Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Thanks asdff. I can relate to that. At my lowest inner critic is at its loudest.

I am sorry your inner critic is being very demanding and I hope you can tell it to leave you alone.

Quirky

[asdff]

Quirkywords bizarre/odd/funny that I told my dearest friend to go for something this morning. Yet with myself it is too much for me to go for the same sort of goal.

[Jojo100]

Hi everyone

I see my inner critic as a bully who picks on my vulnerable inner child. To overcome this I try and build up my inner adult who speaks up for and protects the inner child. This takes some practice with positive self talk. Also when the inner critic starts up I imagine a giant stop sign and say the word STOP a few times to interrupt my thought pattern. This seems to help too. Hope this is of some value.

jojo

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone and a big stop sign to all inner critics,

jojomthnaks for your helpful post. it sounds you are using transactional analysis

with adult , inner child and forgot the the third part!!

I think being aware is the first step and having control with the stop sign are very helpful steps.

What have people used that has worked to quite their inner critic?

All thoughts and ideas gratefully appreciated,

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky 😊 (and Hi too to everyone joining in).

I'm well and truly out of the loop as I haven't been reading much lately. What happened to set your critic on a rampage? Are you alright?

I like Jojo's idea about the stop sign. I think recognising the thoughts are unhelpful and cutting them off sounds good. But in practice I need to be busy as well. Too busy to think. Distraction like that isn't always easy though.

Another thing I noticed lately is how it can be liberating to make the active choice to stop caring what anyone thinks. Inner critic included. What prompted that is my return to being unwell. I'm sick of busting my ass trying to meet expectations... Most especially my own expectations of myself.

So I found myself listening to my critic waffle on about how useless I am and how everyone would be better off blah blah blah. Same old. And I just shut her up. For good or bad I'm here and not going anywhere. Yep I am weird and kinda useless at some things. But I'm also ALLOWED to be!

Last week I spoke with my friend's 14 year old and was absolutely gutted to realise her self esteem is worse than mine! I asked her what does she do that makes her feel good about herself? And what makes her feel crap that needs to be cut down or out.

Driving home I figured I'd take my own advice. Working outdoors and gardening makes me feel fitter and happier. So that's where I am as often as possible.

Is there anything you do Quirky that in that moment you usually feel ok with yourself?

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

I came across this quote this morning and wanted to share it with you all:

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person (or your inner critic) or an event to control your emotions. Perna Chodron

Easier said than done at times.

Wishing you all the clarity to know when to stomp on that inner critic, when to listen to it and accept it and when to grow and flourish despite the inner critic.

Cheers all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Greetings to all those trying , struggling and doing ok,

Mrs Dools

Thanks so much for sharing those words of wisdom.

I suppose I try never to listen to my inner critic because it is always harsh but I do try to listen to that kind soft voice who sometimes reassures me when I am self doubting. I needed those words this morning ,

Here is to us all growing and flourishing today and forever.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky and All,

I think that sometimes I am not even aware that I am my own critique, so I don't realise where the feelings of hurt inside me come from.

I feel it is my own sense of being inadequate that stops me from attempting different situations, activities and events.

Realising this is the case, may help me to conquer my doubts and to grow in strength and capability!

Cheers to you and All reading from Mrs. Dools

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Mrs Dool

I think self awareness is vital I. Tami g the inner critic. Sometimes I get stuck in self doubt and being very critical of myself I forget what I am doing and who is in control.

Thanks for your input.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

hi Nat and thanks for your comment. Sorry I missed it, I sometimes scroll too fast

Firstly I don’t think you or anyone is useless and wish everyone would take that word from their vocabulary.

I am glad you are trying not to worry about what others think of you.

I think it is great you have found something that makes you fitter and happier.

for me it is my shop and being surrounded by books . the. Trouble is at this time of year when there are few sales I have to remind myself that just being with my books is an end in itself and carting boxes of books helps as well.

I would say my self esteem at 14 was a lot worse than mine is now .

Thanks again Nat for giving me lots to think about.

Tell your inner critic you have so much insight into your own life and wisdom to share and your words help many people.

Quirky