Dear Jay~
Welcome back. Life has handed you a very hard row to hoe and frankly I'm not surpried it distresses you to the point of self harm -and even thoughts of not living. Just the auditory bad reactions by themselves are enough to make anyone find life hard to deal with . Then there is added your gender and ASD.
It can make all for a very lonely time. It is a great pity your family does not understand or support you . It makes such a difference to feel one is accepted and even assisted especially if someone else has more experience and can steer you over the rough parts.
I suppose you have been in contact wiht Qlife, if not you could give them a try. They have many resources, contacts and talk after 3pm each day
The only thing I'd suggest to anyone, irrespective of gender is to look for kindness, it is what makes relationships, something I've most definitely found.
Can I ask if you have anyone personally you can lean on? Not to fix anything but just care?
I know it is pretty well standard to suggest you get a psych to help wiht those mood swings and SH, even if they may possibly be caused by life's difficulties. I'd offer another thing, and that is what I do, arrange to have at the end of every day sometime I enjoy or distracts me for a little while.
That acts as a reward, and at the same time gives something to look forward to. It sounds easy but it takes a while to find things that fit the bill, anything for going ot a coffee shop to reading a chapter from a favorite book. The list is endless, but trying to remember what you enjoyed can be hard.
It can be hard as well to settle the mind down to the level one can concentrate on the reading or whatever you have selected. I use Smiling Mind for this , a free app htat can leave one calm (you can switch off the annoying background music).
If you would like to tell me what you think that would be great
Croix
