What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

quirkywords · ‎01-03-2018

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

quirkywords · ‎27-09-2018

Hello everyone reading,

Elizabeth,

you are so right that trust has to be earned. I find I trust easily but if someone breaks that trust I rarely trust them again.

I agree if a health professional does not show us understanding and respect it is hard to trust them.

Nat,

Your mother in law had some helpful advice. I think someone you can go to at your lowest and you know they will be there for you, is someone you can trust but you don’t always have to agree with.

I think in this world where we have so much conflicting advice it is necessary to just focus on people whose care about you.

Quirky

Elizabeth CP · ‎27-09-2018

Quirky said I think in this world where we have so much conflicting advice it is necessary to just focus on people whose care about you. I agree. I also think we need to decide if we believe the person really understands us & our needs & has similar values to us. Even if someone cares about us if we don't think they really understand our needs then their advice while well meaning might not be appropriate.

We don't have to agree with people we trust but we need to feel comfortable stating our own point of view. I'm fortunate to have a good psych who seems to understand me. More importantly when he suggests something I disagree with I am able to disagree. He then listens to my reason to better understand my feelings.

quirkywords · ‎29-09-2018

Hello everyone reading and thinking

Thanks Elizabeth for your comments.

I wonder if everyone feels passionately about honesty as a core value as I know people who often say to me I was only kidding, don't be so sensitive.

I like people joking but when they tell you they are being truthful but you find out they were not being honesty but were joking with you, I just don't get that.

Sure I like a laugh but don't tease me about my core values.

Maybe I am over reacting and I should be less serious? What do you think?

Quirky

Elizabeth CP · ‎29-09-2018

My grandsons will say things but then laugh & say 'I tricked you"This is fine for a 4 year old but adults claiming to be joking when you find out they aren't telling the truth is not right. If you are joking you need to make it clear you are joking otherwise it is just an excuse for being caught out lying.

I find it offensive when people tell me to be less serious or make other comments suggesting I need to change my personality.

quirkywords · ‎30-09-2018

Thanks Elizabeth.

If an adult is really joking and you know it as you say, it is ok but some people try to say something and when you get upset they say I was only joking.

Do you think if you are honest you don't have to tell people you are honest.

I don't trust people who are always saying they are honest.

What do you think?

Quirky

Elizabeth CP · ‎04-10-2018

I 've been thinking about another way honesty affects our mental health.

We need to be honest with ourselves.We often go to two extremes. Either we look back at what has happened to us either in the distant past or more recently & rather than being honest we make excuses. We think I couldn't help it because I was depressed or unwell or whatever. or we do the opposite & take all the blame. If I was any good I would have ... & we ignore all the reasons we d idn't act the way we now think we should have. Either scenario is unhelpful. Blaming circumstances just sets us up for further failure as we don't learn from the past. Taking all the blame leaves us feeling guilty & worthless. Both situations are not good for our mental health.

The alternative is to look back at what happened honestly considering all the factors. This allows us to learn from the past rather than being hampered by it.

For example When I'm really tired & stressed I tend to over-react & lose my temper which has caused me a lot of grief in the past. I look back feeling guilty & worthless which doesn;t help. Alternatively making excuses like it was the other person's fault for upsetting me doesn't help. Instead by being honest with myself I can accept that this is something I really struggle with & I need to find a solution. Being honest I know that when tired my willpower is weak so expecting me to act rationally in those circumstances is unreasonable. My solutionm is to avoid getting overtired & stressed when possible but when I am tired I now have an agreement with my husband to give him warning of how I feel so he knows to back down & avoid pushing me.

Being honest with ourselves about our weaknesses & limits allows us to find strategies to manage better rather than risking repeating the same mistakes. It also allows us to accept that we are human so we have weaknesses but we don't need to beat ourselves up about what happened in the past.

quirkywords · ‎20-10-2018

Hello everyone,

Elizabeth,

Thanks for your thoughts. I agree and have said before that honesty with oneself is very important to maintain one’s health.

I agree that we can blame others or blame ourselves even if the facts don’t back up our assumptions.

I think we also can look back with rose coloured glasses and only see positive or look back with a negative view and only see how bad things were.

One other thing I have noticed in news stories is that con men and women maybe start lies about who they are as they don’t like who they are.

Of course they tell lies for money but the lies usually start to get attention.

What do others think?

Quirky

quirkywords · ‎18-12-2018

Hello everyone,

I have been thinking about how not being completely honest with ourselves can affect our mental health. if we can not try to be brave and admit who we are to ourselves what will the cost be to our health?

So many people fake or pretend being happy, tell everyone that are really fine when inside their heads they actually feel worthless.

day after day of putting on a happy mask, and I am ok mask, can really take its toll and one can feel total exhausted and start to unravel.

I think sometimes we forget who we are when are making everyone believe we are ok.

What do you think?

Quirky

PamelaR · ‎18-12-2018

Hi Quirky

What a really good point. Making people think we're okay is a kind of expectation from my perspective. For example when I used to go to work, people expect you to be okay. It was usually an underlying subtlety.

I always put on a 'brave face'. However, I was very much a positive person so putting on a 'brave face' wasn't too difficult.

Your reference to putting on a mask, resonates with me. I did do this and I'm not sure to this day what's under that mask. Having said that, I think this past 12 months is helping me to see what's underneath and it is all good.

Does this add to your thread? I do hope so because it is a really good thread Quirky.

Thanks for being there!

PamelaR

Lee lee 73 · ‎18-12-2018

Hi Quirky,

It really is a mix for me. Faking it has its advantages and disadvantages. It is sooo exhausting faking it, but whilst stigma around MH illness exists, I feel we don't have a choice - especially when having to go to work.

I used to work in a government department - I didn't have to fake it but felt I had to.

Sometimes it's good that faking it makes me forget who I am.

Im now an aged care worker. Sometimes faking it helps me when I go to work. It's like mindfulness . When I go to work it's all about my clients, I wouldn't have it any other way and it would be unprofessional of me to be otherwise. The mornings are damn hard but as the day progresses I feel better.

Obviously this isn't the case every day. Sometimes I can't wait to get home.... to retreat into my cocoon. But faking it can help me get through my working day and sometimes doing so is beneficial to my mh. Kind of weird when you really think about it. Would we be faking 'not' having a broken arm - if it really was broken??

Just my thoughts

Lee