Hate this.

[Rothman]

Hey.. need advice. 28 (nearly 29) yo f.

Been self harming, not eating, depressed for.. damn.. 18years now.

Cant go to gp alone, boyfriend says "go ahead off self if that selfish"

Cant hospital.. ambo/cop (will get family evicted.. already happened twice lol)

Social anxiety, phone phobias, no webcams.. what.. do i.. its everyday now and no one cares?

[Rothman]

My brains fried I'm tired.. I just don't want to play anymore but I can't I don't know what to do

[Sophie_M]

Hi Rothman,
Sorry to hear that you're still struggling, we understand it must feel tiring to have these constant thoughts. We would urge that you to reach out to one of the supports that was recommended or perhaps engage with a telehealth appointment with your GP.
 
Have you also had a look at some of our guides, they might help articulate the thoughts and feelings your experiencing. - “Talk about it"” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it
 
Is there anything that brings you some relief? Any activities you enjoy?
 
If you would like to post further, please let us know how we can best help you get through this tough period.  
 

[geoff]

Hi Rothman, there seem to be many issues concerning you, but if you look at all of them at once, you don't know where to begin, simply because too many flaws only become too confusing.

You can begin talking about the worst fear or the situation you're in, to start off with, or perhaps if you are too afraid then slowly build up until you're ready to approach the next one, and remember if you do happen to fall back 1 step, then 2 steps forward will be a perspective in life you may not have encountered before.

Taking a step back enables you to think about your life in a broader context and just allows you to rethink what's happened and why, so I don't believe there is anything wrong with this.

We need to build on even a small positive attitude because it makes it easier to avoid worries and/or negative thinking, but we have to get there, first of all.

Geoff.

[smallwolf]

You sound as though you are feeling low again.

Can you tell me what what you mean by ... I just suck

It may be too painful for you to talk about. You might also be able to find where this thought comes from. I have these chats in my head when I make a mistake - which I am trying to stop but I also have an awareness where it comes from and dealing with that also. You are worthwhile and it helps to chat here....

lastly... where to start from? other that "wherever you want", perhaps talk about what you did today/yesterday?

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Rothman,

Only just read your last post. Sorry you got frazzled. BTW, no 'game' this end.

You mentioned 'co worker' - want to describe your work? I'm interested to know more about what sucks in your life. If you feel okay with that...

t.

[Rothman]

@Sophie_M - Can't talk to anyone it backfired hard last time.. most things brought me joy don't anymore?

@geoff biggest fear is the self harming & not eating.. constantly trying to hide it even though people are well aware and don't ask..? i don't know..

@smallwolf i suck at everything. life, sleep, eating, cleaning, not being a coward to.. do it properly, work, fashion.. im nearly 30 and i cant drive.. no kids.. live with very old father and long-term boyfriend but i just.. life sucks, i suck.. i don't know? 😕

@tranzcrybe read up for sucks lol.. coworkers.. i reached out to them around april, two of them (manager and coworker1) ended up trying to commit me and calling the police on me ("for my safety").. word spread a bit around work.. not one person has asked me if im okay since then, and most people at work now ignore me (they look at me like a sad puppy about to break) with coworker1 going out of her way to ignore me..

we used to laugh and chat.. they all ignore me now so *shrugs*

hope you're all well!!! xxx

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Rothman,

Thanks for the 'sucks' list - it's pretty comprehensive, but what you do isn't the same as who you are. I suck at a lot of things too - some I enjoy, others not, and some I'd like to get better at.

I don't know much about workplace relations, and others might have a better idea, but you have rights to be treated respectfully at work. I feel for you having to work in such a toxic setting and understand a little more.

Thank you, Rothman, you have been so kind.

Stay posted.

t.

[Rothman]

hate life.. I'm tired of this? But i keep travelling.. It's exhausting sometimes.. stay safe all xx

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Rothman,

These posts are tricky with the delays and no 'beeps' for a heads up.

Glad you checked in on us again - "i keep travelling" sounds encouraging. What's been wearing you out lately?

t.

[Rothman]

@tranzcrybe

everything.. life's just.. I keep going thru the motions but why? I don't want to be alive.. but I don't want to be dead? I'm so lost and no one in the real world cares and I can't alone but what happens when I give up on just going.. I don't know