To apologise or not to apologise is that the question?

[quirkywords]

Welcome everyone.

I call myself the queen sorry as I'm always saying sorry whether things are my fault or not .

Someone could tread on my toe and I would say sorry .A friend will be late and I'll say sorry. You get the idea.

I am often being told I say sorry way too much and that could affect my self-esteem..

It is just second nature to say sorry. I am not aware of it until someone points it out.

I thought I know people who never apologize or rarely apologize but no one ever seems to say to them that they should apologise more.

So do you think it is worse to apologise too much or too little ?

I am interested in your personal experiences.

[quirkywords]

AmberliteI really appreciate you sharing your insights into saying sorry.

I too have a reaction when I feel I must say sorry but usually the words come out before I have time to think. It is a reflex .
I now try to really listen to what has happened before I blurt out sorry.

[amberlite]

Hello to all the lovely people and D&G, awesome you crack me up and I think if we ever bumped into each other I would say sorry and you may get mad and I would again say sorry and smoke may come out of your ears and I would say so sorry and Lord only knows how it may end. I'd probably buy you a drink and after a couple we would probably have a good laugh and play role reversal cause drinking makes anything possible. Anyhow I love the BB forums because I enjoy everyones input. Quirky I agree that sorry can be an automatic reaction and for me I am going to try and catch myself doing it, to see what I mean exactly by it? keep you posted

[amberlite]

Hello to the sorry squad, In the shop a kid turned his trolley and his trolley hit my fingers against my trolley, the kid said nothing just opened his mouth, because he obviously didn't mean to loose control. So I said Fair Go Mate and he said Your Not My Mum, that sounded defensive but worse came when his mums arrives and asks me What Is My Problem? So I said- I am sorry but your kid can not operate the trolley without collision. She told me to blank off moron. Today my sorry was an olive branch to bridge and try to get the situation from where it was to a better situation. I could have done with some D&G chutzpah, how would you others handle the above incident??

[Guest9337]

Something along the lines of...

(directly after the reception of pain from being hit) "youch that hurt, ow" feel free to play it up a bit.

after mum asks "what is your problem" (gesturing to the kid) "We just bumped into each other. He's ok, I'm a bit sore. How you going?"

[Guest9337]

amberlite said:Hello to all the lovely people and D&G, awesome you crack me up and I think if we ever bumped into each other I would say sorry and you may get mad and I would again say sorry and smoke may come out of your ears and I would say so sorry and Lord only knows how it may end. I'd probably buy you a drink and after a couple we would probably have a good laugh and play role reversal cause drinking makes anything possible. Anyhow I love the BB forums because I enjoy everyones input. Quirky I agree that sorry can be an automatic reaction and for me I am going to try and catch myself doing it, to see what I mean exactly by it? keep you posted

"Expressions of "sorry" that are not backed up with action, trigger anger in me."

nah mate, I appreciate the amusing theoretical about us bumping into each other... but... after that initial bump and your sorry, I would assess if you intend to purposely bump into me again.

If I believe you purposely intend to bump into me again, I will reject the sorry as a lie and get angrier.

If I believe you intend to try to never bump into me again, then I will accept sorry, defuse, and maybe have a drink with you!

If we are on a train, I'll be more accepting for example, or on the dance floor I'll be more forgiving too.

[quirkywords]

amberlite it is a tricky situation. I think you handled it well. If it had been my child I would have apologised profusely.

[amberlite]

Hello to all and D&G let it be the dance floor that would be great, you do you crack me up!! and

Quirky, again my sorry soul sister I do find your outlook to be most similar to mine. A sorry in time saves nine or something like that. Funny thing I do remember as a kid reading a Lady's Deportment Book that my mother was given during her schooling. I bet your britches saying sorry and being an exemplary young lady go hand in hand. How I wish I had read the other book I found under her bed, I think it was called the joy of sex? clueless me.

[quirkywords]

Amber books under bed that is funny.

I used to joke that I failed the school of deportment and people beleieved me. I could carry a book on my head without it falling off!!

Sorry soul sister, soumds very moody. Maybe we could people to sincerely apologise more instead of always us sorry queens feeling bad about oversorry saying!!

[geoff]

Sometimes when you say sorry to your partner for having not having what could have avoided a situation, they may take it the wrong way and tell you 'don't patronize me', and you just can't win.

Geoff.

[Guest9337]

I have been derided for being "pedantic", i.e. you're just being pedantic.

Indeed I was being very precisely academically correct.

Am I supposed to be sorry for being academically correct about a subject I have extensively studied academically and am working to communicate to the other?

So "pedantic" is a word of threat/abuse for one, and a word of determined love for me.

Should I apologise for being "pedantic" or should they apologise for using the word as an insult? Or something other than those?

Should perhaps neither apologise, but instead both update their own schema about the term "pedantic", such that for the learner it's less insulting, and for the teacher it's too formal for that student.

Cause when some one tells me I am pedantic, I'm like, you bloody bet ya I am thanks for the compliment!