What helps to keep well?

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Hello QSilver80

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. It's great you've found your way here. You'll find that people are friendly, caring, supportive and respect individual's privacy.

So, you really sound like you have your life absolutely organised. Doing all those things that keep many of us well. Though, it's not quite enough for you.

Just something you might like to think about - I find staying well / keeping well is an ongoing strategy. It gets tiring but it keeps me happy and content. I don't like it when I'm negative or unhappy. There are reasons for this, but I don't want to talk about them here.

One thing out of all the management strategies you listed there is one that is not there that comes to mind. It's a most recent finding for myself and that is - changing the stories I have in my head. It's different to CBT in that you have to find the cause of what's causing you anxiety or depression or PTSD. I've always struggled with this because it use to take me so long to identify the cause.

Now, however, my most recent psychologist has given me a tool to help. For me it's quite simple. Just STOP when you immediately feel physiological changes in the body, e.g. rapid heartbeat, perspiring, anger. Then think - what was my thought at that precise moment. It's not always easy to isolate, but it's there!! And the thought is one usually based on a belief or a value, e.g. I can't do this because I'm too stupid, I lost this because I'm so careless, I'm hopeless I can't do anything.

Having identified the belief and/or value that goes with my thought - I then change that belief and/or value. I change the story in my head to e.g. I can do this - look at what I've achieved in my working life, I lost this - that's okay we all make mistakes it wasn't on purpose, again I look at what I've done in the day - got out of bed, made the bed and breakfast, watered the garden.

Has your therapist looked at this type of strategy for you? Would be good to hear back from you.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Thank you all for visiting this thread. I've responded to some of you individually, though as time is running out for me, I think I'll now consolidate a few if that's okay with you guys.

Chloe - you're a wonder and keep this thread going. Well done you. I agree your sparkling personality shines through your posts. It is difficult to think you go down as you do. Something to think about - the ups do help to maintain a healthy life. Though it is important to know that the downs can also impact on your life. From what I've ready of your posts I think you understand this Chloe. Good on you. When you're down - just be kind and gentle to yourself. Give yourself space to feel the pain then to let it go!

Speak the Truth - Thank you for popping in. So good to see you here and hope you get something out of everyones 'keeping well' stories. I certainly do. Love the notion of changing the colour of a room. Really good Deebs and Elizabeth. Thanks.

StartingNew - You rock my dear. Thanks for popping in. Hope you pick up some hints for making life a little easier for yourself.

I know some of you are a little down. The new thing I learnt this week from my psych was - to stay active. Being active, makes you more active!! So those are my words of support for today. Walk down the street, do a bit of watering in the garden, if you're more active person - go running, swimming, cycling.

Everything does help to maintain your mental health in a good space. It doesn't mean your mental health will leave you, never to return. Once I finally recognised this, I've found life so much easier.

Kind regards

Pammy ❤️

[startingnew]

hi pammy

yes im picking up a few things here and there. thanks to you i done abit of research and found a free photography course starting soon that i might do, then when im well more physically with both hands try to use some of those skills myself with my camera. start doing my photography again.

oxoxo

[PamelaR]

Awesome SN!!

[Tams20]

Hi PamelaR,

Thanks for the tips - I’ve read right through this thread but there’s so much info to process... your dot points are a great summary!

Tams

[Emmy.]

Great thread PamelaR... I’ll have to go back through and read some more. Xx

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Thank you Tams and Emmy for visiting the thread. We'd love to hear how you keep well when the going gets difficult.

You know like for me today. I was super anxious early this morning - woke from a very bad dream. But I've pushed myself through today by - making the bed, doing the washing, posting to newbies on BB forums, taking the cats outside for a walk. So I've brought down my anxiety, thank goodness. Sometimes it can be just the little things in life that help to move on.

I also think writing, putting my thoughts out there on paper I was going to say, LOL. Now it's on the computer.

So what you both do to keep well?

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Elizabeth CP]

I find setting goals & having something to look forward to or work towards motivates me which helps but at the moment this isn't possible so I feel stuck. I needs some ideas for coping when the future is very uncertain.

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone,

Today I kept well and the tears away by doing 3 loads of washing, vacuuming, watering my lemon and orange trees, then gave my dogs a good brush..I didn't stop doing things today..Now I'm sitting here playing solitaire and on here...

[PamelaR]

Hi Elizabeth

There are ways of coping with uncertainty. Do a google search for How to overcome uncertainty.

A couple of the interesting hints I've found for staying well when life feels uncertain is:

• Quieten my limbic system in my body. This is where the flight and fright starts. One theory is to start labelling the uncertainty/worry as irrational thoughts, so you can work on my rational thoughts.
• Stay positive. Positive thoughts quieten fear. I find this relatively easy because I'm a positive person.
  Embrace that which can’t be controlled. I had to learn this at work. I had to let go of things that I had no control over.
• Focus on what matters. I found there were so many more things in life that I needed to focus on that those that I was
• Let perfection slide. This is something I learnt a long time ago too. Wouldn't be perfect otherwise I'd end up crazy.
• Don’t dwell on problems.
• Trust gut instinct.
• Have contingency plans. Work out what to do for the future.
• Removed, what ifs from my thinking
• Breathe