Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

This space discusses suicide and self-harm. Consider limiting the time you spend here. To use the section safely, read the pinned discussion.

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Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

Sophie_M PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section
  • replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to h... View more

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. ​This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

All discussions

ktac1689 Will this ever end?
  • replies: 9

I have been battling depression and suicidal ideation for over two years now. I have been in therapy which has helped and tried medication which didn’t help much at all. I spent the first of those two years in absolute misery and wanting to end my li... View more

I have been battling depression and suicidal ideation for over two years now. I have been in therapy which has helped and tried medication which didn’t help much at all. I spent the first of those two years in absolute misery and wanting to end my life constantly, and I attempted on several occasions. I had a breakdown, essentially lost my job and spent several months in a fog; sleeping, eating and YouTubing and felt so hopeless. The last Year has seen progress but still up and down. I have seen some hope for the future but periods also where I thought that suicide was what I should do. I feel I have made progress in identifying and addressing the underlying causes of the pain I still feel. I feel like such a fraud. I go about my life and I look like all is ok, good even. I smile, laugh, joke. But I don’t want to be here. I keep thinking of ways to not be here even planning sometimes. It is so hard. I make plans for living too so that I will be forced to stay but it is not quite enough. I hate living this way. It is so isolating and makes me feel like I am so alone. It makes me careful what I say as I don’t want to be known as having a mental illness. The stigma on having a mental illness in our society facilitates that.

Sad80 Very lost
  • replies: 2

Hi, pls don’t judge me but I was abuse as a child physically, mentally and emotionally by my mother. I’m from a single parent. I drank a lot but then I married a great guy. We had 2 kids. With the 2nd child I nearly died giving birth and then my mum ... View more

Hi, pls don’t judge me but I was abuse as a child physically, mentally and emotionally by my mother. I’m from a single parent. I drank a lot but then I married a great guy. We had 2 kids. With the 2nd child I nearly died giving birth and then my mum said nasty things that made break down and not only did I suffered from a postnatal depression all the trauma I had as a child came back. I wanted to divorce my husband and thought cheating was the only way. I did a couple of times and finally admit it to him hoping that he will divorce me but I love him too much. We were ok for a couple of years but I had a lot of dark thoughts and I drank too much. Then I attempted suicide 2 years but survived. But currently things are not going well for me. I couldn’t get a job coz of the jab. I can’t travel and my relationship is not that great. Last week I drank too much and blacked out and cheated on my husband again. And now I feel really shitty. I don’t dare to tell my husband as he is a good person and at the sane time I don’t want to worry my kids but right now I feel all I do in this world is cause pain to ppl that I love. In religion I was told I will go to hell. So if I kill myself I’ll go to hell too. I feel like there is no turning back for me. I feel like I’m a useless garbage. And a useless to the society and my family. Pls tell me what should i do?

Gav71 Embarrassed
  • replies: 5

I’m 50yro still act like I’m only 20 I’ve had a hard life been belittled at school and at a lot of jobs even abused by a bossAlcohol has Been my go too since I was 13 started smoking at 9.I know alcohol is a deppresent yet it’s my drug of choice but ... View more

I’m 50yro still act like I’m only 20 I’ve had a hard life been belittled at school and at a lot of jobs even abused by a bossAlcohol has Been my go too since I was 13 started smoking at 9.I know alcohol is a deppresent yet it’s my drug of choice but as I sit here night after night fighting suicide thoughts alone wow I drink more and I don’t stop.Im a functual alcoholic as I’m writing this it’s 2am and I start work at 8am yet I don’t sleep real good as I mentioned earlier my young life haunts me night after night self worth zero I even feel like a low life in front of my kids Every night now I force myself not to go and do the end but it’s getting harder

Caitdog Needing someone to talk to
  • replies: 3

Hi all, just wanted to say before I get into the nitty gritty that these forums are amazing and I’m so glad they exist. Recently I’ve not been feeling so great, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ocd, bpd and autism. In the past I’ve had s... View more

