Three self-care things you did today!

[ecomama]

We can do it BBers, we can do self-care.

Sleepy21 pointed out research that shows self-care REALLY helps!

Please share what you do for self-care so we can get inspiration, ideas and motivation to do it too.

Best wishes
EM

[Eagle Ray]

Hi EM,

 I do know a bit about Kristen Neff’s work on self-compassion. I’ve watched her excellent TED talk twice and should probably watch it again at the moment.

Yes co-regulating was exactly what I meant. I’m often a good co-regulator for others (humans and pets) but struggle more with the self-regulating. I often co-regulate with nature. Humans were not safe for me as a child so I climbed trees, interacted with animals, explored the local bushland, snorkelled and met the fish, watched birds etc. To this day, nature is where I go to find calm and safety. And even when it’s wild it calms me too (I love thunderstorms and wildness along with stillness and balmy weather and everything in between).

That’s so tough what you went through with your mother, and your father too. My mother was not in the psych hospital but had explosive rage associated with abuse (emotional and physical) from her mother. Her mother had electric shock treatment but never got out of her disturbed mental state and eventually suicided. My Dad also experienced trauma and neglect from the womb/birth onwards. He had uncontrolled rages also. So it was very volatile my childhood environment, but beneath their out-of-control behaviour my parents had a gentle, good side. Dad mellowed when I was in my 20s, not so much Mum, though at her core she was extremely sensitive and gentle. The contrast made life confusing for me.

Self-care today was a challenge as I fell into a deep depression, but still managed somehow:

1. Went for a very long, slow walk - the only way I could manage feeling depressed.

2. Made a marinade for chicken using a fresh lemon from my tree, olive oil, garlic and thyme.

3. Chatted to nice ladies who run a local cafe (acting completely fine and cheerful on the outside even though internally I felt terrible - but sometimes that seems to help, and don’t know what else to do anyway).

[quirkywords]

EM 

like to find this thread again.
self care is hard as others may see me as being lazy so it is hard.

i can’t tell people I am still tired from post covid as they say you must be feeling better now .

So I pretend to others but not to myself.  

[Eagle Ray]

Hi quirkywords,

It’s tough dealing with something others are not understanding. I understand about the pretending thing. I’m sure you’re doing some good self-care. Sending you healing, full recovery wishes 🙏

[ecomama]

Lol Eagle Ray, do you reckon we're "twin souls"? 

I could have written almost ALL of this verbatim >>> "I often co-regulate with nature. Humans were not safe for me as a child so I climbed trees, interacted with animals, explored the local bushland, snorkelled and met the fish, watched birds etc. To this day, nature is where I go to find calm and safety. And even when it’s wild it calms me too (I love thunderstorms and wildness along with stillness and balmy weather and everything in between)."
I still do all those things! 

Don't you just LOVE the "charge" in lightning and thunderstorms? 
I loved them back then because it was they were showing the rage and power I felt inside myself. 
Now I just experience them whole heartedly. 

I'm not telling you NOT to share your past, it's something I think we all NEED to do... for x long. For me and it seems for you too, finding out how our parents could be as they were, why they were that way... can be healing for us if we visit those times with intention. 

Then ONCE we do this enough, for x long, receive the healing and the emotional charge associated with any of those times evaporates, we can FILE them. 

They no longer have any capacity to harm us. 
We arrive at the TRUTH. 

Detachment is a virtue, yep it is. BUT it's also a skill. 

I replaced "my depression" with "depressive thoughts". 
From being diagnosed with "clinical depression" to have the ALL CLEAR of any depression 2y ago, everything I did worked out for me. 
It's working out for you too ER, I can FEEL things are working out for you. 

Did you want to have a peek at Dr Joe Dispenza's YouTube Channel, specifically at the "Testimonials" section. 
You might have a cry! I did but they were tears of GRATITUDE! 

You are in the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time ER. 
Things are always working out for you. 

Love EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Hey quirky! I'm so glad you found us again! 

Whilst talking with my youngest daughter (I call Yvette on the forums) tonight, I raised the Teddy Roosevelt speech from 1910 that I printed out, laminated and POSTED on the kids' toilet wall lol! 

It's the ONLY thing there for them to look at as their passing time sitting there lolol. 

