What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

[quirkywords]

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Hello Everyone

I have come late to this discussion and spent time reading the reading the fascinating variations in your posts. In reality we are all telling the truth because it is our truth however we have come by it. And we cling on to the truth almost like a security blanket. Quirky your bipolar example is one truth and also Sez who hid her truth for a long time in order to survive. Whatever we believe, experience, get told is what we become comfortable with and we perpetuate it in our own little pigsties. Confronting a deeper reality of that trust is painful and demands action we may be afraid of implementing.

I had a huge and quite distressing meeting yesterday with my psychiatrist. She was telling me, in effect, that I need to be honest with myself and honestly listen to others. At least that's what I think she said. Am I happy bunny? Not a bit. I was comfortable in my opinions and beliefs and they were essentially correct. The past few years have been filled with trauma. My psych agrees this has been the case and in fact has made me realise how much trauma and how this has affected me.

So that's listening to the truth, or is it? I can only speak for myself as indeed we can all only speak from our experiences and beliefs etc. But suddenly I was confronted with a different truth, a realisation that I was hearing the bits that suited me and taking the my psych's agreement as validation for the way I perceived my life and how I live it. Wow! What a shock.

So now I am faced with several tasks. Firstly to accept those truths and secondly to act on them, which I know will be hard and definitely one task I am not looking forward to.

ON BEING YOURSELF (author unknown)
You must learn that you cannot be loved by all people.
You can be the finest apple in the world – ripe, juicy, sweet,
succulent – and offer yourself to all.
But you must remember that there will be people who do not like apples.
You must understand that if you are the world’s finest apple, and someone you love does not like apples, you have the choice of becoming a banana.
But you must be warned that if you choose to become a banana,
you will be a second-rate banana.
But you can always be the finest apple.
You must also realize that if you choose to be a second-rate banana
there will be people who do not like bananas.
Furthermore,
you can spend your life trying to become the best banana – which is impossible if you are an apple –
Or you can seek again to be the finest apple.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Ran out of characters so unable to add this comment.

Maybe we have been trying to be banana for so long we have forgotten we are really an apple. Maybe exploring and experiencing our truths and listening to the truth of others may help us to return to being an apple.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hey Quirky

Thankyou for posting back and for your great thread topic too 🙂

It took me just over 10 years of denial to tell my GP/Counselor about my inner pain. I just told my postie after 34 years of anxiety/depression when he asked me why I have been on 'vacation' for so long when I was at home for six months when I joined the forums in Jan 2016

I am only bringing this up as there are many people reading the forums that may need to know the earlier any anxiety/depressive symptoms are treated the quicker and more effective their healing/recovery will be.

Just for me its not really a matter of being honest but being proactive with our own health and making that double appointment with their GP as a first step towards recovery from these awful symptoms

Thanks Quirky for the great thread again.

My kindest always

Paul

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Mary.thanks for your post. Never too late to contribute a I have said before this is a huge ball of wool that is waiting to unravel.

I am a prickly pineapple that is nt an apple or a banana but who has decided not to fit in justaccept my prickles and tangy taste.

I think we all listen to hat we want to and hear want we want and put it together to form our truth,

Who am I to say your truth is not as true as mine?

I hope you work out what your psychologists wants you to do and it is not too distressing.

Paul, Thanks for your input. I find being proactive about my health means I must be honest and not lie or ignore any symptoms.

Paul your comments are always welcome on this thread.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

What is honesty? I keep asking myself this and appreciate everyone's input.

It seems to be an individual thing.

It can vary depending on one's mood.

Does it help to question one's degree of honesty?

Is it confusing to keep looking at how honest one is.

After starting this thread I can see I am honest in some areas of my life but not in others.

I am such a people pleaser I often am not honest about my own feelings, I say yes that is not rouble when really it is a lot oftpruble,

Just some of my thoughts.

Let me know what you think?

All ideas ,comments, words appreciated.

Quirky

[smallwolf]

Quirky,

You said ...

