Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

quirkywords · ‎21-12-2017

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

quirkywords · ‎14-04-2018

Hello all,

Moon I can relate very much to what you say. I have seen my inner critic as feeding on my insecurities that include worrying what others think about me. With me, when someone does criticise me for something I have written, like a friend did today and she said I made her feel selfish which was never my intention.

I made a comment on a blog to show her support but all she felt was I was putting her down.

I was upset at first but I decided it is her problem and I am not going to be critical of myself as I usually would. To be honest I am a bit upset but I feel I cant control her response to my support.

So for me the critic feeds off other people's negative comments, real and sometimes imagined.

Moon this is a very intriguing point.

Chloe, I am queen of typos so don't worry, your posts are fine.

Quirky

startingnew · ‎14-04-2018

well done Quirky, though im sorry she responded that way. i guess we all have different views and not being able to speak in person we can loose the tone etc as well

quirkywords · ‎14-04-2018

SN, I think most people here, I would never intentionally upset anyone so when someone says my words have made them feel a negative feeling, that really upsets me.

The dilemma is how can I feel good about myself when others put me down. I am always trying to work this out.

I think the trouble is that like many people I absorb the negative comments but let the good comments fall from my emotional sieve!!

My inner critic has enough to work with without me giving it more!! I hope that does not sound confusing.

Quirky

startingnew · ‎14-04-2018

of course its not intentional Quirky, you dont strike me as the type to go out of your way to hurt someone at all. ive read quite alot of your posts to others and i think your a kind soul ❤️

i understand the emotional turmoil it causes when we try to help but people respond negatively, but as you said it wasnt your intentions and that is up to you how they react as well. if someone posts to me and i find it abit offensive ill try to clarify what they meant before jumping the gun and accusing them of being mean etc. but thats me and not everyone does that

i can relate the the emotional sieve too, argh it can be frustrating cant it when the good things slip through. possibly because alot of people focus on what others think of them and thats how we get our view of ourselves rather than allowing ourselves to see the good things too.

and no it doesnt sound confusing.

im wondering if maybe writing out your good points, would help you at all or if you would be willing to do that (no pressure of course) and you dont have to share but on a piece of paper- you can make it pretty with different colours, different styles of writing, patterned paper- but then write what it is that you like about yourself and when the negative thoughts come around it could be a reminder that you arent a bad person and you do have qualities. thoughts..?

Chloe_M · ‎14-04-2018

Quirky and startingnew,

It's kind of like texting; you say something and it comes across differently to the person on the receiving end. Which is why I prefer to discuss serious topics in person or at least over the phone so that the person I am talking to can hear my tone of voice or observe my body language etc.

if someone does interpret my text in the wrong way, my inner critic comes out of her hidey-hole and whispers negative words in my ear. It's horrible. I start feeling really down and negative towards myself.

im writing this in my bedroom and I can smell really heavy smoke and the sky is orange there is a bushfire nearby. Am very worried about a family member who lives near the area 🙁

Hope you guys are feeling better than I am rn,

chloe

Music_Freak · ‎14-04-2018

I feel bad that I haven't kept up with this thread, but I am posting now, I guess.

My inner critic has had too much caffeine or something lately, with all this uni stuff going on with my applying. I'm doubting so much and that stupid voice is making it 100x worse.

I don't have any clue about how to write a uni assignment so of course the voice is yelling at me to give up. Can I do it? “NO!!” “Can I afford it? “NO!!” etc. etc.

The pig headed critic has been powerful over the last few weeks. As for it being tamed...I'm not doing a good job at all and doing all that I can manage is exhausting. I've been in bed since 4pm, just trying to relax.

quirkywords · ‎15-04-2018

Hello all,

SN thanks for your comments and kind words. Have you tried that suggestion of yours? I think that it has been discussed before here and on other threads that while it is easy to point out good points in others it is hard to point out our own good pints wth out feeling arrogant and self conscious. I think for me it is not a matter of not acknowledging my good points which I can, it is not absorbing the negative criticism either real or imagined of others and not listening to my inner critic. I dont feel I am a bad person , I do feel sometimes I may unintentionally upset people. Thank you for caring enough to offer the suggestion .

Chloe, You make a good point about texting and it can be misinterpreted .

I hope your family member is ok.

I hope you are ok.

Quirky

quirkywords · ‎15-04-2018

Music,

welcome to thread. You can post whenever you like.

I am sorry your inner critic is being so loud and critical.

Have you tried to write a letter to your critic putting it in its place. You can write posts,you can learn how to write a uni assignment, Can you try to replace the critic with some positive messages about yoi will be able to cope and how you can get support.

Thanks for posting.

Quirky

CMF · ‎15-04-2018

Hi all,

my inner critic is paying up a bit. Making me doubt myself and think someone else will be ether than me. Making me think people are sticking with me cos they feel 'stuck' with me.

might need to shove it into a box and pack it away.

cmf

Chloe_M · ‎15-04-2018

Hi guys,

Quirky thanks for your concern. My Nan and her dog were evacuated last night and are at my auntie's house. Not sure how my auntie's cats are going to like that! 2 homes were lost in my Nan's suburb, but were on the other side so her house wasn't in serious danger.

CMF I agree your critic needs to be put away! No one is stuck with you, they are with you because they want to be with you. Like us here. Always here if you want a chat 🙂

Chloe x