Hello,
I've never reached out to anyone before and I don't really know where to start so I'll just go straight into it.
I'm preoccupied by death. I'm not sure why this is. I see life moving so fast; like a treadmill that you can't step off and it gets faster and faster. Suppose you take birds-eye view of the planet; I see humans going about their business, most of them having kids that grow up to have more kids. Commuting to work. Eating food. Then death occurs. I suppose these thoughts make me nihilistic. I don't believe in anything in particular in terms of after death. Definitely not organised religion. Maybe nothing happens when we die. I do find it odd that life would occur at all if there was no purpose to it, though. Occasionally my mind wanders to ways I could end my life. It is these kind of thoughts that are worrying me.
Having shared that, I do get enjoyment out of life. I have a great family and friends, I exercise, before covid I travelled a lot, I am lucky to amazing love in my life, and I have a career that I enjoy. These things distract me from my bleak thoughts. However, loved ones in my life dying seems to inordinately preoccupy me. I am 31 and I think these thought have been occurring off and on for about 5 years. The frequency is increasing.
I'm not sure what else and it is really difficult to put my thoughts into words. Both in terms of not feeling like I've accurately conveyed my emotions, and finding it very embarrassing.
Thanks for reading.
