Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Elizabeth I was moved by your post.mIt is so sad what people endure and how it affects their lives forever. Maybe some of the students who bullied you would feel very bad if they knew how badly it affected you.

You May say that it is too little too late but I do know that often bullies were bullied by someone at home or by older children at school .

Meanwhile I have no excuse for having an inner critic I just have always thought I had no confidence e and never felt good enough.

Thanks Elizabeth for sharing you personal painful memories.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Quirky said 'I have no excuse for having an inner critic' I think we need to be careful of comparing ourselves. For some family background creates problems, others experience problems with others outside the family. In others genetic makeup makes them prone to certain mental health issues. The last thing any of us need is to beat ourselves up for not have a good reason for feeling the way we do.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Elizabeth in my head I know I should not beat myself up for not having a good reason for feeling the way I do, but in my heart I still feel and my inner critic makes me feel guilty for the good upbringing I had .

I read lots of posts here with the terrible suffering people have experienced and I am so grateful for my life .

It is something I am aware of and so is my critic.

thanks again Elizabeth.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Hello Everyone

This has turned into a great discussion and one that is extremely important for all of us.

Quirky, thanks for your comments. Should I put them on my wall? 😊

The eternal battle between head and heart. I find when I really look at a situation that my heart is often right and the brain is taking the easy way out by switching to the default mode. This is where neuroplasticity comes in.

Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form new connections and pathways and change how its circuits are wired; neurogenesis is the even more amazing ability of the brain to grow new neurons. I had a quick search and Mr Google came up with this. It's often something we can do ourselves. Instead of turning left at the pub turn right. It needs lots of repetition, repetition, repetition. Whoops, needle stuck.

It's that constant conversation we have with ourselves about our failures in life. Rather than try to push the thoughts away, which is hard work, we must think of something different to say. Even the situation you are in can be a lesson. You may not want to brag about it but you can allow a feeling of satisfaction to thread through your body and remember that. So next time you slip into default mode, make yourself remember this feeling or any other accomplishment.

The default path is a well-worn track while the path to reasonableness is overgrown and we cannot see the path. By constantly changing direction and walking on the new path, which will be well worn eventually, the old path becomes overgrown. That's my description of the brain. No doubt anyone with more knowledge will roll round the floor laughing. Whoops, that thought is unkind, what can I put in its place. Ah yes, Quirky's comment.

Apart from my flippancy I think this is what we must and do it frequently, preferably every time Jessica pops up her head. Grandy, do you mind if I use your idea? It will take time and I know from my own experience that getting tired of the constant rebuttals can make us stop for a while. When you have had a rest you can start again. The beauty of this is being more accomplished each time we pick ourselves up and start from where we left off. Yeeeaay!

Mary

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Yes this discussion is interesting and a bit complicated for me but I just need more time to absorb people's comments.

Thanks Mary, for your comments and a sensible suggestion to try. I do find change hard so I need to read your post several times and work out how I can apply it to me.

I am going to try your suggestion and hope others do to and then let us know how you went.

I am game is anyone else?

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I studied neurology at university as part of my course. Far from rolling around laughing I think your explanation puts things in a way everyone can understand. For me it is a good reminder of what I can do to improve my life. Thanks for the reminder.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Elizabeth , I agree simple explanations and reminders are very helpful.

For me I need to keep practising when I am trying to change an old habits because I find it hard and I go one step forward and two steps back and my inner critic is there saying told you so, you can't change.

I keep trying and plodding on the new path and ignoring the old path.

Quirky

[asdff]

Quirky I have a horrible inner critic. I speak to myself in a terrible manner. I do not speak to others in that way. Nor would I ever. I do not know how the inner self speak turned so nasty. I know what you eman about arrogance/self worth. Being bi polar I do swing between thinking I am an okay person. To being the worst at everything, wanting to die etc. My pyschologist has told me I need to speak to myself like I would a dear/close friend.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

asdff, welcome to this thread..

If you scroll back and read white rose/Marys post about retraining the brain to quieten our inner critic. she has very good suggestions that I will try to follow.

i know I should treat myself like a close friend and I can at time but sometimes I fall into old bad habits and that inner critic is on full volume and on automatic replay list I g all my faults do which there are many.

If you read other posts you can see many have a loud inner critic and some have tried ways that work at times.

Thanks agin for your contribution .

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone,


Quirky, I have a few books that I started when Tony wk wrote a few poems for me..I started hand writing them into my book of “caring for me”...I have also hand written some very caring and encouraging posts that I go to when I’m not doing really to good..and it does help having these handy and easy to get to...I don’t have a printer and hand writing them out is a good distraction..I change my style of writing to make my book look different for each page...

Mary you have some really good information that you have shared with us..I want to thank you....You always give wonderful and caring advise to those you speak with...Your suggestion is something that I will certainly try,I need to get Jessica to be more accommodating to me and Jessie.....I’m starting an 8 week course with Mindspot on Monday.and already Jessica is telling me that I’m not capable of completing it, that I’ll fail, I’m wasting their time, I’m not worth it...I’m trying hard to listen to Jessie, but she is sleeping or on holiday somewhere atm...So who’s going to win this battle....I think to start with Jessica will be full on, then as I progress and hope to start healing, and gain more confidence in the course and me , Then I’m hoping and then expecting that Jessie will start popping herself into my thoughts and overpower Jessica and in the end Jessie and I will triumph over Jessica....

A bit of a mixed up post...but taming that inner mean and nasty critic of mine is putting a mixture of thoughts into my mixed up brain....Let the battle begin...

Grandy..