Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Thanks Music and Happy for you replies.

So if they are linked can you have self doubt without the inner critic or have an inner critic without self doubt. I wonder if it is up to the individual and not everyone has the two concepts linked.

For me they go hand in hand but the inner critic is harsher and I can be rational with my self doubt but am often over whelmed by my inner critic

I think it is interesting to read about other people’s ideas.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky and all,

When I was told I could go home, I had a lot of self doubt about going back home and trying to start living better then before..I think that was my self doubt..

A few minutes after I walked into my home, my inner critic started on me...You should have stayed in the hospital, your useless at life, you won’t be able to do this, go back and live there, you belong their, you can’t do this and you know it..l think they are two different parts of us...My gentle critic has run away and hid from me..I’m going to try to prove to my horrible inner critic that’s it’s wrong and I’m right, then let my gentle inner critic lead me throughout today..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Grandy,

you explained it so well .

I am sorry your inner critic is so loud but glad you have a plan to get your gentle helper, don't like the word critic, back in your life.

You have done so well, you recognised you needed help got help and now this is the next phase.

Tell your inner critic even in hospital you were helping others by writing posts and by sharing your story honestly I know you helped many people who are struggling.

You know that saying

What would ( insert famous name) do?

So when inner critic is so loud

say What would my gentle critic do or what would my supportive friends from beyond blue do or advise me to do?

Just a thought because I know I need all the tools I can when my inner critic is telling me how lazy I am etc.

Let us know how you are going if you want to?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

I am just wondering how everyone’s inner critic is going for this new year.

I hope it is quiet and under control.

I think I have said before when I feel criticised by someone especially a loved one, my critic then joins in.

I wonder how others stop criticism from others being an opportunity for your inner critic to join in and make things worse?

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm not sure if it is my inner critic or just feeling very negative but things are not going well. I don't need others to criticize I'm able to do it myself

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Elizabeth, I am sorry that things are not going well for you.

Is this just a recent thing or some challenges that have been with you for a long time but are now causing you problems.?

I will look at your thread and see what is happening in your life.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone.

I was listening to a radio announcer talking about people who have different voices and who to talk themselves like having na inner critic, and people rang in and explained how talking to these voices helps them.

Some people did mention an inner critic, but a journalist said she interviews herself , other people have a ten your old who encourages them, some have 3 different voices who all help the person see things from different perspectives. I liked the way it was just seem as something adults do and thee was no hint that it was odd.

I like the idea of being interviewed rather that criticised though interviews can get mean but I could say next question!

What do you think of having an interviewer rather than a critic, would that help.?

Quirky

I know people have suggested having a softer encouraging voice to drown out our inner critic.

[sister moon]

Hi All,

Really interesting conversation about "self doubt" and "inner critic". Same thing or not? Hmmmm.... For me if I was using the terms the possible difference might be that "self doubt" for me could just be a "feeling" of doubt, more vagueness and uncertainty wrapped around it, where as what I would call my "inner critic" is never short of words, or examples of exactly what is wrong/bad/lacking about me. My inner critic is loud and sure of itself. My self doubt is softer to some extent, more physical. I feel "self doubt", I hear my "inner critic". My self doubt can ride solo, but often if not caught in time will invite my inner critic along for the ride. My inner critic is stronger and louder, but never rides solo. Doubt is the door that lets my inner critic in.

If that makes sense to anyone else.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Sister moon,

Thanks for your post , it makes a lot of sense to me.

I like how to make a distinct difference between self doubt and inner critic as it feels to you and your experience.

I am interested in the idea that for you inner critic never rides solo and doubt lets it in.

My inner critic feeds off others criticism of me and works alone with me but can have guilt, self doubt, negativity invite inner critic in. More often inner critic works solo.

What a thought provoking post.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I am on the first week of my 6 week online free mindfulness course.

I heard that the opposite to mindfulness is a default mode where we are not mindful and on auto pilot. In this state people say were are susceptible to self criticism and self doubt.

In this default mode we are full of distractions and not focussed.

I wonder do you have a default mode that makes you more vulnerable to your inner critic.

Quirky