The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

[quirkywords]

Yes you read the title correctly,

How do we mind less ,

How do we learn not to worry over every thing,

How do we stop getting upset over every comment we feel is not positive.

I would like to discuss ways people have learnt to stop worrying about small things,and

how to not mind about what other people think.

Also how can we stop being reactive and turn that into creative response, not sure how to do this but others may have an idea.

Sometimes we can get angry over lots of things and it is hard to learn how to channel that anger.

I know the more I let things get to me, the worse I feel.

I have always tried hard to do mindfulness but I still struggle.

Maybe if I can stop minding about things that don’t matter I can stop overthinking.

I would like this thread to be a place where we can exchange ideas and share personal experiences about what works for them and what does not.

Feel free to post and let’s get the discussion going.

Quirky

[CMF]

Hi friends, 

I read something recently that said instead of focusing on things that can go wrong, look at all the things that have gone right.

I like that idea .

Cmf

[Eagle Ray]

Dear CMF,

 I read some things by the psychologist Rick Hanson who talks about how we often focus on negative things as a kind of survival mechanism, because we want to avoid bad stuff happening so we can fixate on it because we’re thinking about how to stay safe, protect ourselves etc. He describes this as having Velcro for the bad things and Teflon for the good things. So the bad stuff often sticks to us and the good stuff bounces off and away without us taking it in.

So he talks about learning to take in the good. I know I can get so worried about things that have happened or I think might happen. So I’m finding it does help when I can remember and feel gratitude for the good things. I think in time it’s possible to develop an outlook that has more good in it and to be able to see all those things that have gone right. Often a lot has gone right but our worry about other stuff can cloud it out.

Thank you for mentioning this as I’ve had a lot of anxiety in the past week and it’s good for me to think of the things that have gone well and the positives I have in my life.

[CMF]

Thanks Eagle Ray,

I've has alot of anxiety lately too so trying to focus on all tge things that have gone right.

Cmf

[Eagle Ray]

Hi CMF,

It’s such a nuisance the anxiety isn’t it! I just had the mental image of throwing mine on the ground and stomping on it 😂 Be gone anxiety!

But it is calming to think of the good things. It’s reassuring somehow that quite a lot of things are ok.

 I hope your anxiety subsides and you can have a peaceful week 🙏

[quirkywords]

Eagle ray

i feel  if I was able to see the positives in my life I wouldn’t have need to worry about what has gone wrong. I keep a gratitude journal and feel so privileged and thankful. Still I worry and over think. thanks for the reference. 

[Eagle Ray]

I totally understand Quirky. I’ve had really bad worry/anxiety/fear recently that I cannot fully alleviate. Gratitude can take a bit of the edge off it but doesn’t eliminate it. I’m trying to settle into gratitude as a way of feeling safe. Definitely a work in progress. Take care and wishing you peace and good feelings.

[white knight]

Hi Quirky and all

At 12yo one of my teachers nicknamed me "Tony the worrier". A permanent frown (now gone) and the lack of laughter, even smiles. My environment at home was to blame. A type 1 diabetic brother 4 years older (them days it was more a major issue) with parents always one eye on him and when a diabetic "turn" came there was more panic than ever with screaming, calling ambulances and so on. My sister and I cried behind corners.

So the origin of my worry as an adult became obvious. What was also obvious is that worry as such was now in my DNA so to speak. I accepted that my "ship" of worry was a huge one and the rudder was broken.  I had zero control. As years went by (bare in mind I had no knowledge of any bipolar or anxiety/depression) how was I going to reduce worry but I refused to give up, my make up demanded that. 

In marine terms I suppose I erected a sail and told everyone to walk to the port side which slowly turned the ship around towards fewer worrying storms.

I do believe the reduction of worry is many fold. So many things must be utilised to reduce it. eg to put under the microscope- our relationships, career, finances, living environment, cooking like planning meals ahead, diet , future plans and time out from unavoidable responsibilities eg children.

Worry is a serious problem. It is a painful way to live. It results in a frequent overflow of our bucket with only few periods of relief in the form of good news or nice company. For this reason I had to go against my natural lifestyle and force myself to make changes that included- attending shows like comedies, move to a smaller town but with services (or I'd worry about how far we were from a hospital etc), place demands on my partner to not place stressful topics on me (not my current wife but past one would bring up financial stress every cuppa time) and for me distraction works so for example daily my activities include taking dogs for a walk, tinkering, going on this forum, cooking etc. Variety helps me as I'm more focussed.  AFL footy gives me another passion. Unable to tolerate crowds and physically sitting squeezed up we dont attend live matches but during footy months I've noticed I'm more excited during the week in the lead up to a weekend match on TV. We make it a real event, pies, wine, chocolate at half time. 

When young I had no financial responsibility. Always broke till the next pay day and a day later broke again. It wasnt till 40yo I really started to turn that around. I built 2 houses and made good choices. That elimination of money as a issue has worked wonders for my worry.

I hope that helps. 

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Tony

you have written much for us to ponder. Iwas called a worry wart in my family. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Tony,

Thank you for all your helpful thoughts and recounting your experiences re: worry.

I’ve noticed myself doing a few things like batch cooking to give me meals ahead so I don’t have to cook every night. I find even a small thing like that makes a difference. I can then go out and do photography around sunset without thinking I’ve still got to cook dinner. It also means on days where I’m fatigued or below par with my mental health, it’s one less thing to worry about.

As I’m prone to being easily overwhelmed I’m learning to recognise my limits and not exceed them. I’m also learning there is no shame in not being able to do as much as others. So I feel that worrying less has a lot to do with acceptance too.

At the same time it’s good for us to challenge ourselves too, like what you mention about getting out and attending comedy shows. So it’s like finding a balance between the time we need to ourselves and time with others in positive and engaging social settings. I find that if I find a balance between those things that I’m less prone to worry. I know too much isolation is not good for me, but at the same time space and time for myself are absolutely necessary for me to rest and recharge.

[white knight]

Batch cooking.  I'm the house cook, I cook pasties as they are ideal for freezing and have all the goodness of a cornish pastie made famous in the mines for a wholesome meal in a package. Sushi is a lunchtime favourite and easy now I have a cheap plastic sushi maker which is so easy to use (use google).

If anyones interested-

Cornish pastie

400gm mince

1 onion

gravy 

(cook the above and set aside)

Cut sweet potato, pumpkin and potatoes all in 1cm cubes till 3/4 cooked (over cooking will cause them to mash) 

Boil carrots half size of potatoes

Add lots of corn and some peas

Salt and pepper

Stir all ingredients. Let cool a bit

Use shortcrust pastry on the bottom and puff pastry sheets for the top. Microwave for 30 seconds each sheet.

Bake for 35 minutes at 185C

Serve with cuddles

TonyWK