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Frustrated and stupid idiot that sabotaging life by being a joke of a person who wastes people time incoherfent rambling on a forum

geelt
Community Member
Everythings just keeps getting worse because i am stupid and its all my fault and im not going to do anything to change becaused im stupid. I am honestly baffled about how much I am ruining life by being an immature loser. I refuse to see any help outside of university or whatever I can make an excuse to go to without acytually doing anything that will ake a difference. Going to a mental health service by saying im going to study on another campus then spending half an hour walking to the facility to get no help because theres nothing that they can do to help me. Then keeping up the stupid charade 3 times while doing nothing myself to improve my life because there is nothing i can do I cant move out of home my parents dont want me to get a job i am stgupid and let myself listen to the gp and take antidepressants when they wont magically change anything. Then getting frustrated and overwhelmed and break down crying and frustrated going no where with my thoughts then wanting to lie down to calm down but then they make me go outside to walk right next to the busy road and i have to try keep a rational mind when the loud noises just make it worse then when they finally let me lie down they make me go to the hospital even though i keep saying that i cannot stay there at the hospital when they said that the time is unpredicatable when they can see me and then dont give me the option to refuse then leave me at the hospital waiting area for mental health for 8 hours and by then its 10pm and i am just frustrated and overwhelmed and have no explanation to tell my parents then i get frustrated and breakdown then i am no longer able to stay rational then start self-harming becaue its all my fault and im stupid then get stuck in the mental health ward for 2 weeks and it was okay until my parents came to visit and it just made me feel worse. then they made me take medication now I am presently no longer takinf them because they remind me of everything and im too frustrated and stupid medication now i cant sleep because of withdrawl and i keep gettting angry about everything and i cant move out of home and being home makes me frustrated but i am lucky to have a home in the first place but im stupid so i cannot apprecate it because im stupid and i cant move out and my parents dont believe in psychiarist psychologist mental health and it all just makes me frustrated and seeing gp just makes it worse so i leave midway though because im just going to self-harm.
115 Replies 115

Here2Talk
Community Member
How far into uni are you geelt? Did you say that you had been studying for 3 years??

geelt
Community Member
I have not passed my first year, I would be iin my 3rd year in a 3 year degree but I am not anywhere close to being able to graduate. I have been trying to fix my mental heath for the past 2-3 years and have not fully told my parents that I am behind.

geelt
Community Member
I only use the bare basics so I wouldn't be able to fully say how hard it would be to learn Clip Studio Paint. Its not too hard to use once you get the hang of the settings, just takes a bit of tweaking to create brushes that you are happy with but the process isn't that complicated. Have not really touched much of the advanced features.

geelt
Community Member

I saw my GP again 2 days ago and went through the process to see a clinic focusing on helping people at risk of suicide. I don't think I'm going to change regardless.

I got frustrated a lot again afterwards. I don't want to worry about my health, I need to start walking to get some exercise but feeling a bit sick. My ear is sore and I should get it checked. I feel tired and lacking energy to do anything. The more I lie down and do nothing the worse my back is gonna get. My head is starting to noticeably slouch forwards.

tranzcrybe
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Being able to talk to someone may be a positive step toward starting the conversation with your parents.
I doubt you are much of a confrontationist and have made choices based on suggestive repercussions or just the 'brick wall' of obstinacy.
At 20, there is a long way to go before you can claim to be 'mature' and nobody gets there without making mistakes (can't really have one without the other).
Understanding ourselves cannot be 'taught' or 'told' and it is only through such experiences that we become accepting of our limitations, compassionate for the same in others, and increasingly aware of the very purpose for both.

Guest9337
Community Member

geelt said:I only use the bare basics so I wouldn't be able to fully say how hard it would be to learn Clip Studio Paint. Its not too hard to use once you get the hang of the settings, just takes a bit of tweaking to create brushes that you are happy with but the process isn't that complicated. Have not really touched much of the advanced features.
Thx geelt, I c Clip Studio Paint offers a free 6 months trial for some of their software, cool man!

Have you ever tried to use your graphic talent to create art about your feelings/experiences?

There is this one black ink drawing of a head/face that is all black scribbles and has the deepest black oversized eyes - I find it fascinatingly expressive.

geelt
Community Member
My brother and Dad had an argument and now things are going to be frustrating for who knows how long. I try my best not to cause any problems. I don't want to be alive everything is stupid

Hey geelt,

Thanks for posting on the Beyond Blue forums tonight. 

We're so sorry to hear your father and brother have argued today. We acknowledge the stress and tension this creates in the household for all family members.  We would recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/. It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. We are also getting in touch with your privately to check on your well-being. 

Guest9337
Community Member

g'day geelt, I'm sad to read your family had a recent confrontation. How are you coming along now?

dng.

tranzcrybe
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
In life there are usually three facets -
> doing the right thing,
> doing the wrong thing,
> and doing nothing.

Right is usually good, but can also be premised on making other people happy at your own expense. In this sense, right is wrong. Also, doing right by yourself may not be seen as such by others who will perceive wrong regardless of fact or intent.

Wrong can lead to disagreements and arguments, but not many of us set out to be deliberately wrong and it is only someone's perception/bias that makes it so.
Discussion can lead to clashes of opinion, ultimately to argument and heated exchanges. While these can feel intimidating, provided the arguments centre on the facts and not the individual, results can be positive and 'right' through the lens of mutual understanding and respect for each other's perspective.

Since the notion of right and wrong is quite subjective, it is fair to assume that for every right there will always be a wrong, inasmuch as Yin must be in balance with Yang - two sides to every coin, etc. (If not for this simple truth, the world would have no need for lawyers!).
So any decision is a good one, be it right or wrong, as it leads you to a new place of self awareness and discovery.

Doing nothing, however, can lead to despair and a sense of hopelessness. Ironically, after some arguments this is what happens from ceasing communication - doing nothing has no right or wrong, just a chasm of doubts, anger, self blame.
My beloved English teacher once said 'Say what you mean and mean what you say' - funny how some things just stick...