Dear Names_Bo~
I'd like to join Grandy and Loiseau in welcoming you here to the Forum, it's a good place to come to seek other views when life seems not to have a clear direction.
After reading your post I'm not entirely sure that the divisions you sense come from your Christian beliefs. Two members of my family have been ER nurses, and I was a policeman. In both our professions we not only see the most harrowing matters one can imagine, but sometimes the best that people can be.
This view of life is not one ordinary people are exposed to, your experiences are closer to the very basis of life than most will ever encounter, and as a result they really have no foundation to understand or even empathize with your thoughts and feelings . If you like to tihnk to it this way your beliefs have been very much tested, theirs maybe not to the same extent. You have grown.
Once you realize your position is more unique perhaps it will be easier to have confidence in your faith.
ED Nurses and other staff are often part of teams, and then it is the ability to contribute to the tasks of the moment in a timely, skillful and reliable manner that counts. This of course comes with a lot of practice. Then you are accepted.
While many of your colleagues may not share your religious beliefs I would imaging if you looked they would often be in exact alignment wiht them -as you could tell by actions (charity, compassion, a desire to help, giving) . Please don't be put off by interactions in the quieter moments full of black humor and disrespectful jokes, it is actions that count.
Croix
