Three self-care things you did today!

[ecomama]

We can do it BBers, we can do self-care.

Sleepy21 pointed out research that shows self-care REALLY helps!

Please share what you do for self-care so we can get inspiration, ideas and motivation to do it too.

Best wishes
EM

[ecomama]

Hey Eagle Ray, I'm really enjoying reading about how you're doing things differently. 

Yes I like my monsters too lol. In fact I LOVE them and they've been napping happily for ages now lol. 
You see if we fight or deny them, we are fighting and denying ourselves, ughh what a rabbit hole THAT is. 
The opposite is needed, for us to be integrated beings. 

Shame? Bring it on. You do know we ALL have "shame forests" and Brene Brown says that if we don't? Then we're pathologically unwell lol. 
So there's a SANITY check! BIG TICK. Well done you lol. 

If you want to share, we are ALL here to hold hands with you any time, remember that. 

Anxiety... aha. 
My remedy since you didn't ask lol, THANK YOU for trying hard to keep me safe! I know you're bringing all this up to protect me! I APPRECIATE your efforts! 
BUT I'm going to do it anyway. No, it doesn't matter how much you harp on things, I'm DOING IT so go to sleep. 

SO much is from FOO issues. So many unsupported events back then. Now we can support ourselves with the love and nurturing we needed then and now. 

We are enough. We are MORE than enough. HIGH FIVE Eagle Ray, we are doing okay. 

Love EMxxxx

[Eagle Ray]

Thank you EM!

I’m glad if the shame means I get a tick in the SANITY box, as I sometimes wonder about that one 🤪 And yes I’m gradually learning about anxiety trying to protect me. I have had a fight-flight-freeze dynamic my whole life, especially the freeze bit. I’m gradually learning to come out of this, but I think that process itself can sometimes induce anxiety as old memories get processed and are in a stage on integration, which I think is happening for me at present.

Thank you for being so kind, insightful and supportive 🙏

My 3 self-care things today:

1. Going for a walk and meeting a nice couple with their border collie puppy who I got to pat - so soft and fluffy 🐶💗

2. Had a simple, homely dinner of eggs on toast with a side of avocado. I enjoyed eating it while listening to the rain outside while cosy inside.

3. Did some major anger processing today in relation to past events. I realise that although I’ve had situations where I’ve been unable to fight back, there are others where I have assertively stood up for myself and others (including those that were powerless at the time and needed support). I realised I have that power within me, and that helped to diminish the impact of memories in which I felt powerless, and also that I can appropriately defend myself in the future if I need to. So basically feelings of powerless anger are transformed into powerful assertiveness - a much wiser, empowering place to be in.

[ecomama]

Hey Eagle Ray, long time! hahaha. 

Yep not getting off with the ole insanity line. Ain't doin'. 

Aha I'm familiar with the ole amygdala flare up. Not sure if you knew I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD and other alphabet soups just for extra measure lol. 

My default was flight. Always flight. My first memory was 3yo attempting to flee, packed one book and my teddy. 

3 divorces later. 

I still have that urge at times, but know I am safe. 

Did you say you'd had schema therapy? 
I find NAMING the schemas that are activated when I feel a bit "wobbly" helps me so much. 
Tonight abandonment was triggered and then shame of course, as my friends don't WANT to abandon me so it's also nothing to be ashamed of either. 
LOVE heals all things. 

Love of SELF right here. Love the VERB. LOVE your self-cares! 

Mine were: 
~ received the gift of sharing from my youngest daughter, gosh it was painful watching her grief and distress, I had to remind myself that these were HER emotions. Held space. Kept my emotional boundaries up. No need for more secondary trauma. It worked FAST. She went for her 2nd Ls Drive lol. She was light and happy today. 
~ checking in with my own MH on the regular. Had more news tonight and know about more coming tomorrow. Real life and death, this ageing gig is. 
~ ate a yummy lunch out with the kids today. NICE! 
Love EMxxxx

[Eagle Ray]

Hello again EM!

I have complex PTSD too. I also packed a teddy along with a tissue box and a bowl aged 5. Not quite sure what the bowl was for. Maybe to put food in. Stayed outside for a while at night before I realised I was powerless to take care of myself and would have to go back in.

But I am directly in the process now of unlearning that powerlessness of the small child, and it sounds like you are well on your way into such unlearning.

Yes I did have several sessions of schema therapy. I can see it can definitely help. I just unfortunately had a therapist with a very combative approach which activated my past experiences of interpersonal trauma rather than helping me. But I became empowered by being able to communicate this to him (there’s a time I would have been to scared to and just been submissive), realised he wasn’t the right fit and went on to find someone who was.

But I think I’m kind of applying it to myself anyway. I also find shame and abandonment are closely associated. But NAMING it as you point out is what gives us the power to do something about it.

That sounds so lovely and wise about being able to receive the gift of sharing from your daughter while keeping that emotional boundary too. It’s so important. It can be especially hard for us if we have a parent who didn’t have those healthy boundaries with us. It’s like we can be drawn into enmeshment. So it’s wonderful you are caring for your daughter and yourself in this way. That will help her so much in life.