I am such a people pleaser I often am not honest about my own feelings

and yet, if you/we/I are honest with respect to our feelings, would you/we/I know what to say?

For example, I go to Uni and someone asks me how I am. I feel empty inside but I say OK I guess. Is that a lie? Possibly Yes. If I say, "Not Really" and the next question is "tell me why", where do I start? Sometimes when we are down, (at least I) don't really have to words to really express how we are (or not) coping. I could reply "I just feel overwhelmed by everything at the moment", but is that really what the problem is. The issue is that people (broadly speaking and typecasting here) generally do not understand that that things like anxiety and depression are negative emotions taken to the next level, and/or we cannot find a way through the fog.

By the way, everyone has some agenda in discussions. Just need to find out what it is! Though if you listen carefully, the other person can slip up, and you can work it out. Or, compare what the person says verbally to what they write. Are they the same thing? An honest person would write and speak the same. A dishonest person says one things, and does or writes something different.

And yet, if that dishonest person were "up front" in the first place, while you might not like their point of view or position, you can respect them (within reason) and everyone can move on.

Again... lying is intent to deceive, honesty is an expression of the truth. In the middle is some agenda to be determined.

Dishonesty can also involve withholding or misrepresenting information. There is a cost or price to pay with being honest. And I think few people are willing to pay that cost.

[PamelaR]

Hello Quirky

Very interesting topic and discussion happening. It was brought back to me this morning while I was sitting with my psychologist. I kept asking myself - am I being honest? I've never done that before. So thank you very much for starting this thread.

From my own experience, I don't usually 'think about whether what I'm saying is honest or not'. Because, I have such a poor memory at the best of times I never get a story right. Hubby is always filling in or helping me to get a clearly picture of what I'm trying to say. I think it's a learnt thing from my father - he was a great one for embellishing the 'truth' or so my mother said. I might take after him.

Mostly, I try not to hurt anyone with what I say unless it's necessary. In which case, I try to find the words that have the least impact.

When someone asks me - how are you. I'll probably be honest. I can say I'm not the best, when I'm not. If they inquire further, it depends who it is - I might tell them why or I might say I'd rather not discuss it. In both cases I'm being honest.

I find it very easy to say NO. I won't say YES when I truly feel NO. A lesson learnt a long time ago.

Kind regards

Pammy (I seem to have acquired the term from others. Quite like it)

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Thanks smallwolf for making us think.

You say there is a cost to pay for being honest. I agree but equally there is a price to pay for withholding and misrepresenting information.

Pamela,

I have a bad memory, I used to have a great memory. I have trouble saying no . Thanks for your thoughts.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I have been wondering if we lived in a world where mental illness was accepted like any other illnessand there was no shame, or blame, or feeling it was not real etc, would it be easier to be honest as there would be bo reason to lie?

What do you think??

Quirky

[demonblaster]

I like your conversation skills Quirky hey ☺and hi everyone

I talk openly to people about BP and when I know more about my other bits and yes this is why I'm for being open about talking about issues though I'm aware of negative feedback for more understanding of illness.

I think many fear MI which a large contributor has carried on from the darker ages when people were treated abhorrently still are sadly and we're so calked intelligent and to be fair in some not most cases people get hurt which sadly is in extreme cases but is remembered and we're stereotyped

Another reason I feel people don't react favourably is lack of knowledge,unsure what to say, not wanting to offend and most good people want to help if someones down and they can't. Little do many know an ear and support and understanding is monumental.

I feel the way to potentially get to the point of understanding is how we slowly are doing is on media its being spoken about without judgement, the more that have an understanding they talk to others and people need to talk.

Just gave me a thought may not go ahead but start a MI talk group for anyone to go to and learn from. I want to know what people are up against, anything that they deal with.

Lately a couple of acquaintances are pretty intolerant of MI so I as carefully as po explain our side. No agro they listen even if they don't agree and I'll listen but stand by it too, I see some of their thinking too,its out there so they may think later, they may be undiagnosed many are.

Thanks Quirky ☺ hope you're doing well