Emotionally, spiritually and physically tired

[Supermum]

Hello all, the last 2 and a half years have been exhausting and I feel like I am just living in an empty universe. I don’t want to talk to my family, my psychologist or anyone . I just want to be quiet and alone. Sometimes life is bearable and I love my children and feel more committed to living but other times I just want it to stop. For the silence and peace to begin. Would it be so awful for those around me to no longer have me in their lives as my constant up and down with sadness must be as tiring for them as it is for me. Things that used to help me focus and be grateful for small things don’t seem to snap me back into place and I just don’t want to do this anymore pure and simple.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Supermum, just checking in. I hope you're okay.

[Allboys]

I know exactly what your feeling it is hard work to be happy

[smallwolf]

hey lianne,

how did you go today with your psychologist?

(What is "it" that is making you sad?)

I had a session with mine today also. Spoke again about responsibilities and boundaries among other things. It sucks when you have high expectations for everything and become your responsibility. Things work out. It sounds like you might be walking into a valley. Let me join you as we look for a better path to the top.

[Supermum]

Hi Tim , he made me feel awful . Made me doubt myself as a mother , made me feel like the worst parent . Maybe I am ?

[Supermum]

Life is making me sad .

[smallwolf]

😞

what people say can have a very large effect on how think of ourselves. Even if was non-intentional. There are certain words that I use or NOT use these days. Statement beginning with "YOU" become damaging. Those words are BUT, SHOULD. I am sure there are other words...

You are at the start of a new journey... you are trying to make changes in your life so that instead of relying on alcohol you will find other ways of handling stress (broadly speaking). This is to be commended.

With that said, this may also be a difficult time for your husband and perhaps has problems with expressing his own feelings.

So I am 50 (and a bit) and it took me to until last year to work out how to talk to my wife about "things". And so I use "I" statements or "this is how [this-situation] makes ME feel..."

my psych. described a framework to me about this so can work together rather than leaving one person feeling worse. If you want I could post this here.

I remember an earlier post where you talked about spending the day with the family and smiling etc. This is a woman who loves and cares about her family. Such a person cannot be the worst mother. Struggling? Perhaps. Finally, when you are sad as you described... I have an app on my phone that helps me. It can some time to work; it helps me to ride those waves.

Peace and comforting thoughts to you, Tim

[Supermum]

Hi Tim ,

Unfortunately his comments just added to my thoughts, slept so badly last night. I just kept going over did I interpret what he said wrong, have I ruin my child’s lives by not doing my job right etc etc . Self doubt , self loathing etc etc . I tend to feel worse after speaking with him most of the time .... because he tells me the truth ?

I would like to hear your framework please if your happy to share ?

L x

[Supermum]

I forgot to ask about the app you use ? Anything would be helpful .

lianne

[quirkywords]

Hi supermum.

I can relate when people say things to me about my parenting past or present( as my children are adults) i do start doubting myself, have I understood what someone said, I have been told I am defensive when I am tryimg to make sense.

I sometimes dont handle feedback.

It does not take much to make feel like a bad parent.

Sometimes I write out what I heard and really look at the words and see if I have overeacted.

Did you have the chance to ask him about what he said to you and how you felt.

He is speaking from what he knows of you but he may not see the complete picture.

Coping with feedback from others is one I have trying to cope with for decades. You are not alone.

So many people reading here will understand what you feel.

Maybe we can work out a way to find out what people are saying to us , as Tim says find a better path to the top.

I appreciate your openness and honesty here.

Quirky

[smallwolf]

I might write a couple of posts to answer your questions....

the app I use is "virtual hope box"

it is more than just meditations and includes distraction tools. And the one tool I use in it is a find a word type puzzle that only uses positive words which to my surprise actually worked (for me). It is also free.