What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

[quirkywords]

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Can two people who both say they are honestly telling the truth both be honest.

I have a friend whose adult children tell a totally different story of their childhood. Each child and the mother my friend has a different memory. It get confusing. Can they all be honest in their own minds.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Can two people who both say they are honestly telling the truth both be honest.

I think they can if they really believe what they are saying. An example my mum remembers her dad as a kind loving person & remembers walking along holding his hand on holidays. Her younger sister spoke of a grumpy man who was no fun at all & she was glad to get away from him.

They are both describing the same person & were treated the same by him but their perception was different. My mum was older & had clearer memories of the time prior to the war & fun family holidays. When the war started mum was a bit older & understood more clearly what was happening so was able to accet her dad;s grumpiness as a product of the stress of the war rather than him. In contrast her younger sister had less understanding of what the war meant to her parents so her early memories of her dad were overshadowed by how he acted during the war.

Two people go through the same experiences yet their perception & memories are coloured by their previous experiences & their personality etc.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Elizabeth

thanks for you comment and a very thoughtful example.

It reminds me of the movie Shine based on the memories of the musician David H, and his sister wrote another book telling her version of growing up in the same family.

This seems common in families where siblings have different memories.

i remember as a teacher there was one executive teacher who I felt was very harsh to me but my friend always found her reasonable to her. I felt I was treated unfairly but my friend felt I over reacted and did not understand why our executive teacher behaved like she did,

I agree perception and memories do differ, I know in families people sometimes choose the happy memories while others remember the not so happy ones.

Thanks again Elizabeth.

Quirky

[AndyR]

Hi Quirky

Just stumbled across this thread and oh how I wish I'd been here from the beginning. It's a wonderful topic - and you have such a way with asking inspiring and thoughtful questions as I've found on other threads.

I loved this Can two people who both say they are honestly telling the truth both be honest.

I think the answer is yes. Each can be speaking what is true for them, especially if it is about their feelings, their memories, their emotional responses. The 'facts' are coloured by their perceptions and experiences.

My twin brother came to visit recently and over the course of the weekend we spoke about our early years. Same family, same house, same kitchen table, same schools, and yet our truths were quite different because we experienced all those same things uniquely.

Does it depend on how large the topic is? Specific events or situations versus general memories if that makes sense.

And is the important thing to understand that what the other person is saying is true for them before countering with our own truth? (Not sure I'm being clear).

cheers

Andy

[BirdIbis]

I'm a first time poster and wanted to chime in.

I've been thinking about my lack of honesty with my family lately. Because of anxiety and depression I failed university courses, and haven't told them. And haven't told them about my depression.

I both realise that I shouldn't keep secrets, but know that I sort of don't owe them explanations. And yet getting help/ support from family is what I need, but if I tell the truth I risk rejection and loosing the financial support that I need.

How can I justify my lack of honesty when the cat comes out of the bag, very soon?

[sara111]

I get what you guys are talking about. Are differences in perception dishonest? I don't think so. It depends on how you use it.

In my training many moons ago, a man burst through the classroom door wearing a mask and holding a knife. He focused his aggression toward me.

Not long after he stepped back, took the mask off and told us it was a setup. We had to dot point what details we remembered and compare them. Mine was 2 sentences expressing how scared I was and what he did to me.

The trainers and class laughed calling me a woos. I was in shock as the attack was also physical.

Legal reps use this as a tool in court to discredit witnesses. If it wasn't effective, they wouldn't do it. Would my statement hold up in this scenario? I only recall a knife and black mask. Of course - there were 15 witnesses. But what if there weren't?

So in families where rules sometimes fall by the wayside, I guess arguments happen. Not so nice either 'as I recall'. lol

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

AndyR,

thanks for your kind words . Your explanation makes sense. It is interesting about you and your twin experience things different differently.

Birdibis,

welcome to the forum. Thanks for your comment.

it is hard keeping secrets and it can be tiring and stressful.

What are you afraid will happen if you are honest with your family.

i feel if you tell them it is better than someone else telling them.

not sure if that helps.

Sara111

Welcome to the forum and this thread.

Thanks for sharing your scenario from your training as it raises many interesting points.

how do you distinguish between a real memory and one that you have because someone told you?

I have memories from my childhood that I thought happened to me but my brother says this incident happened to him.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

hello everyone,

I am wondering if Memories are always honest or do they play tricks .

we tend to believe memories but do people make mistakes when they remember things . do our memories make up things that did not happen?

Just things to ponder on and respond to.

quirky

[BirdIbis]

Thanks for the response quirtyword,

Keeping secrets and being dishonest IS stressful and I know getting that off one's chest can be a positive step in my health journey. I kept the secret from my mum because she had many important things on her mind and didn't want to burden her with my issues. Only yesterday I let it all spill out to her. A literal 6 months of things I had kept from her (long story short it actually went well and I should have done it earlier). With my dad, well he doesn't understand mental health, and from past experience I'm expecting emotional abuse to come to both myself and my mum when he finds out.

At least now I can be more honest and truthful to my mum, knowing there is support there 🙂

BirdIbis

[quirkywords]

hello all

BirdIbis

thanks for comments .

I like story about keeping a secret in telllng your mum after 6mnths..

Sometimes we think thehoe wii be worse than the reality.

Quiky