Don't want anything in life

[Matilda99]

I'm 24 and have finished my university degree which i forced myself to do out of fear of not having a career in the future. Now that I'm finished I'm really struggling to find a purpose in my life. I don't want to do anything. Nothing interest me. Every job i apply for, if i get an interview i choose to not go as i no longer want the job, feel incompetent or i just feel sad and hate myself so much that i think as soon as they meet me they will automatically decide that I'm not good enough. My parents look out for jobs in my degree area but I usually lie to them that i applied for that job and was unsuccessful rather than telling them the truth that i didn't apply. My parents have pressured me to get a casual job for the time being because they don't want me sitting alone at home not earning money. I have applied for a casual job and about to start training but i don't want it. A part of me not wanting a job is that i get extreme performance anxiety and have social anxiety that i think i'm not able to cope. I don't really know why I'm writing this I just get thoughts that the only way around this is that i need to end my life. I constantly day dream about death/suicide. I am safe and do not plan anything I'm just struggling with these thoughts. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Matilda99,

We’re really glad you could come to the forum to share this with our community. We know it isn’t easy to share something like this, but we think it’s a powerful step and we really appreciate your openness and bravery in sharing.

We’ve reached out to you privately to make sure you’re ok, so please check your private email inbox. If you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There’s also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

We also really recommend having a look at the Beyond Blue safety planning app. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline and complete it with one of their counsellors over the phone if you'd like.

PLEASE NOTE:  If you ever feel unsafe, please call 000 (triple zero), or attend your nearest hospital emergency department for care. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[JHT]

Hey Matilda,  Hang in there.

One thing I'll say, there's many people (myself included) who couldn't go through Uni, you did it.  You got a degree that's with you forever that's a ace up your sleeve.  Just think about that a bit. 

Do your best and just try to get as confident as you can.   Guess what, some part time jobs can help build confidence that you can then carry over to a job your degree can get you.  It doesn't even have to be a very involved job, just start with cruisy positions first and if it's not for you..... at least you move on butt (with some cash in your pocket) , see works never a gamble in that you wont come out with nothing, think of it that way a bit.

Just work your way up one little brick and stepping stone at a time and it builds up 🙂

How are you feeling lately?

[therising]

Hi Matilda

100% agree with JHT, a massive achievement when it comes to completing that degree. Not an easy achievement and definitely something to be proud of.

Incredibly tough when all of a sudden we're smack bang in the middle of 'Having achieved that, who am I going to be now?'. Often the answer can be 'I have absolutely no idea whatsoever'. Evolving beyond basic self understanding is a great endeavor.

You know for a fact you're a student, based on all the study you've been doing over the years. Perhaps you're a bit of an introvert, someone who's more about quality rather than quantity when it comes to mixing with people who you're happy to say are your kind of people. Maybe you're someone who'd love to slip into a relaxing kind of job, for a start. My niece did this when she completed her degree. She gained a part time job in a quiet environment manged by absolutely beautiful encouraging people. She's a major introvert who started developing her nature in such a store while moving on to work in one of the busiest Starbucks in Melbourne. Now in a managerial position, she's also back at uni based on the fact she loves seeking an education.

How would you feel if someone said 'It's your job over the next year or so to come to better know who you are. You'll need a bit of money to fund such exploration. Perhaps a simple fund earning job that'll afford you adventures in the way of dining out on new cuisines occasionally. Something that could fund a trip to some hot springs with a massage thrown in, so as to see whether you're someone who loves the benefits of natural therapies. Something to fund a new sound system so you can really feel music in new ways' etc. Take the time to figure out who you naturally are.

As you enter this incredibly challenging transitional period, try not to be so hard on yourself. Take the time to survey the land that lies before you and don't be in too much of a hurry when it comes to being forced to pick a path. Expand your peripheral vision. You're a traveler, a pioneer in your own life. Uncharted territories can be a massive challenge, with some paths dark and some absolutely brilliant.