What helps to keep well?

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Good night Chloe! Sleep well.

[startingnew]

goodnight Chloe, hope your night is peaceful

Urgh is right Pammy, sometimes we just have to accept what we done and move one. learn from it as we go along. yep thats always the way, we always find things that are missing after theyve been replaced!

are you doing abit better tonight?

[PamelaR]

Yes, thanks Starts.

Feeling better now that i've sent the email (as well as turning the house upside down...hahaha)

[startingnew]

that is good to hear. sending some hugs to you just cause i can xox

[PamelaR]

Awwww, thank you. Hugs back to you too.

[PamelaR]

Daily update

Well, after yesterday and last night, I pretty much surprised myself today. Managed to sleep from 5.30am to 11.30am.

I've cleaned out drawers (in search of the elusive badge). Not totally but have gotten rid of rubbish, excess paper etc. Now I know what's in there I can plan a little better about how to manage them into the future.

Did some weeding down the pathway, flower bed and veggie patch! Awesome she says.

That got me inspired to start to rejuvenate the veggie patch as I have tomatoes, sweet potatoes and avocado trees (very small) growing there. The soil is super healthy which I am pleased about, so have started trellising the tomatoes, cutting back the sweet potato, digging out avocado tree for neighbour/friend to plant in their yard. Our yard is way too small, have enough growing in it atm.

In all, after a really all over the shop day yesterday, I've achieved stuff today. Happy little vegemite.

And of course, all this activity - keeps me well!!!

[Chloe_M]

Yay! Good on you Pamela! Sometimes a little clean out is good for the mind. Your veggie patch sounds awesome- I wish I could one but unfortunately no one in my family has the time to care for it 😞

I managed to control my depression and anxiety today. I cuddled the black dog (or cat lol, I don't mind). I do ten pin bowling for school sport, and I didn't want to play today because (a) i was kind of depressed and had 3 break downs in the space of 2 periods and (b) I was worried that everyone was going to judge me for being crap at bowling (which I am). But i picked up the black dog/cat and gave it a huge hug. And i said to it (in my head) "I acknowledge and accept that you are a part of me, but I'm going to put you over in that corner and not let you spoil my day". I then preceded to play and I won with 99 points!! My friends were so happy for me, it felt great!

After school I did some shopping (money wasting therapy). Then I did my daily German lesson on Duolingo. I'm about to go and do my daily mindfulness session, whilst waiting for Headspace to call me back (their intake clinician is busy again). I am proud of myself for not letting that evil little dog get in the way of a fun afternoon with my friends! I'm now listening to Ed Sheeran and feeling pretty good about myself 🙂

Overall, today was an okay day. How was everyone else's day in relation to cuddling the black dog (cat for you Pammy).

Chloe 🙂

[PamelaR]

Well done you Chloe. 99 in bowling!! Don't think I've every scored that.

Cuddling the cat - how that's the go. Yeah, change the dog to a cat. I can do that - easy peesy. The cats can be very mischievous, sometimes (not often) down right nasty little beasties. Ultimately though, with tender loving care, they behave and give you sweet purrs that make your soul hummmm, your heart skip a beat.

The creature that helped me as a child was my cat. It slept with me and protected me. He was gorgeous, my best friend and companion.

So thank you for turning this around for me Chloe. You are one very bright person!!!

Shame about having difficulties getting through to HeadSpace. That's not good really. Although it does go to show how much the service is needed and there isn't enough staff to go round.

Hey, by the way, very proud of you - making the effort to go to 10 pin bowling. You rock Chloe.

Pammy ❤️

[Chloe_M]

Aw thanks Pammy ❤️

I am also very proud of myself, not necessarily because of my score, but because of my effort and self control.

The intake clinician at Headspace called me back, and I have made an appointment for the 23rd of April to see her. During that appointment, she will question me and talk with me and then make a decision about which psych would suit me best. I would then see them on a regular basis. She was really nice and I felt completely comfortable opening up and talking to her. I'm looking forward to seeing her in person.

I did some more mindfulness this evening, and I'm feeling relatively calm. I'm looking forward to the end of school- one more day to go! However I have an essay to write and an extension group history assignment (uh the pains of being in the top class🙄). When I go to headspace I will talk to them about study skills and some strategies.

Hope you all had a great day,

I hope those pesky cats and dogs (aka depression and anxiety) didn't get in your way!

Chloe x

[startingnew]

you are awesome Pammy . look at you go!! still no badge i pressume? you really have stored it safely havent you!

well done to you too Chloe, your progressing along well 🙂