Fighting for me v. so very tired of everything

[Annewithan-e]

I’m so very conflicted. I’ve been fighting with myself for some time now. I get so very torn between fighting for myself, my wellness mentally and physically and being so very tired of myself I wish I wasn’t here.

I know I don’t want to die but I’m sick of feeling like this and sometimes think it would be better if I wasn’t here. Does that make sense?

I feel like such a burden. Like resources would be spent elsewhere. I feel like I’m trying so hard to get better but I’m failing. I’ve had 13 surgeries in the last two years.

I’m battling my past which has come back to haunt me when I have the least resources I’ve ever had in my life. I have so many hopes, wishes, desires... but I can’t pull myself out of this deep deep heaviness.

I am so confused, just under a year ago I was more unwell than I ever have been... I never acknowledged how unwell at the time, I was told I had about 12 weeks to live if I didn’t take certain action. Through it all I prioritized work and hardly missed a beat there but ever other element of my life suffered greatly. It’s only just hitting me now how bad things were... and how I chose to face it. How naive and ignorant I was.

[Annewithan-e]

FML I’m honestly so pathetic.
so over my self.

so done with these meds.

decided this morning I’m not taking them any more

theyre making me sick, headachey, night sweats, jaw clenching, unable to orgasm, and I feel worse in myself.
I don’t even drink and now I want to every day.

8 weeks wasted.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anne,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience of pain and discomfort at the moment.
 
We understand that things are difficult today, but we would strongly recommend speaking to your GP before making this choice as discontinuing medication suddenly can be dangerous.
 
If you cannot speak to your GP soon, we would recommend talking to health direct/nurse on call - 1800 022 222 (known as NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria). Their registered nurses are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide advice when you're not sure what to do - https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/how-healthdirect-can-help-you
 
If you would like to talk to someone about how you are feeling, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
 
We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

[Annewithan-e]

Thanks for the concern. But taking them has only been bad. No good.

my logic is to stop. Sick of it. Not benefit. What else is there?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anne,
 
Most anti-depressants can be weaned off safely, it’s the process of discontinuing them suddenly that is dangerous. Each medication has it's own discontinuation protocols. We would strongly recommend speaking to a medical professional about this. If you safely discontinue the medication through their guidance, the side effects should ebb.
 
 

[smallwolf]

sorry i missed your post in October.

Are you o new medication? if so, you might want to chat with your GP? The first lot of medication I was on was no good for me. I was eventually weaned onto a different one. The side effects you have mentioned would be distressing and frustrating.

I hope you are OK.

[Here2Talk]

Hi Anne, I’d definitely talk to your GP about a different one. I’ve always tolerated antidepressants well, whereas my wife had a not so good experience with the last couple, but then a third one was much better

[Annewithan-e]

So this is where I’m at. Stopped taking my meds. Was so sick. So so sick. Didn’t care:

never liked drinking before. Now drinking so much.

hating myself more than ever

things are kinda messed up

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anne(withan-e),

We are so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It sounds like it's a tough time right now for you. The community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14. If, however, you feel unsafe this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

[Annewithan-e]

Yeah it’s tough.

I hate myself so so much

[Annewithan-e]

Hi community listening and chatting with me right now 👋🏼