Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Grandy I am just going to talk to your inner critics J as I will call her as I don't want to upset any people with same name!

J,

Grandy is one of most caring competent hard working persons I know.

She will complete the Mindspot course with her usual diligence and you can shout and be angry all you like but Grandy will not listen to you . She is strong and confident and she will blossom.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Hello Everyone

I thought I had posted a reply to everyone but maybe I neglected to press Post. Second try.

I thank you all for your wonderful comments and especially those addressed to me. I have just been dealt a devastating blow and my IC is telling me it's what I deserve. I am finding comfort in your words, thank you.

Not able to talk what has happened but please don't worry. My IC has me by the throat and I cannot break free because I know she is telling the truth. I will remind myself that I am not a complete loser when I read your words and hope they count for as much as the bad words I am hearing.

Heartfelt thanks.

Mary

[quirkywords]

Mary,

I am so sorry and to be blunt your Ic knows nothing of the wise kind thoughtful person you are. you give so much caring suggestions and ,isten carefull tomposters who are struggling.

Will those kind words of. Your fridge help soften the voice of your noisy IC,

Sending kind thoughts

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Thank you for your kind words.Had another blow this morning. I do need to read the words on my kitchen wall. They would not fit on on my fridge. 😊

I feel so alone even though there are people on BB who help me. I guess that's the downside of living alone. Sometimes we need the physical presence of someone.

Thanks

Mary

[quirkywords]

hello all

Thanks Mary, I am visualising looking at the whole wall of comments.

Your post made me think that if you live alone does your inner critic shout louder and more aggressively.?

Then again once In a time very long ago I lived with a person who preferred to go out to the bar alone at night and when home would be meaner than my inner critic so much my IC just retired for the duration of the relationship.

I sometimes feel my IC is opportunistic and makes the most of any situation and if things are going well, IC points out it is a fluke and will not last forever as I am bound to mess things up sooner or later.

Quirky

[Jen27]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here, hope it's ok to join in the thread.

I found it really interesting to think of interviewing your IC, I'd never thought of it before.

When I tried, I found I got really angry at my IC instead of the intention of being an impartial interviewer. Words to the effect

"this is my mind and body and you are merely a guest here and if you don't start having some manners, showing some respect and being kinder - you're out!"

Only early days, but it seemed to help. IC still has outbursts but I remind " manners please or that is unkind etc."

Might sound weird but I felt like I took back some control.

As I said early days, I'll see if it lasts.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Jen

[Quercus]

Hi Jen 😊

Welcome to Quirky's thread. The more the merrier. I like the idea of telling your IC they are a guest and to play nice or get out.

Does that work when you are very low or just when feeling ok?

Hi Mary ❤

What on earth has happened to give your IC so much power? Whatever these dreadful blows are please know you deserve better. Your IC is wrong. You are a kind and wonderful person. I value you just as you are so tell the IC to shove a sock in it. If you need a place to vent my thread is yours ok. Xx

And Quirky ... you said about your IC saying you'll mess up good things. YES! That's what mine does too. Everything can be fine and yet IC has to remind me that I will flake on people and go awol soon so don't get too close to people. Even hubby. Most days there is a thought planted by the IC that reminds me "he will leave/give up/have enough of you eventually". It is those quiet put downs I find hardest to shake.

Nat

[White_Rose]

Hello Nat

Thanks for your kind words. My support person arrived at my door quite unexpectedly yesterday but oh so welcome. We talked about our IC a little and I told her about the support I had from the forum in the past couple of days. She is a pretty straight talker which I like (well mostly), and she gave me lots of reassurance. What is interesting about your post above is this comment. Everything can be fine and yet IC has to remind me that I will flake on people and go awol soon so don't get too close to people. This is exactly what I have been doing/thinking and it's devastating. Also the thought that people will get fed up with me and leave because I am such a bother.

My visitor asked why I did not have a my own thread, after all this is what beyond blue is all about, helping others. People write in here with their difficulties and ask for help and support and yet I do not do this. I was so surprised and could not think of a reason. It really never occurred to me. I know I write about my own experiences in posts to others which I suppose is enough for me. Weird. It is those quiet put downs I find hardest to shake. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Jen, I too love the idea of telling the IC she is a guest, not a member of the family. I join Nat in welcoming you to the forum and hope you will continue to post here and in other threads. Please feel free to start your own thread if you have something you want to talk about. We all benefit from different points of view.

Mary

[quirkywords]

Thanks everyone for your input. Everyone is free to write, vent ask questions and would be great if it was an IC free zone .

Jen I join with Nat and Mary to welcome you. it is great getting new perspectives here and everyone is most welcome.

I have never thought of the guest idea but my IC is a the uninvited unwanted guest that stays too long and I wish I could be as assertive as you were with yours. I will work on it.

Nat and Mary was interested that you both could relate to the IC being around she thinks are fine . I have mentioned this to others and they felt it was silly but I think self doubt never leaves you.

I also thought it was left over from my extreme moods because in the past when I thought things were great but found out later they were chaotic , I realised I could not trust the good times.

Now I see others experience the IC undermining the good times.

Mary I am glad your support person came at the right time.

I can see from your honesty that no matter how much we can support and help others our IC can still infiltrate our rational thoughts are make us feel like a nuisance .

We must be vigilant in keeping our IC under control at all times.

I really appreciate everyone’s thoughts and look forward to more. All contributions greatfull appreciated .

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Hi Quirky.....I've explained on my own thread about how I feel this "someone" is checking up on me, standing over my shoulder to see if I'm doing it right...getting it right...whether I am good enough, whether what I am doing is perfect enough...this "someone" is so real, I am afraid of displeasing him/her.....of course someone doesn't exist!

It just dawned on me it is probably the IC you talk about..what do you reckon? I have a note in bold letters on my fridge now....it says.."Moonstruck...(I didn't write "Moonstruck"of course, I wrote my own name)......

"Moonstruck...WHO'S LOOKING???"..........to remind myself I AM the ONLY person I have to please....I am hoping this note at least helps a little when i feel "someone"is checking every move I make!! do you think it will work?