It's titles "It's Not the Critic that Counts". 
I asked Yvette if she'd read it, she said "Yes, I know it off by heart now" (lol). I said "Good! That was my purpose in posting it there, recalling this over your lifetime will REALLY support you.... 
Now the critic is sometimes inside US. 

It doesn't count. 
Criticism & perfectionism have a close ally called comparison. They all litter our path. She's gone off to think about this lol. 

Boundaries have to start with us don't they quirky? 
We have to mentally allow ourselves the freedom to care for ourselves. 
It's really no one else's business WHY or WHAT or WHEN or even HOW we do this. 

Caring for ourselves needs no justification to anyone. 

More power to you quirky! 
Love EMxxxx

[Eagle Ray]

Thanks EM. I’m glad you share those connections with nature. Maybe we are twin souls.

 I understand what you are saying about detachment. What I’m struggling with are the components of trauma that are preverbal and even preconscious (in my case, birth trauma, separation from mother at birth, mother not bonding with me after birth etc). I know some of the stuff I’m experiencing is that deep. Joe Dispenza’s work makes sense for trauma developed a little later, even a small child, but I’ve also been dealing with primal stuff that’s even prior to the development of personality as such (though it might be a contributor to the personality that subsequently develops). I know that part of what he looks at is how personality and thoughts shape outcomes, but sometimes stuff is even pre-personality.

 I know he talks about feelings being the language of the body and thoughts the language of the mind. With preverbal and preconscious trauma I feel you only have the body to work with. I’ve been helped by a process called somatic experiencing which starts from the body, and I like this approach because of how primal it is. I find I can only reach deep healing from this place with regard to the deepest, earliest trauma. I’m in process with that now.

I’m glad you’ve been able to move from the position of “my depression” to “depressive thoughts” and you’re now in the clear. I get it. Depression is not normally my main thing, it’s just been really bad the last 2 days. I’m aware of what it’s linked to which will take too long to explain here. Anxiety has been a bigger issue in my life. But I agree, they are not clinically fixed entities and we can move them. It’s when feeling states are pre-conscious that I find the most challenging, and that’s what I’m trying to organically work through now.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts. And, yes, I’m sure you are right that things are working out for me, even when I’ve been at a low point and been feeling they’re not working out.

Take care and love and best wishes from ER xxxx

[ecomama]

Dear Eagle Ray, I truly hope this therapy and any others you select for yourself help heal all trauma, whenever in life the events occurred. 

I also think you'd love to read his books because much of what's online is "surface stuff". He goes far deeper on all spheres in his books. 

Love and best wishes to you too! 

My self-care today: 
~ I had a "do it now" mentality with almost everything I touched at work and home, feels great getting things behind me! 
~ ate a great salad for lunch and lots of fruit today, 
~ since "alignment" and "synchronicity" is my new level, I took it up a notch! Lol, packed TONS into my after work time and did mental rehearsals of green lights and perfect parking spots, it worked EVERY time. 
My self-care in this point is to be active on the level I'm on and see evidence inside and outside of me that all I'm doing is working. Yahooo! Hahaha. 

Love EMxxxx

[ecomama]

My self-care for today: 
~ brought healthy food to work with me
~ allowed myself some treats that were offered at a Conference I attended
~ spent time Meditating which is SO important in my daily life now. Soon I'm sure this will become HABIT! 

Love EMxxxx

[ecomama]

My self-care today: 
~ took a leave day off work
~ treated myself to a pedicure with sparkly BLUE nail polish to match the colour of the sea my kids and I are swimming in every weekend
~ I like it when I notice that things are always working out for me. I KNOW the Meditations are making things work out for me in the world around me because of the specific ways they're working out for me lol. 
Love EMxxxx

[Eagle Ray]

1. Hung out washing this morning and immediately after a dark rain cloud came over and rained on it. I thought oh well, now it’s rinsed in extra clean, fresh rainwater. So practising equanimity.

2. Chatted to a friendly female magpie who is coming quite close to me now when I’m outside in the garden. I even chatted with her through the kitchen window today while doing the dishes. She seems to really listen and is like my lovely little friend. She warbles back at me too and then trots about looking for things to eat in the grass.

3. Released energy from recent stress by going for a nature walk. I had other things to do but knew I needed to make gentle kindness to myself a priority.