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What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

226 Replies 226

Hi Quirky,

You've got the knack for important questions as always! I agree with you, fear of rejection is a massive part of why I perform at times.

You asked what is the biggest lie I tell myself and the answer that came to mind is a bit sad really. I tell myself constantly that I am a worthwhile person. But it feels like a lie.

Some days I trust in others, if people I love and respect think I'm worthwhile then I'll trust their judgement.

Sometimes I think of the thread by White Knight (Tony) about giving your reflection positive messages every day until one day you believe it.

My default is to feel inferior and never good enough for people to stick around and care about so I have always tried to please people.

I'm slowly learning to challenge my default. It isn't always easy.

Thank you for your question. It has helped me today. Xo

Quirky, I think you're on to something. The fear of disappointing or inconveniencing others is one of my greatest fears, and that influences how honeat I am with how I feel. My thought process, combined with experience, tells me that disappointing others leads to rejection. Of course, people will not reject me straight away simply because I disappoint them, but this is the irrationality of my anxiety.

For a long time I was afraid that if I was myself, no one would like me, so I just followed what others did, tried to be funny, etc. It's a bit better now in that I am able to trust some people enough to really be me, but I still do fear that sometimes.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Quercus Sparowhawk and everyone,

Quercus,thanks very much for sharing your thoughts honestly.

I feel sorrow that the biggest lie you feel you tell yourself is in fact a lie. I just realise that sounds a bit silly of course it is a lie but it is a very damaging lie. I think it is like that article on imposter syndrome that is on the Beyond Blue website. We don't feel we are worth having an important job, worthy of being a mum and having responsibility for children.

I used to feel I was not worthwhile in a relationship so I kept picking partners who would disrespect me and treat me badly and I felt I deserved that.

I too am learning to trust others positive words about me, it does take time.

sparrowhawk,'

Thanks for your post. Maybe we should think about not disappointing ourselves instead of worrying about disappointing others and caring too much what they think .

Quirky

hello everyone

I have been thinking many people are not honest with themselves or others at Christmas time!!

They say Id love to come over and spend Christmas with you, but they don't want to go.

Or they invite you over for Christmas but would rather be alone.

Does this sound familiar?

Quirky

Just rereading this threads d wonder how others feel about how honesty affects one’s mental health.
so e times when people ask me howI am  I want to say if I am struggling but I just say I smfine. 

Dear Quirky. I have done exactly the same thing as you. I have only started to communicate when I’m not ok on a forum like this or with my psychologist or calling a helpline. But I managed to tell a friend today on the phone that I haven’t been ok. It is actually a relief to do it, but I have nearly always answered in the past that I’m “fine” and “good” if people ask.

 

In my case I didn’t feel safe to say if I was not ok as a child, so I learned very early to internalise any struggles I had and pretend to be fine on the outside. I think it can take a lot to trust that it’s safe to say if you’re not ok at times.

 

I think it helps to get a feeling about who it is safe to open up to. It will probably be safer with some than others. And then some people who might not have seemed they will be understanding actually are when you tell them. And if someone isn’t understanding, I think it’s just knowing that may be that person but there will be others who are understanding and supportive.

 

Hope things are going ok with you Quirky.

Hello eagle ray

thanks for your honesty. 
i trustbprop,e with my emotions but if the let me. Diwn I don’t open up again

Hi Quirky,

Yes, I really understand that. That has happened to me too.

Take care xx

I find it is hard to be honest when one worries how others will react. 

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Quirky, Eagle Ray and everyone……..

 

I find it hard to be honest where my mental health is concerned, many times I’ll say, I’m good, I’m okay etc… especially while I’m at work….or with my family…because feeling like a burden is something that will cause me to feel even more down…

 

Saying I’m okay or I’m good, means I’ll be left alone and not have to answer questions about why I’m not okay….it’s just so much easier that way..

 

Care, love and hugs…everyone 🦋❤️🤗.

Grandy