Great you are checking in with your own MH, especially when dealing with life and death stuff going on.

Take care and much love xxxx

[ecomama]

Hey Eagle Ray, we would've had a COOL 3yo camp had we met up back then! hahaha. 
I used to taste test WEEDS at that age too, just so when I did "go bush" I could eat them, ahhh I just made a crazy connection there... my eldest D actually teaches kids at her children's school WHICH weeds are edible and last week, cooked them up in a stir fry with them. wow hey? 

I think I began with inner child work around 35y ago.. Meditations on this with a beautiful Earth Mama teacher. 
Dipped in and out since, Ashrams, etc. Found a GREAT book to use on schemas (which was destroyed in the dark era lol)... it told us about each schema and how to work out if WE had activated such in trying circumstances. 

A Psych did an assessment on all sort with me about 30y ago. I scored in the 90s for enmeshment, just sayin'. 
I AM THE WINNER! hahaha. UGH. 

I probably wouldn't say the process for me could be called UNlearning. 
LEARNING for sure. 
Nurturing. 
Loving. 
Forgiving as you see over there >>> lol. Myself included. 

Yeah my entire family is healing from extreme trauma, abuse incl SA. Plus working FT in a pretty high pressure site, I need to check in ALL the time with how I'm doing. I'm relentlessly checking in with my people at work and home and adult children outside the home. Occasionally friends. 
Grateful to report we are all doing well! 
WELL DONE YOU for standing up when you knew things were awry. YAY! 

My self-care today: 
~ accepted my friend buying me a decaf for our meetup lol
~ saw a fruit stall selling mangoes on the way to my friend's, so I withdrew $50 and spent the lot there lol!
MANGO SEASON! oh yeah. 
~ ate a mango lol. 
Love EMxxxx

[Eagle Ray]

Hey EM, yes, we could have had great little people camp outs! I’ve seen things on tv about kids in Mongolia competently riding horses at 3. Kids can be super resilient and capable even when very small. I liked hearing about your weed tasting explorations. I know someone who runs classes on edible weeds. I feel like a hunter gatherer myself and am at my best when out in nature exploring. Wish I could do that for a living and sometimes think I should have become something like a conservation biologist.

Yes perhaps learning is a better word than unlearning. Can’t really undo the past, but can just move forward with greater insight and wisdom.

You are doing AMAZING EM with all you’ve been through! Checking in with people is so important. I can fail to do it because from age 5 I became my own parent and knew there were no adults to go to if I needed help. So I tend to be overly self-reliant even now, and will hunker down in my own world for self-protection when human contact would actually help me. It’s a challenging habit for me to break.

The mangoes sound YUM!

Self care for me:

1. Napping on couch under a blanket (it’s cold today brrrr).

2. Remembering how I used to care for my landlords’ dog when she got frightened. I’m good at calming down other beings but not necessarily myself, so when I felt vulnerable earlier today I remembered how I calmed the doggy reiki-style with healing energy and then tried that on myself. It worked a bit.

3. Recognised the crossroads I’m at and why that’s anxiety-inducing in me and producing conflicting emotions, and that that’s what I need to discuss next time I speak with the psych.

Love Eagle Ray xxxx

[sbella02]

Napping sounds great, Eagle Ray, I've been needing one of those lately. I'm also so sorry to hear about your anxiety-inducing event today, but glad to hear you intend to talk it through with your psych. It's so important to take care of yourself. 

My self-care activities:

1. Went on a lovely walk today
2. Disconnected from social media a little more than usual
3. More writing

SB

[ecomama]

Hey Eagle Ray, you're doing SO well! 
Have you had a look at Kristen Neff's work on self-compassion? She has some talks on YT and I always remember her saying "to hold our own hands". 

Are you talking about CO - regulating when you settled well with your landlords dog? 
I think the basis of Kristen's work is SELF regulating. 

Yeah my world was similar when I was very little. My mother was in and out of Psych Hospitals for years since being a teen, she had me young. Some times I would wake up and she'd just not be there. No one would tell me where she was, after a while I stopped asking. Father left when I was young, wasn't there much before then anyway lol. (I'm laughing now because he was a COWARD, made all this stuff happen then took off as he'd already created his own other family! OMG what a turkey! ahhh dumb shyte adults do). 
I'm NC with mother. Have been for decades. 
Extended family NCd me decades ago and or passed on. 

I seldom have a need to revisit the past now. 

I just meant my own children that I check in with.  

TODAY My self-care was: 
~ communicated clearly at work
~ phoned Alexa at my break, wow, what a set of synchronicities with us atm, we're excited! 
~ bought an easy dinner to bake for us all on the way home
~ had a LONG nap when I got home. 
Love EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Hey sbella, love your self-cares lol. 

Nice to see you're back to writing again. 

Love EMxxxx

[Eagle Ray]

Thank you so much for your kind words SB 🙏 So glad you had a lovely walk, a social media break and you got to do some writing.

X ER