When it's not healthy to compare the pair!

[Petra]

I believe I cope reasonably well with my anxiety. I have compiled a fabulous mental health tool box over time, full of all sorts of stuff to help me keep balanced and pull it out on any sign of the wobbles. There is one thing that sneaks up on me though, and quickly, and unexpectedly, which can bring me down with a thud .... comparing. I don't spend too much time via media celebrity watching for this reason, have never been big on it, wasn't close enough to home to warrant my attention but a snippet of it, or just seeing others sometimes is a trigger. Once on the 'comparing' track I start with the self loathing eg I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.... and worse....my husband can do better than me! I know.... (head lowered here).... how much he truly loves me, and would be horrified if I shared this thought with him. Sorry....that's why I'm sharing it with you! This intrusive thinking is downright annoying and unhealthy. This is one bump in my otherwise smooth journey at the moment. I'm seeing a psych soon and this will be one of my opening lines....but just wondering if anyone else has thoughts on 'comparing oneself to others'?

Pet 😊

[themadchatter]

There was also another reason why I didn't call the psychiatrist back. My brother suggested to me to bring my resume into the warehouse he works in. He told me they hire pretty easily there and so I was expecting to hear back from the company. I didn't want to make an appointment to see a doctor/psychiatrist because I thought that might have gotten in the way of me possibly working some days. I like chocolate to. I would like the idea of supporting each other

TMC

[Petra]

Oh I see. The appointment time can be changed. It would be a good idea to ring and see if the hours are flexible eg before and or after warehouse working hours? It's a start.

[themadchatter]

I don't know if I can bring myself to call someone. Maybe I've convinced myself no one cares because honestly seems like no one does so I rationalise it in my head how can I expect someone who doesn't know me to give a crap if the people that do know me don't care enough to take the time to see how I am

[Petra]

Hi Mary

You sound like you're in a good place. Lovely.

The weather.....I think I was affected more so in the distant past, as a child and teenager, but now I appreciate and look forward to at least three of the four seasons! I do prefer not to be hot though, and those hot summer periods wreak havoc in my garden. 😔

I use media to create things like virtual scrap books actually! Without having to use glue, and I can change my mind a zillion times (recovering perfectionists struggle with this option)! I also put video and photos I've taken of family and our animals to music. A snapshot of the year so to speak. I'm starting to feel inspired. Will see how I go.

Pet 😊 xx

[White_Rose]

Thanks Pet. Oh dear, that sounds like I'm patting the dog. Good girl, eat your bone outside.

I scrapbook using paper and sticky tape, photos, drink coffee, agonise over layouts, swear when I make a mistake, drink coffee, finally make up my mind and nail it all down, drink coffee. Occasionally I need a break and that's when I drink coffee. I have tried the virtual scrapbook but I cannot use the program well. I suspect I like to handle the materials, use different ideas, occasionally paint, put secret messages in pockets and generally have fun. Once a page or book is complete I can leave it. Started my second daughter's wedding scrapbook but got waylaid by the photos of my granddaughter who was the flower girl. I am making a separate section for the bridesmaid's day. Very happy with it so far.

Weather is rather nice ATM. Cool mornings, warmish days and no rain. Yes I know we need it but it should only rain at night when I'm in bed.

Tell me how you are going with your virtual scrapbooking. It may inspire me to try again.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello TMC

There is a huge difference between professional medical help and friends. A psychiatrist will do all in his/her power to help you get well again, and they have the skills. It is their job to do this and they will not get many referrals if they cannot be bothered about their patients. Many years ago when I was majorly depressed I could contact the psych out of hours and he would phone me back. That is caring.

A psych cannot get involved in your care on a personal basis as it would be far too stressful to manage everyone in this manner. But the very good ones instil trust in you, listen to you and help you as much as you will let them. I think that's pretty caring.

Petra and me care about about you and we have not met you, (or each other). We know and understand how it feels, as Pet had said in her posts. If we can do this I'm certain a psychiatrist can care and help you.

I have always wanted to go to uni and I eventually went as a mature age student when I was in my 40s. So age is not a barrier. You do not need to be an Einstein to get into uni. If you have good senior results then apply. If they are not so great then talk to a university representative. It's about this of the year when universities start advertising for students. In Brisbane we have a Textpo, (tertiary expo). It's good because there are stalls for all the major universities. You discuss your qualifications and what you would like to study. Have a go.

