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Feeling the need to share my thoughts

Equilibrium
Community Member

Hello,

I've never reached out to anyone before and I don't really know where to start so I'll just go straight into it.

I'm preoccupied by death. I'm not sure why this is. I see life moving so fast; like a treadmill that you can't step off and it gets faster and faster. Suppose you take birds-eye view of the planet; I see humans going about their business, most of them having kids that grow up to have more kids. Commuting to work. Eating food. Then death occurs. I suppose these thoughts make me nihilistic. I don't believe in anything in particular in terms of after death. Definitely not organised religion. Maybe nothing happens when we die. I do find it odd that life would occur at all if there was no purpose to it, though. Occasionally my mind wanders to ways I could end my life. It is these kind of thoughts that are worrying me.

Having shared that, I do get enjoyment out of life. I have a great family and friends, I exercise, before covid I travelled a lot, I am lucky to amazing love in my life, and I have a career that I enjoy. These things distract me from my bleak thoughts. However, loved ones in my life dying seems to inordinately preoccupy me. I am 31 and I think these thought have been occurring off and on for about 5 years. The frequency is increasing.

I'm not sure what else and it is really difficult to put my thoughts into words. Both in terms of not feeling like I've accurately conveyed my emotions, and finding it very embarrassing.

Thanks for reading.

2 Replies 2

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator

Hey Equilibrium,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're really sorry to hear that you've been struggling with these overwhelming thoughts, but please know that you've come to safe space, free of judgement to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

We think it might really help to talk these feelings through with our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are available anytime on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer you support, as well as advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something that you might find beneficial.

In addition to this, please know that the lovely counsellors at Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service are always available during your most difficult moments:

And if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero).

Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you through this tough period.

Saree_p
Community Member

Hi Equilibrium,

It is funny how we can become preoccupied with these thoughts at an ever increasing rate, regardless of how much we enjoy of have to look forward to in life. It seems to be an illogical conundrum that we are unable to solve, however, the constant occupation with death tells us the way to resolve it.

I guess I wanted to say hi, and thanks for posting.

Your post summed up perfectly the way I have felt many times myself.

How are you travelling today? I hope you can find the support you need.

Saree