Hi Rothman,
Sorry you've had a rough night and hard time getting help.
At the same time, I admire your determination to speak out over the limitations of the system.
About your dad, this is very insensitive of him to lecture you when a little cooperation, compassion, and understanding from him would mitigate your need to seek external support services in the first place. You are caring for him and deserve some respect in return - privacy would be high on that list.
You realise you are in an emotionally abusive situation and are not confident to stand up to it. Not eating, not sleeping, and night terrors, are destructive coping strategies that require strategies to manage and overcome your self abuse and remove the abuse you are receiving.
While respect for your father is imperative, the roles have reversed and his authority over you no longer applies - he is there out of your kindness, not obligation, and is dependent on you to provide support. I would encourage you to not fear your father's attempts to control you, and make it clear where those boundaries exist. You are entitled to do as you please when and where you choose, and it is no business or consequence to your father either way.
This applies to other aspects of your life also, but perhaps for another day...
BTW, for sleeping, use lots of pillows; and try a winding down routine (read a chapter of a book, glass of warm milk, soothing fragrant oils, quiet music...) and I found writing down circling thoughts, or objectives for the next day, could help 'empty' my mind of them. Sleep is for sleeping.
Take care, Rothman, and give yourself more time.
Kind regards,
t.