When you talk to your psych it may help if you mention your ambition to go to uni and about not feeling good enough. I was terrified when I started and when I looked at each course outline I almost walked away. But you are not expected to know anything at the first lecture. You will be led along to gain the knowledge and come out the other end dancing with joy.

By the way, when you go to your first session with the psych be aware that you may be a little uncomfortable. This is the getting to know you phase and often takes 3-5 sessions before you are fully comfortable.

Lovely to talk with you again. Write in again.

Mary

[Petra]

Hi Mary

Really? Do you think I'm being too tough with my 'three strikes and you're out' idea with my new psych? Hmmmmmm, TMC change in approach......I'm open to five sessions with my psych to allow for 'getting to know you'! After all, it's only fair I give her a go! Hee, Hee!

I laughed at your description of scrap booking! Yes, I'm missing out by doing my scrap booking by media aren't I? I do like the look and feel of all the bits and there's so many to choose from. I do admire these pieces when in a variety store. Perhaps I'll give it a go one day although it'll take a truck to bring home all the bits because I won't be able to stop at buying just a few! My Nanna did a scrapbook with me when I was a girl. It was simple of course back then. Made of things around the house. I really enjoyed it and I still have it to this day. Bless her.

You sound passionate like me when I'm being creative! My husband tells the dogs to stay out of the kitchen when I'm cooking or baking when he hears the clanging, banging and expletives!! He knows the 'safe' sounds too....the singing, the oohs and aaaaahs, the "honey, come and look at this master piece!" I'm aspiring to get back to this level. He hasn't heard all this for a while!

TMC I always wanted to go to uni. Surprised me when I passed the adult entry exam! I'm no Einstein believe you me!! I was at uni for only two years. I was in my thirties. I loved it. A life event saw the end of that unfortunately but I don't for one minute think it was wasted. I enjoyed it a great deal and felt at ease even though I was the oldest kid in the class! Something comes from everything. We may not see it at the time. A friend of mine is in her late 50's and is a few subjects away from completing a degree. She works full time! It's doable my sweet. If not Uni, perhaps start with a course of some kind. Build up the confidence a bit. Something to put in your resume too? Small steps.

Pet 😊

[White_Rose]

Hello Pet

About the visits to a psych. Well that's what my GP said when I told her I didn't want to continue going to the psych because there was no rapport. And she was right in this instance. Some psychs can make you feel right at home from day one and of course others fail the test completely. I had a laugh when I last saw the psych and talked about my difficulty in going to see her. She said she was being very careful at the beginning because she thought I would walk out if she pushed too much. And sadly I think she was right. I was in a bad place at that time. I suppose the fact that I can now talk about this with her shows we are getting along nicely and sharing our toys.

Scrapbook is going well, at least it is when I get time to do some work. Weekend is the best time it seems. I also get a bit carried away in scrapbook shops, or anywhere these bit and pieces are sold. So now I have a thorough rummage through my stash before deciding I need to go shopping and it is working.

Went to a day long workshop today and came home exhausted. The best Christmas present I have had for a long time is a GPS for my car. I used it today because I had no idea how to get to the venue. I find a GPS is only useful when you follow the instructions. I turned left instead of right, got thoroughly disoriented, convinced myself if I carried on following instructions I would never get there and needed to speak sternly to myself before getting back on track. You can see why I need at least a GPS or preferably a co-driver. But I arrived in one piece and before it all started.

TMC How are you going? Well I hope. Got another big day tomorrow but hope to log on later in the day and chat.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hey Pet

Just trying to keep up with your thread ...its a good one! Mary has given some great advice as she has the experience.

3 strikes and your out. Thats okay but too final. If you trust your GP and can get a good opinion of a psychologist or psychiatrist go for it. Its like having a physical issue..no difference....If you trust your GP...which I know you would....trust their recommendation and just go for it...you dont have to set a time frame on how many visits you see them.

Sometimes we have to feel worse to get better. I saw a community health worker (psychiatric nurse) very week for six months. He made me cry and taught me how to vent...It was awful after the first few visits but he gave me my life back. You are a gem of a person Pet...please go in with your barriers down....you will feel the benefit

Your BB friend

Paulxx

[White_Rose]

Hello TMC

Haven't heard from you for a few days. Is all well with you? You should know that when someone does not write in for a few days we get a little concerned. Can't have our friends deserting us. Let us know how you are going and what sort of help you need. Look forward to your reply.

Mary