Hi all, just wanted to say before I get into the nitty gritty that these forums are amazing and I’m so glad they exist. Recently I’ve not been feeling so great, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ocd, bpd and autism. In the past I’ve had self harm issues and I am trying so very hard to stay clean. But I woke up this morning and cannot keep my mind clean. Everything is overwhelming and I am so very depressed that I didn’t want to get out of bed. I live with my bf and he hasn’t been much help which has made me spiral even more. I can’t stop my mind from telling me things that I know aren’t true. But it feels pretty shit that my bf would rather play games and talk to his friends than sit with me while I’m in a dark period. The only thing that’s made me slightly happy today is my dog he is great and won’t leave my side. But I’m trying so hard not to slip up and self harm. My life just seems like it has no purpose at the moment which makes the depression even worse. I’m embarrassed to talk to people about it because I’m worried they will judge. I love my bf but I can’t help but feel a little bit neglected right now because of the roles were reversed I would do anything in my power to make sure that he was okay and it feels pretty sh*t that he won’t do the same for me. I’ve tried talking to my friends about it but they all judge him straight away and say I would be better off without him but they don’t know him the way I do. He’s normally super supportive so I don’t know what’s changed. I just want him to prioritise me for once. Especially since I told him how depressed I am. I feel like he never takes me seriously and it’s hard to not spiral even further down. I am trying so very hard not to slip up because I am a week clean from self harming but my substance abuse issues are far from okay. I just want to feel prioritised for once in my life so I don’t feel the need to self harm and do drugs to make me feel something. I hope someone who reads this and has gone through a similar situation can guide me through this. love and light to you all

NewGirl212 So Tired of Battling My Mind
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I want to start by saying how wonderful these forums are, and how inspiring everyone’s journey is. I’m in a point just now where I’m not actively suicidal. I have no plans to hurt myself, BUT I have found myself wishing a lot recently that I’... View more

Hi all, I want to start by saying how wonderful these forums are, and how inspiring everyone’s journey is. I’m in a point just now where I’m not actively suicidal. I have no plans to hurt myself, BUT I have found myself wishing a lot recently that I’d never been born. I feel like I can’t take this pain anymore. Trying to quiet the voices in my head is a full time job, and I’m just exhausted. I’ve battled with anxiety (no meds, no formal diagnosis) all my life, and I have an impossibly high bar for myself. If I make one mistake in something, my whole life may as well be a failure. I’m not like this with other people, just me; my standards for myself far exceed any I would hold those around me to. I am very fortunate in life, which just makes me feel even worse (like I don’t have a reason to feel this way.) I have a wonderful and loving husband, a very supportive work environment - so any time I feel I can’t go on I end up being even more mean to myself, like there’s people with real problems who aren’t as much of a downer as me. It’s so hard to battle this inner self critic though. That part of me is so strong, and so mean. Nothing I ever do is good enough for myself. I live in a constant state of comparison, and find myself lacking or coming up short at every turn. I often wish for really horrible things to happen to me so that I would either not feel like this anymore, or at the very least be able to give myself a break. I do see a counsellor (last 6 years), and she thinks the way I berate myself comes from my parents and my poor relationship with them; I’ve taken over their criticism as I’ve grown, kind of thing. The struggle for me is that I’ve got all this in life now that should make me happy - my husband, my job - but I still feel like I’d give it all up in a heartbeat if it would take this pain away. That’s so selfish of me, but I would rather have never been born (even if it meant never having met my husband, who is the best thing to ever happen to me) if it meant that I didn’t have to feel like this and fight so hard just to keep going in the wake of all this self criticism. I’m 30 right now and when I picture the future, instead of imagining nice things, all I feel is dread. I can’t do another 30 or 40 years of this battle - I’ve been doing it since my teens and I’m already completely drained. If anyone out there can give me some advice about how I can move forward and start truly enjoying my life, I would be forever grateful. Stay strong x

Hb5598 13 year old boy in highschool - feeling suicidal
  • replies: 13

Hello, i am a 13 year old boy and i couldnt talk about suicide in young adults and teens section so im doing it here. over the weekend i tried to harm myself. my mum told me that my life is precious and that kind of stuff. why am i trying to kill mys... View more

Hello, i am a 13 year old boy and i couldnt talk about suicide in young adults and teens section so im doing it here. over the weekend i tried to harm myself. my mum told me that my life is precious and that kind of stuff. why am i trying to kill myself? error 404: Reason not found. Some stuff about me real quick. as stated i am a 13 year old boy in highschool. i have clinical depression and ADHD, Autism, Low muscle tone and im very fat, I weigh more than my mother (she is in her early 40s ) i am ashamed of myself and i fight myself all the time. Well i have to wrap this up because i am almost out of battery. Thanks for reading, A suicidal studant who does not believe in himself.

