What is honesty and how does it affect your mental health?

[quirkywords]

I want to discuss what honesty means to you and your health.

People say that they fake being well, or wear a mask so no one knows their pain.Is this being honest.

When we do not admit our flaws and our behaviours does this make it harder to have insight into our illness and harder to get better?

Do we need to be honest with ourselves and others in order to be well.?

Honesty can be a very subjective personal word. What one people feels is being honest another may feel is not.

For many years I was in denial about my illness so I would admit to myself I was ill, I was not honest.

So what does honesty mean to you? So lets start a conversation. All ideas welcome.

Everyone is welcome to comment, new posters, regular posters, I want everyone's ideas.

Quirky

[smallwolf]

Hi,

I only said that you "possibly" oversimplified. You have No which is about 0..25, Possibly 25..50. Probably 50..75, and Yes > 75. So I would NOT SAY that you DID. Complex debates can arise out of simple questions. There is no one answer that will satisfy all. That is, it is not like saying 1+1=2. From such a discussion people can then draw their own conclusions and to line or boundaries that can or should be crossed.

I am aware that I probably live in my idealized world where people play nice with each other when the reality is different. Actually I was speaking with my support guy yesterday afternoon over coffee, and I said there was a time when people were actually spoke to each other about an issue, rather than assigning blame as today. And even if you are able to show you were not at fault and that is was "someone else" that other person will say "wasnt me", or "you didn't tell me". But that is work.

Honesty is contextual... what you say to your psych, your support, your family, your kids, your work.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

This thread keeps unravelling and prompting great discussions.

Thanks everyone.

Sez,

I fund your words very moving.

I feel no guilt or remorse for my dishonesty. When trust is eroded, no amount of honest intent can defeat those self promoting criminals.

I can see how trust is needed for honesty because with out the trust why should we share our inner most thoughts with another. I would not say you were dishonest but at the tie you were trying to survive.

Smallwolf,

I understood what you were saying and I appreciate you pointing out what you said. I was just explaining my way of approaching things.

I appreciate your posts as they make me think.

I find that interesting about how we now assign blame rather than talk about an issue. For years I played the blame game . I am thinking that when e keep blaming people does that sometimes make us dishonest as if we try to save ourselves in a tricky situation.

Honesty is contextual, and can be on how we define it and perceive it.

The honesty I need to stay well will different from others.

Reassuring thoughts to all

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Thereis something I hear a bit in conversations when people say

to be perfectly honest,

does this mean they are normal not honest?

Does this mean there are degrees of honesty? Perfectly, a bit honest, really honest and many more.

I am so interested in everyone's responses to this.

Quirky

[smallwolf]

To be perfectly honest can be used either for (a) emphasis or (b) to tell someone what you really think, especially when it might be something the other person does not want to hear. Normally (b) however.

Suppose you were with a friend watching a movie and they ask "Did you like the movie?". Your normal response to a question might be "It was OK", but if you could say "To be (perfectly) honest, it sucked".

In the case of the first response, you are not necessarily being dishonest, or having the intent to deceive, but you either tell the other person what you think they want to hear or what you might be expected to say, rather than give your real answer/response.

It can be used as a way to left the other person down (more) easily?

As for degrees of honesty, that is debatable... you cam believe in absolutes or allow or shades or grey. It is bit like saying (thank you BBT) "You couldn't be MORE wrong...". There are no real degrees of wrongness... you are either right or wrong. So to indicate MORE wrong is way of emphasis, similarly to perfectly honest.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Smallwolf,

Thanks for your detailed comment.I like that you answer questions as it gives me more think about.

I think i find it hard to discuss things with people who see things in absolutes.

I have a friend who always says what he thinks even when it upsets people but he has To say what he thinks even if it mean apologising later. I say you dont have to say what you think all the time when it upsets people.He says I have to be honest all the time. The thing is it is his opinion not the truth so where is the honesty. Again about definitions and perceptions.

Quirky

[blondguy]

Hi Quirky

I think that smallwolf made a great point about being honest...and good on him too

Maybe I have brain fog (again) but can I ask you just a couple of basic questions if that okay Quirky 🙂

• Do you mean being honest about our mental health to others? (which is hard for anyone including me too)
• Or do mean asking if we are being honest with our therapist? (which also includes many people..me too)

Just as a courtesy I was only trying to understand what your thread title is directed at if thats okay 🙂

As you mentioned there are no 'absolutes'. You are spot on by saying that the truth has many different interpretations. There is no 'truth' so to speak, but people are just being kind by offering their experience and support to you and what you have gone through...just my opinion

Just asking if thats okay

My kindest always

Paul

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Blond guy , you and your questions are a bonus to any thread and you should know you are always welcome.

I think I am covering both questions. You can not answer them before looking at defining what is truth and honesty .

I found when one I was not honest with myself and in denial I really could not get help with my health. For me being honest to others is very important .

So being honest with one self, others and ones doctors is very important .

I hope that cleared up your questions.

Quirky

[giggles]

Hi all

Just want to share real life thing in connection to my natural honesty blobbering out at appointment relating to my Diabetes care.

My educator a delightful lady who magically gets people to open up very very easily. ( hoping u know what l mean)

She looked at me then quite simply asked ‘ how l was?’, Then l off course sad ‘ok’ but even l knew l was not being honest so out it came how l was honestly feeling about the changes l have choosen to make for the sake of Diabetes and acknowledging the work it has been taking from me.

My result is spot on and we had not much to work on in the Diabetes arena.

So there u go an unplanned honest trip the educator was fabulous because she knew, we talked about other things as well it all helped spilling it out.lfelt alot happier when lheard the result so took that as my personal sign not to give up.

It was a lesson for me to appreciate what l have been doing to get on target. Its hard work.

hope some one connects something for them selves from that.

l cuddle people that are genuine in situations like that. Its all l have to give with a thank you.

giggles

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Saw you mention needing a definition...

You actually start with your own perspective and if you want can then hit the internet for the real definition. They will either be the same or different or one an extension of the other. I think we forget the meanings of words, or get skewed within the media. However, from all that you now have your new definition based on your experience and what you read. Don't stop the questions cause that could stop the discussion. But as for things that happened in the past, unless it is important for moving forward, best not to dwell on as we can't change what has happened.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Giggles i found your post relatable and informative. Thanks

Small wolf, I like your post about definitions and perspective. It can get confusing at times but you have a knack of explaining things clearly.

Quirky