The frog and the scorpion. Our nature

[white knight]

Briefly the story goes like this-

A scorpion eager to get to the other side of the river asked a frog to transport him there in his back. The frog refused telling the scorpion that he'd sting him once he got there and he'd die. The scorpion insisted he wouldn't kill him so the frog took him to the other side. Almost at the bank the scorpion sung the frog and before dying the frog asked the scorpion why he did that as he pledge he wouldn't....the scorpion replied "because its in my nature"..

And so we come to the theme here. The inherent qualities both good and bad inside us that cannot be changed. The foundation of our character will not budge. All the other parts that are plasticine can be moulded to improve on our faults. But we really are a ship on a course with our nature.

That leads me to ask the question- if there is a characteristic you don't like (often highlighted by another person) that is in ground in your personality, what can you do about it?

E.g. I have a slight anger problem. I usually brush it off with "stress" but in reality I have to own it. Even though it's my nature, with anger there is a victim, be it a slight raising of your voice (my case), or worse.

The fact remains, change is near impossible. The "slight raising of my voice" is the result of a build up of disappointment that one tries to suppress, then balm! It all overflows.

I've come to the realisation that with the ever predicted outburst if I can move on quickly then life's good. However if that event repeats itself too often the victim can tire of it.

To judge if your trait is inherited just look at members of your blood family. Do they get angry? Are they selfish?

To summarize- we are talking about personality flaws we don't choose, they are part of your inherited make up.

Do you have any and how do you control them?

Tony

[missep123]

Hi everyone,

@white knight it really resonated when you distinguished between what you can and can't change. This is something I have been especially working on recently. Learning that there are events outside my control and the only thing I can really control is my mind. It has been taking practice but I have been noticing my 'less than ideal' habits of thinking - which is a good thing because now I can work on changing them!

[white knight]

Hi missep

Yes, when we concentrate on the things we cannot change it is pure worry. Worry is not productive, gets you nowhere except reverses progress.

Google beyondblue topic worry worry worry

TonyWK

[missep123]

Hi TonyWK,

That is so true! I heard a quote recently and it completely resonated with me 'Everything except the current moment is just a thought'. It is so true! Also 'Happiness is a choice'. Those two quotes have been really helping to ground me and overall I really do feel less stressed and more happy (it's a journey of course though!)

[white knight]

Hi Missep

"Happiness is a choice". To a great degree. Luck has a lot to do with it though.

Take inheritance... money does assist in happiness or rather lack of money brings sadness. Some people get huge amounts at a young age, no mortgage, more spending ability, more saving ability.

Happiness more likely.

TonyWK

[missep123]

Hi TonyWK!

You are right! I guess it is a case by case scenario!

[white knight]

Hi Missep

The way I see our "nature" as being the most predominant thing that shapes our lives, is that our nature is us. We cant change our nature at all significantly but we can mould our personality to improve our quality of life.

Our nature for example could include- excessive weight. I'm from a large family weight wise, we are all over weight. Some members have had surgery to enable them to lose up to 65kg. I'm a strong build but also over weight at 135kg. I can argue it is my nature- it's me, thats who I am. But I can mould my weight to some degree with diet and so on, however it is limited in success.

As the title and story depicts, the nature of the scorpion is that he stings other animals and no matter his promises- he still stung the frog. Therefore the metaphor is clear to us with mental illness- that it's part of our nature even if or illness is developed through incidents or environment, its still part of our nature.

That results in focussing on mending what we can mend and not trying to mend what is not mendable like our nature.

TonyWK

[missep123]

That is very thought provoking TonyWK!

Maybe a part of my journey then is to accept my nature and not be so resistant but rather perhaps see the positive in it and what I can change I can mould for greater life quality and happiness 🙂

[white knight]

Yes, accepting your nature, your personality, is not only steering your attention away from places that your efforts aren't productive, but it has an indirect result- that being, by accepting yourself you begin to like yourself as you are not focussing on your main character.

As an example- I used to own a car, a french car, 4 door sedan. One day I cut the roof off to make it a convertible. Eventually the car bowed in the centre as it didnt have the strength in the chassis, the backbone of the car to do away with the roof. Point is- it was never a convertible, its bones were a sedan. I could have modified the sedan by leaving the roof on and painting the car to make it a really nice car.

Our DNA is set. Our character and personality is ours and ours alone. We can eb proud of that embrace it but focus on the things that need attention...and only those things... and have reasonable expectations of a goal

TonyWK

[missep123]

I really like what you wrote Tony about having reasonable expectations of a goal. For example one thing I have been working on for increased happiness and my wellbeing is to write in a gratitude journal. At first I did this everyday but what I often do with new things is that I end up forgetting to do it! So rather than being tough on myself for not doing this everyday, I congratulate myself when I do remember to do it. I want to be gentle with myself in this regard as usually I am too strict.

[white knight]

Hi M

I'd just turned 17yo when I joined the Air Force as a trainee radio tech. My goal however was a pilot. My problem was, my goal of pilot was way too unrealistic as I didn't have the academic ability.

We are usually much fairer on others than we are in ourselves. That pat on your own back makes up for the loss.

That frog and scorpion are examples of the nature of animals. We are animals which is often overlooked, in fact we differ greatly. The collective of society has narrowed down what the majority believe is "normal". Unfortunately, this means a big chunck of individuals are over that boundary fence. It's unfair, judgemental and divisive not to mention cruel.

We, the mentally impaired are normal, we developed normally as we are, we have every right to be in society as those in the Coral of normality.

These normal people the smirk over that boundary fence are so... well...abnormal at times

TonyWK