Skipster18 Wits end
  • replies: 5

Hi all, First time poster, however I've had 3 instances of major depressive disorder since 2011. I think I need to call an ambulance as I'm concerned about damage I caused from an attempt some weeks ago. I am trying to find the courage to work my way... View more

Hi all, First time poster, however I've had 3 instances of major depressive disorder since 2011. I think I need to call an ambulance as I'm concerned about damage I caused from an attempt some weeks ago. I am trying to find the courage to work my way out of this. Regards, B.

Loz83 Tired of pain
  • replies: 5

Im so overwhelmed with life, I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve suffered depression, anxiety, Endometriosis, bulimia on and off and back issues since I was 15 (now 38) and I’m so tired of pain. Physical and emotional. I can’t escape it. Things get good f... View more

Im so overwhelmed with life, I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve suffered depression, anxiety, Endometriosis, bulimia on and off and back issues since I was 15 (now 38) and I’m so tired of pain. Physical and emotional. I can’t escape it. Things get good for a while and then they go back to being hard just as quick. It feels like life is a constant struggle and I find little joy in anything anymore. Im finding it hard just to do the grocery shopping right now as I don’t want to see anyone and I can barely communicate with even my family. Ive lived with mental health issues long enough to know that people have an empathy limit and so I’ve shut myself off from almost everyone. Relationships and people are just too hard. I have 4 kids who are the only thing keeping me going and I hate what I am putting them through. I have severe sleep disruption and don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t get through a night without having a drink and I make myself sick almost every night after dinner. Knowing I will die one day is the only thing that gives me comfort but I can’t actually bring myself to do it because I am afraid I will fail. I’ve thought about it almost every day this year and nearly attempted over Xmas. I’ve seen so many therapists and medical professionals in my life and I’m still feeling like this. I just want this hell to end.

Hmm_name I have 0 reason for it
  • replies: 6

I just feel so empty I feel like everything and nothing is going on in my head Im autistic and I struggle with depression agoraphobia and ptsd I am a closet trans guy who is bi I have endured alot of trauma in my life.. Im finding it harder to not se... View more

I just feel so empty I feel like everything and nothing is going on in my head Im autistic and I struggle with depression agoraphobia and ptsd I am a closet trans guy who is bi I have endured alot of trauma in my life.. Im finding it harder to not self harm.

Resviana Don't know why I'm like this...
  • replies: 4

I'm struggling with the fact that I don't have an explanation for why I have suicidal thoughts/tendencies and it makes me feel like I'm being a complete and utter idiot for wanting to end my own life for "no apparent reason" , which ends up spiraling... View more

I'm struggling with the fact that I don't have an explanation for why I have suicidal thoughts/tendencies and it makes me feel like I'm being a complete and utter idiot for wanting to end my own life for "no apparent reason" , which ends up spiraling into self hatred for being so "weak" and "useless" among other things. I was 13 when I first harmed myself and now 16 years later at the age of 29, I still can't figure out why it all started despite having done it multiple times now. I've seriously thought it out over the last 16 years but can never find the reason for why I want to just end everything so badly. I just end up getting slapped in the face with feelings of "I don't want to live anymore" and then having a mental breakdown of sorts over it, which I overcome through self harm. It's never been to the point of being life threatening and I know that self harm even when minor is a bad coping mechanism but I can't seem to get out of that headspace without doing it. I've thought about calling or using the online chat to talk to someone when I'm going through my suicidal breakdowns but I can never bring myself to do it. Simply because I feel like I would just be wasting that person's time when they could be helping someone else who is truly struggling instead. I'm losing my motivation to keep moving forward... When I was younger, I used to convince myself that the suicidal tendencies was 'just a phase' and that I'd get over them as I grew older but now that belief is gone and now the only two things that are still keeping me here are 1. My fear of having to face my family's reaction if I survived the attempt to take my life and 2. My outstanding bank loans as I don't want my family to repay them on my behalf if I do succeed. My reasons for hanging on make me feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and am seriously hating myself over the fact that I want to end my life without even having a valid reason for it... I feel like such an idiot for feeling this way and not being able to explain why.