The unpredictability of depression

[Skinch]

Hello, I'm new to this. I suppose that means I have got to the stage of really trying everything. V. briefly...depression for last 16 years, many different medications, stays in clinics to come off and go on new meds. At this time I am coming off an anti-depressant that has made me gain huge amounts of weight. That alone brought me even further down. I am trying, with not much success to succeed without meds. One thing that I would like to share and know if others have this is that sometimes I wake up feeling 'ok.' Think I will do this and that, even take myself for a walk....half an hour later the depression hits like a sledge hammer, the mood goes down and totally without my control, all positive thoughts fly out the window. I try and pinpoint the thought/s that led to this and often cannot. From there the day descends into its usual negativity, the walk seems absolutely impossible, etc etc. I have tried mindfulness. Doesn't work for me. No good at keeping diaries, mood plans etc...I seem to be too pragmatic for all that. I refuse invitations, I cried all day in front of my son, I imagine him remembering this when he grows older. My husband has moved out....he has had enough of my 'negativity'. I cannot afford to see my psychiatrist at over $300 a visit. I have a lot of serious health issues besides depression and it all ends up in a vicious circle of pain and low mood. And yet sometimes, there are glimmers of hope and I even surprise myself by being pleasant to my husband or doing something with my son.....I seem to think that travel is the only thing that makes me really happy, or having a trip to look forward to. With my financial problems this is an impossibility. Isn't depression complicated? Thanks for listening...

[white knight]

Hi skinch, welcome

You've described it well. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

My only assistance is more education by listing a few threads I've written on the topic of depression.

Use google and you only need to read the first post of each thread. The first one is for anxiety but includes a technique of telaxation (musvle tensioning exercises ) which could help.

Google

Beyondblue Topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Beyondblue Topic depression, a ship on the high seas

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue Topic the timing of motivation

Beyondblue Topic willpower- where is yours?

Beyondblue Topic do you like yourself ....(this is an ongoing thread you might want to join in on)

Beyondblue Topic medication is like a whirlpool

I hope they help.

TonyWK