Willpower- where is yours?

[white knight]

Bare with me here.

At 17yo having joined the RAAF I was overweight, unfit and just a boy. I found running long distance very hard especially while carrying lots of weight with equipment.

During long marches there was running in a troop situation. You were required to maintain your location in that troop...no matter what.

Eventually, feeling exhausted I'd fall drop to the back of the troop where my corporal would yell at me and threaten that if I didnt get back to the front I'd fail. Fail meant likely discharge. I'd sprint up the front and stay running there until I dropped back again.

I passed the course but had my corporal not yelled in my ear I would not have ran half that far. I would have given up. Such was my lack of willpower. Obviously I had the physical ability, not the mental determination/strength to carry out my obligations.

As adults with a mental disorder we are less likely to have a disciplinarian yelling over our shoulder to "get out of bed..NOW! So the easier thing to do- stay in bed.

We are fragile people. We know and accept this. We dont like it, but that's the way it is. However if we acknowledge such shortcomings we are half way towards achieving a goal- to break our mental shackles and challenge ourselves beyond any limits we have ever had before.

What might be required is a mentor figure that can tactfully pressure us to take the harder road. Or, for us to develop a plan to gather such strength or change of attitude to achieve the goals we need to implement to improve our daily lives.

How do we do this? If doing it alone, we can attend motivation lectures, probe methods to develop positive thinking techniques, enter a new phase of self change and read up on stories of amazing courage by famous people (eg Shackleton, Mandela etc that succeeded against all odds)

If you have a willing and loving partner that is tactful, you can include him/her in your plans. You wouldnt want a disciplinarian yelling at you but some firm insistance could be the prompting you need. Just refrain from getting angry at them doing what you've endorsed them to do.

You greatest tool with this challenge is honesty with yourself, to recognise your need to be more motivated.

Enjoy your new journey of finding your willpower...it's there hiding...but it is there.

TonyWK

[Ggrand]

Hello Tony,

I read through this thread and your first one resonated wi me so much...Always been told what, how and when to do things is my biggest downfall...It’s hard still for me to do things without being yelled at to do it...Basically I’m a zombie through the day not knowing what I should be doing..simply because I haven’t been told to do it....

Finding my willpower to do this myself is so very hard...

The water in my village although drinkable has so much lime scale it tastes yucky, usually I take my empty water containers in on Tuesday and fill after work from the bigger town 33 Kilometres away because I find it hard to go outside other then Tuesday’s...okay today being an awful anniversary I needed to distract my thoughts so I found some of my willpower and did the water fill up today at a park outside of the bigger town....I was about to return home when I heard kids laughing and having fun and I decided to watch the school footie match at the other end of the park..although I was a long way a way from them. I willed myself to just sit down for 15 minutes to watch them...

Thank you Tony for a great thread..you helped me today more then you will ever know and I wanted to let you know how very grateful I am for you and your wonderful inspiring thread....You really are an amazing man..🌹..

Now I need to do is to try to keep my willpower awake..

Love and hugs dear Tony..💜🤗.

Grandy..

[white knight]

Hi Spitfire

My first post here explains it best when I believed I could no longer run when in training for the Air Force. I'd fall behind the others and even though exhausted my corporal would yell at me and because of that I'd run faster to catch up. Yet, I thought I couldnt run anymore.

That means we have hidden capability that we are unaware of. This "willpower" can be tapped (but isnt easy) so we can overcome challenges better, extending ourselves more than we thought possible.

It is a little different to positivity. I was positive and passionate in joining the Air Force but lacked willpower or mental toughness.

With our mental challenges this can be life changing.

I'll use the seesaw example. On one side of the seesaw is the negative effects of your illness. On the other side is your willpower.

If your depression has the seesaw tilted to the bottom, willpower is non existant or very low. If you can improve your willpower even just a little bit, then the seesaw will tilt and the symptoms of your illness will lessen.

But as adults we no longer have anyone controlling us, to challenge us, the easy option is not to challenge ourselves so thats what we do.

So, as unwell people we cannot rely just on treatment, we should be proactive in helping ourselves plus , if with a partner with firm tact, motivate us.

Lovely Ggrand has given us a good example of extending herself beyond what she would normally do. As If there was a ghostly disciplinarian on her shoulder saying "it will be beneficial if you sat here, relaxed and enjoyed a game of footy. So stay seated, dont move.!

There is another idea I've thought about, google

Beyondblue Topic switching mindsets

Thats a method of reversing a decision you've made to benefit you.

I hope I've made sense

TonyWK

Ps thanks Ggrand, I'm proud of you

[Ggrand]

Hello Tony..

You being proud of me means a lot to me...Thank you so very much for saying.💜..

I hope your days are filled with light, happiness, joy and love..

Love and hugs dear Tony..💜🤗.

Grandy..

[blondguy]

Hi TonyWK

Thankyou so much for your wise and non judgemental counsel...You are a gentle soul

Hello therising....(excuse I TonyWK)...Im sorry about the arterial blockage that you have been diagnosed with..I hope the prognosis is ok

I dont have the willpower to go to zero cigarettes. I just smoke up to 10 per day outside now. I dislike smokes and can do without them (my current mindset). At this time 5-10 per day is a lot better than 40-50 🙂

Thankyou again for the excellent thread TonyWK

Paul

[demonblaster]

Hey Tony and everyone ☺

Good thread matey. I haven't yet read anymore apart from your op (original post) but am interested and will.

