What helps to keep well?

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Chloe_M]

Also checking in here 3-4 times a day helps me keep well. I love to help!

[Elizabeth CP]

I understand we can't always repaint or do drastic changes to our homes to make them suit but simple things can help. Years ago someone brought me a small vase of daisies while I was in hospital. I sat thgem on my table so I could see them all the time. Their beautiful simplicity appealed plus they reminded me of the giver's thoughtfulness. Later I planted a cutting of the same flowers & would regularly pick a small bunch of flowers to put in the vase on my kitchen windowsill. Cost nothing but brought back good feelings every time I looked at it. I sometimes would put a nice tablecloth on my table pick some flowers from the garden & it seemed to brighten the room & my mood. This thread just reminded me of that. I think I should follow my own advice & take time to put a nice cloth on my table & find some flowers or leaves or something to put in a vase. Too often I wait for some event like a birthday to do this but now my husband is blind & we are on our own I don't bother. I need to do it for me not wait to do it for someone else!!!!

[Speak Your Truth]

You sound like an amazing person Chloe - I know the written word can be so misleading, but your posts are positive and upbeat. I’m not quite sure what your challenge is, but how do you do it? I wish I had some of whatever it is you’ve got 😘

Can I ask a little thing of you now Chloe ? When I reply to a post it doesn’t go to ‘new posts’ - only to the person I’ve replied to. Can you tell me what I’m doing wrong ? Thank you in anticipation 🙏

[Chloe_M]

Speak Your Truth,

Hey, I love your username btw. "Speak Your Truth"... would be a great motto 🙂 also the quote on your user picture i love it lol. Reminds me to speak my truth, even if my voice does shake!

Yes I try and make my posts as positive as possible, because a lot of the time i am depressed or anxious (depression and anxiety- that's what i struggle with. What about you? You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable). To be honest I don't know how I can be so positive, but my friend says that when I am replying to posts i have this glow about me. She thinks its because i love helping people. I do want to be a counsellor/psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist whatever when I finish high school so maybe that's it.

Thank you!! Your compliments flatter me lol. I'm really not that special but thanks anyways!

I'm not actually sure whats going on with your posting problem. Does it come up as new in the tab "my threads"? Might be able to ask someone on the BB Home Improvement thread, they know the ins and outs of the website. Sorry i wasn't much help.

Take care 🙂

Chloe x

[startingnew]

Hi Speak your Truth,

perhaps you are only in the section of 'your tabs' not 'new posts' could that be it? if not it might be a technical glitch... perhaps you could send an email to BB explaining whats happening and they can see whats happening with your account/posts

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth

Lovely to see you post here. And a lot too. I can really relate to your comments about Seasonal Affective Disorder. My work used to keep in an airconditioned office all day. During winter I entered when the sun was just about rising and frequently left in the dark. Not a healthy way to live my life and maintain my mental health. Interestingly, before I was diagnosed, a boss in down south used to say to me - get out in the sun. It will help. I now realise he knew what I was going through. I'd always fein a virus / sickness of some sort, but it was my mental health making me withdraw. Hmmmm. Such learnings - so long after the fact.

So now - I do make time out in the sunshine, taking in the environment. So good for my head.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts. Wonderful!!

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Thank you Paul for sharing your thoughts about how you stay and keep well!!

Unlearning the things from our upbringing takes time, energy, determination and passion to want to.

As you say it opens up so many doors for us. Changing the judgemental way of viewing the world helped me tremendously to move on and become more at peace with myself. So I can relate to where you are coming from Paul.

Quality CBT is so important. And while I know there are some out there who struggle with it, for me it's been a gift from the gods.

You're a wonderful person to know and have as a CC.

Kind regards (and hugs)

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Hiya Deebi

Great to see you again on this thread and your wonderful contribution about colours. Especially how rooms are coloured and the impact they have on our wellbeing.

I know what you mean about the impact of soft colours, e.g. pinks, light shades of greens, pale Grey and cream. For me they make me feel very peaceful. Trees, birds too but cutting down trees riles me. There was an enormous leopard tree in the street behind us, and you could look out on it while washing up, cooking etc. It was cut down because the person, who rented the house said it was a risk during stormy weather. So the owner cut it down. But you know - the renter removed every single tree on that property - for one reason or another. He hated trees. The one that remains - a very tall palm, he tried removing by pulling (towing) it over with a Toyota H-ACE. There was an advertisement on TV at the time that showed how it could be done. Baaaa.

The tree was victorious and remains. New renters are good!

You also talk about learning on other posts. Do you find this is helpful for staying well.?

Pammy❤️🤗

Music, as I get older is so soothing for the soul. I've liked a range of music from techno, rap, disco, pop to classical, jazz, blues. Now, I mostly listen to classical or instrumental relaxing music. It reduces my anxiety and the tension in my body. Would you also believe - both our cats are classical music freaks (sorry Music Freak).

[PamelaR]

Hello Tams

Thank you for tagging this post. Yes, I do hope you'll find some good strategies for keeping well. There are a lot of different things that people find that can help, here are a few examples:

• Colours of rooms make a difference to how some feel. Can you paint the walls, or change the curtains?
• Getting sunshine during winter. Go outside to have breakfast
• Listening to music. Anywhere anytime.
• Reading. Anywhere anytime.
• Arts and crafts. What are your interests?
• Exercise, using energy. Do you like sport? Or is a walk around the block good? Doesn't matter which - just get the blood flowing however you want.
• Getting out in nature (trees, flora and fauna)
• Building a network of social activities. This could be part of interests and sports.
• Unlearning all the unhelpful things from an earlier life. Maybe you'd need the help of your GP and therapist.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth,

I've progressively working through the posts, I ought have added this to the last one I sent you. Bit slow today 🙂

Totally agree with having a tidy and organised house (without going overboard). Certainly makes a difference to how I feel. One of my hangovers from childhood is - the kitchen has to be cleaned before I go out because I'm not a happy person if i come home to dishes, crumbs on the sideboard. Actually I think it's one of my OCD traits. Though I don't mind it because it keeps - ants and cockys away.

The daisies you talk of sound wonderful. So lovely to have memories that are good. Flowers for me in the house are a trial. I like to have them sometimes, however, they can be a trigger. So now I just have them on really special occasions and have a good talk to myself so I don't go downhill.

Really love your thoughts. Hope you have more to share with everyone.
Kind regards

PamelaR