressed....You have been through so much, the truth came out and I know you’re a winner....

What you went through was so hard and understandably you would be feeling all sorts of emotions..You done no wrong Anthony...all you done was give her your care, love and kindness..this is who you are...a very kind and caring man....

You are not what your depression is trying to make you believe...depression lies to us...

Not sure but I hope you don’t mind me asking you if you have reached out to some professional help from your GP...to help you get through these emotions/feelings you are experiencing..

Trying to get to sleep with a chatty mind is near impossible, it happens to me at times...that’s when I reach to my iPad and listen to sleep stories...by listening to them with mindfulness...it might help you to sleep....I know what works for one doesn’t always work for everyone...but just wanted to share what helps me....

Are you still worker dear Anthony?...

My volunteer work has stopped because of COVID and it’s been really hard trying to keep my mind distracted from my depression....I think that distracting our thoughts by doing something we like is about the best way we can manage our depression....

Please Anthony...please don’t give in to your depression you have a beautiful soul that has helped so many young children get their lives back... think about all these children you have helped in the past....Please don’t let her win...

We are all here for you, with our care, support and respect..continue talking here, we will try our very best to support you through this...

My kindest thoughts dear Farmer....

Grandy..

demonblaster · ‎26-08-2021

Hey Mr Farmer man 🌿 and everyone 😊

Good man it's very sad hearing you're going through depression.
I suspect that would be quite normal and certainly understandable.

What helps me which I dearly hope will you too matey is the fact that in the past we've managed to pull up and out before.
Chances are you didn't think that possible. You did and can again.
it's a huge achievement. That's still there it's depression smothering it.

Be gentle with yourself you lived for several mths in deep with anxiety and excessive stress that you and no other innocent people trying to do the right thing by people should ever have to go through.

Sadly you have though you poor man and the ripples affecting your good wife and daughter. I hope they're holding up as well as could be expected.

I honestly believe you can get through this too Farmer man.
Though I doubt you'd feel you can which is how depression makes us feel.
Doesn't mean it's true!

Best not to believe you can't because that'll keep your mind in negative space.

Instead believe in yourself bud that you do have what it takes and you've proven that.

Positive reinforcement not only helps give hope it also I believe makes room in our minds to explore ways of pulling up.

I wonder have you been sleeping and
are you able to do things at all?
I know you and your wife have a lot to do to keep the farm running.

Being busy doesnt solve problems but it can even tempoarily shift the focus to the task at hand.

To give yourself a break from the darkness if you dig deep and think about something that did/does give you pleasure. Feel it as you remember how it made you feel at the time.

Wether it was a good TV show a song you enjoy a food you like. Anything.
The drift is to give your mind some lighter moments.
Redirecting our thoughts to lighter moments can help ease the pain.

Don't give up Farmer man you're loved and needed in this world.
All good people are ☺🌿

Farmer680 · ‎06-09-2021

Hi thank you everyone, I am still working as an orderly in a hospital during Covid times I have to put on a brave face in front of everyone, I have been doing a lot of reading how many innocent people are in jail because of these sort of evil people who make up lies just to get back at someone. but no one ever realises the after effects the trauma they have put on the person. with false allegations. They know the system and they use it too. I will try my hardest to beat this depression. thank you everyone

demonblaster · ‎07-09-2021

Hey Farmer man 🌿 readers and all 👋

It's really good hearing you're still working. Yip a brave face doesn't mean it's good underneath all the time does it.

I just dropped by to remind you you're cared about and that we and I'm sure many readers are also cheering for you. You're not alone in this.

I started a post to you early this morning. A few happenings all good glad to say and till now haven't been able to finish. So when it's completed I'll pop it up and some bits are in this post.

What gives me hope and faith in you is you pulled through your probably darkest times in your life over a period of mths. Long ones too as you well know poor fella.

You can and I believe will again. It's important to not believe depression that'll have you thinking you can't.

Believing in yourself and abilities is good. I think opens our minds making room for constructive helpful thoughts opposed to negative painful ones.

A thought alone can't hurt us.

Our emotional reaction to it can and often does.

We can learn as I believe we're all capable of to direct our thinking to how we choose to feel. Not an overnight job but we gain strength back by the more we put in.

I'm wondering if you feel it'd be worth a chat to your GP Anthony about exploring choices for something to help with the depression. It wouldn't have to be permanent but potentially could make it easier to get through this.

As you'd know our minds become so consumed and smothered with depression making it very hard but doable to have other thought on how to get better.

By gently allowing yourself to think past the first thought that lands helps no end. We tend to believe it.

Self backing's what we need at anytime especially now.

If we do the opposite to what depression says we gain traction because we allow good thought to counteract negative. A lovely girl from these forums 💙 psychologist told her. Brilliant!

So by letting this apply to a down thought by thinking of the opposite. EG. I can't get better...I can get better... can lead to further thought along those lines which I've experienced in the past and just yesterday. I was getting pretty fired up being down hard and fast, it gave me enough lift to pull out.

Ok I'll be back Anthony. Hold on matey and don't forget we can get control over this. It is in us!

Thoughts and care to your family too ⚘🌿☺

Farmer680 · ‎12-09-2021

Thank you, it just seems like I am in my own world and everyone around me doesn’t even know I exist I know there’s worse off than me I have everything I need but at the end of the day it means nothing,it was the biggest struggle of my life fighting the dark thoughts the things that were running through my mind I don’t even know how I got out of bed and yes the easy way out was end it but I fought back it wasn’t going to win, but now I just don’t know what is wrong with me I can’t think straight it’s like the dark thoughts are trying to sneak back I don’t know, sorry if I talk to much