Your yelling sergeant is exactly why I wouldn't do well in the forces I'm afraid I'd Jack up and fight back but on saying that you're right it can be an effective motivator although I and many would respond better to a gentle push from a mentor. Having respect from and for a teacher or motivator helps no end.

I was being a teenage brat really kicking up at a shopping centre where we used to hang out at times, I pushed hard and the manager who'd several times kicked me out was going ape at me as I was back and I mean I was going for it. A man was to the point firm and spoke with authority... I shut it immediately...no nonsense stuff, lucky I did cause he didnt press charges like the manager wanted. I wasn't a bad person just troubled undiagnosed wild teen.

I'm working hard on weight loss and GOING to do it. I'm learning g that nasty word no that should be deleted from the English dictionary. My minds nagging something rotten to eat maybe a big contributor given up smokes again few wks ago. Everytime Aunty nag talks I'm trying to remember how good it feels and why I need to lose weight. Also same as giving up smokes there's not physical pain and the thoughts soon go to something else.

Agree it's hiding but it's there.

Hope you're well and happy Tony 😊 everyone for that matter 🕊

[white knight]

Hi DB,

Thanks for your post.

I am about to post a thread on weight loss. I lost 16kg last year. Watch out for that.

Yes a yelling Sargent. Well at 21yo and a young prison officer I worked some shifts in a notorious section of Pentridge jail where inmates with psychiatric issues often meant being their for the rest of their lives called "Governors pleasure".

One day an inmate played up in an exercise yard. My colleague, a proud Englishman and ex Grenadier Guard stood at the door, his arms behind his back, rocking at his heels and yelled out "Smith, come here" . The prisoner cowed, head down and walked slowly towards the officer. "Smith, you are not permitted to annoyed the other prisoners, do you hear me Smith"!!! The prisoner, agreed and walked away.

I was in awe of this man, a grey moustache he twirled each side, his mere presence was enough to put fear in some of the harshest men. Yet, in reality he was unfit and not likely competent if in a violent situation.

Yes, we all could do with the Grenadier Guard in our corner. That's the reason for this thread- to learn to 1/ acknowledge that 2/ create your own or commission a loved one 3/ Break free from your comfort zone.

"We can move mountains with willpower"!!

Thanks DB

TonyWK

[Paw Prints]

Hi therising,

I was a 80/90 a day smoker (would wake every hour during the night for a smoke) . I gave up after a heart attack, having to go days without whilst in hospital gave me the push to stop cold turkey. I don't recommend this method. I had a work colleague who did the cutting down method, but like you found it very hard to go the next step & stop. The method he used was - every time you want a smoke go & get a glass of water & drink it slowly. It worked for him, apparently it has to do with not rewarding the urge to smoke & that you still use the hand to mouth action habit smokers develop, but you have replaced the smoke reward with water.

Hope this helps

Paw Prints

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone,

I stopped smoking around 10 months ago, I went cold turkey, although I did have a few in hospital it was the only way I was aloud outside...bad I know, but I needed to get outside..I’ve since stopped again...willpower mixed with mindfullness helped me a lot...

My GP told me that after smoking I had to relearn to breathe through my nose..Once we start smoking we also tend to mouth breathe which doesn’t airate our blood enough..I noticed at first I had to pull myself up because I was mouth breathing, now I’m breathing correctly, in for 3 sec and out for 4 seconds to get the required amount of air we need...Now it’s automatic for me and don’t need to think about my breathing anymore...

Im just thinking to notice how you’re breathing and inbetween smokes try to concerntrate on the way your breathing....

I’m hoping everyone finds their willpower..

Kind thoughts..xx

Grandy..

[Guest_093]

hi y'all good question 'willpower-where is yours' in relation to willpower whenever I do want that extra ciggie I pop a couple of mints in my gob to stray the urge and have cut the ciggies down to on average probably 8 a day and try to keep busy mentally/physically throughout the day! Ahhh weight loss is a matter of doing a lot of walking & again the mints come in handy for the sweet attacks, but do indulge in 3-4 pieces of choc or a bowl of lite icecream to relieve the sweet urgings but not every day only when I feel like a spoil, I do eat a lot of mints, the glass of water is also a good idea!

[therising]

Hi Tony

I appreciate you speaking of the Grenadier Guard and yelling Sergeant. I believe we all have a Commander, Nurturer and Child inside of us. The Commander is responsible for self-discipline, the Nurturer is responsible for self-care/love and the child (filled with imagination and a longing for adventure) relies somewhat upon the first 2. At the moment, in regard to my well-being, the child in me is calling out for the other aspects of myself to be in charge and show more care. I'm seriously out of balance.

It just occurred to me how much I fear the Commander to some degree. During my years in depression some time back, this aspect of me was out of control and quite brutal at times. Highly critical, it was the voice in my head that would often say 'You are failing at life, get your s%#t together!' This aspect of me had drowned out the Nurturer and highly spirited Child. I shall now endeavor to meet with an entirely new Commander and employ positive strategies.This will be interesting. Sounds strange but I'm actually really looking forward to some self-discipline.

Thanks Tony, you have just triggered a whole new mindset in me. By the way, I am seriously enjoying my return to Prem Rawat's words of wisdom. Thanks again for helping to light the path ahead.

Take care