What helps to keep well?

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Hey Paul

Ahhh, now I understand about the 'Calm and true acceptance'. Thank you for helping me there. You are such a wonderful help to everyone on the forums. It is so good having you around. It does give me some comfort. Thanks.

I've heard of Dr Claire Weekes. Will see if I can find her book.

Kind thoughts to you too Paul

PamelaR

[PamelaR]

Hello all

The slumps have hit me. I was out today with hubby at the shops. He said something or didn't say something. I so pick up on other's anxiety, i.e. I'm hypervigiliant. His anxiety then becomes mine. Damn and blast. Why do I do that.......

I had to learn as a child not to upset my mum, especially when she was stressed (probably anxious). How better to do that than pick up on her behaviours, tension, facial expressions etc.

I then had to try to make things better. Fix it so she wasn't upset, stressed or anxious. Like I could actually do that - dahhh. But it is a behaviour and an ingrained trigger for me. I have to watch for the signs to be safe and not get into trouble.

My hubby is in no way - abusive, horrible or unkind. It's me, when I pick up on his stress, I'm at him like at dog with a bone. What's wrong? What is it? Don't you like that? Why not? What's the problem? Poor darling. He's put up with that for a long time. He just ignores me. Which of course only heightens my anxiety. If he'd talk I'd let it go. But I frighten him by my questions - he clams up.

When I recognise what I've done - we talk about it and are okay. Just wish I didn't pick up on his anxiety.

Just had to vent. It's is a way to help me keep well. To let it go, to move on. Can breathe now.

Pammy

[PamelaR]

My own stressor is - can't find my volunteer's badge that I've used once (last week). I put it in a safe place - have looked every where and can't find it. Hopeless, just hopeless.

[Chloe_M]

Aw thanks Pamela

Sending all the hugs I can back to you! And everyone else!

We are very fortunate to have such loving, caring people on the BB forums like you!

Chloe x

[PamelaR]

Thank you Chloe.

You are a breathe of fresh air. Lovely having you along on the forums.

🤗 Pammy

[Liha]

Hi

New on here. I am responding to Blondguy in regards to instead of 'fighting" and fueling the depression or anxiety fire but instead using 'calm and true acceptance ". I can see how that could make sense. Are you able to explain further on how you work with this mindset?

Thanks heaps

Liha

[startingnew]

Hey Pammy i can relate to you so much in the part where ive learnt not to upset my mother and also the part where i pick up on others stressors and become abit like you with all the questions. we often dont mean to get like that sometimes its an automatic response after learnt habits.

ive also got one of those safe places- its rather safe cause no one can find them 😉

just letting you know im hearing you though

Also welcome to the forums Liha

[PamelaR]

Hello Liha

Yes, as Starting New says - welcome. Nice to have you along.

Paul should be around in the early part of the week. He is the best person to answer your query. Lovely man he is.

Kind regards

Pammy.

[PamelaR]

Thanks Starts. Forgiving myself - hubby's absolutely fine. It's me beating myself up. Also not being able to find the 'thing' i put in a safe place. Ugh. Have just sent an email to the Coordinator - admitting my folly and saying I'd pay for a new one. I bet I'll find the other one now. LOL.

[Chloe_M]

1) Heya Liha, and as startingnew said, welcome!

2) thanks Pammy, it feels so nice to be appreciated 😊

3) goodnight all you wonderful people, I'm just about to collapse from exhaustion!

Chloe 🙂