Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hi all,

Starting New, That loud inner critic at night is annoying especially the voice that just as I hit the pillow decides to review all the mistakes I have made in my life!! Does not help my sleep patterns at all.

Elizabeth, I can so relate to your reply. Being a classic people pleaser I feel I can not win at all.

here are threads on here about setting boundaries that can let us help pothers but not so much that it will affect our health.
Maybe you could phone your family member if more practical support is not feasible.

Of course I do not know the particulars and details of the situation but you need to find a way to protect yourself but help in some way if that is your nature. I know if I get overwhelmed by doing too much or getting over involved emotional it will bring me down. years ago I offered to look after a friends children for a couple of hrs a week to give her a break when she was having relationship and emotional difficulties.

I could have done more but she appreciated that I offered and did help her.

these are only my thoughts are maybe total inappropriate for your situation. It is a dilemma setting bloundaries and one that has been discussed and will continue to be discussed in the future.

Quirky

[IsaJett]

Hey have you ever tried a mediation talk down app before ...to put you to sleep

I used "Jason stephensen mediation sleep peace" type these words in youtube on your phone..I guarantee you sleep well..

it kinda save me too many days ..i lost count

Stay well 🙂

[startingnew]

oh yes Quirky! my IC is rather good at that too. and like you i noticed they are around more when sick.

there is something though ive been curious about with others/everyones IC's though- does anyone have any unusual triggerrs that set them off? perhaps something out of the norm that sets those voices and internal critics off

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Isabel I am not into apps butI have listened to meditation programs it's no luck but will look at your link.

SN, What a good question- are you taking over my role>??!!

I think Tony has a threa dabout triggers and I would say yes sometimes I am not even aware of the triggers until I am upset and agitated.

Sometimes it can be a word that reminds me of a forgotten or hidden memory .

I am not sure how to be aware of the triggers when i dont know what they are until after they have hurt me.

What do others think about SN's question.?

Quirky

[startingnew]

hi IsabelSabrina im sorry i thought i had responded earlier! ive tried lots of different things however not much helps me with sleep. im a chronic insomniac and even with gp prescribed sleepers im often up all hrs of the night. i only get around 2-3 hrs a night of broken sleep if im lucky. the only thing that i find to be quite useful atm is essential oils in an diffuser- best thing ive found yet!

but i do find things that are guided like breathing/meditation/pmr exercises it keeps the IC and whatever else pops up for a little bit. thank you so much for sharing!

oppsy sorry Quirky went a little bit off Topic

uh.. im hoping i wasnt stepping on your toes-if so im sorry, im rather inquisitive lol

i think im on Tonys thread with triggers but will take a look again, it might be one im not on as yet. Like you alot of the time im not sure what triggers me ( i think its a work in progress for us all!!) but often they send my thoughts esp the self doubt however ive noticed one of mine in particular trigger of mine that makes things much worse and that is pain- including physical pain. ive been trying to work it out before i asked the question here and have found a specific pattern when pain occurs and was confirmed again last night - ive boken my finger including both joints and stops just before my knuckle, brusied bone in adjoining fingers as well as all the soft tissue and nerve damage- so its rather painful and abit of journey ahead until breaks healed plus phyio. but having a shower tonight gave me a panic attack and how pathetic i felt with struggling with it and it upset me that ive lost abit of that independence, got myself together but then realised my method to keep the splint dry hadnt worked so had a spare splint but it takes 2 people to change it so needed help again so it got to me again and reduced to tears- and even as i type my IC is screaming all sorts of things like being worthless, pathetic, no good, useless, stupid, i should be able to do them etc etc.

do you find when you encounter triggers it activates the self doubt and voices such as my own?

im really interested in hearing others thoughts too.

oh Quirky and Nat (if your still reading along) would be you able to give a little bit of advice on the ' A Question for new members (and regulars)' im not sure if its appropriate thread but you guys might be able to direct me elsewhere..

[Chloe_M]

Hello startingnew (wave to quirky),

to get my inner critic to shut up, I tell myself this: "you is kind, you is smart, you is important". It is a quote from a movie called The Help (you would get it anyone who has seen it).

I also try and put myself into someone else's shoes. I think from my best friends' or a family members perspective. I try and think of myself how they would think of me. And they love me. So I try to love myself.

chloe

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone reading,

Chloe, I liked the movie and the book the help. Thanks for the quote.

Yes, I have often said about treating ourselves like we would a friend or a loved one, but that can be hard to do at times. I am glad it works for you. thanks for your thoughts they are very helpful.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Dear Quirky...I have just realised that maybe, it's not so much my "inner critic" i.e. the critical part of me that causes me so much anxiety.....but...what I "imagine" others are thinking of me. I have a tendency to over-think things and even verge on being a bit paranoid about what others see, think, how they react, their opinions of me etc.......its not so much"me"criticising myself.

e.g. I sent a family member I am very close to an email earlier this week and no reply. I agonised for ages..."imagining" the reason why he hadn't responded. "perhaps he took offence at my mentioning X..maybe he's having more marriage problems right now, maybe he's upset, hurt, depressed....and and...you name it!

he texted before saying he'd got the email OK...and apologised not answering straight away...very busy week at work, school hols etc...but sounded OK...said he's working today but will give me a call tomorrow. (forgive my rambling, just wanted to share this realisation that it's not so much ME criticising myself ...but how I imagine others are criticising me......does that sorta make sense?.......have a great weekend ....xx

[startingnew]

Thank you for the suggestions Chloe xox

Moon i relate to your post alot. Xox

[Chloe_M]

Hi again guys,

Moon I overthink EVERYTHING. It really sucks. I will send a text to a friend and if they don't respond I think 'omg i what happens if that somehow offends them or they think im weird or crazy' and i get into a thought spiral. I just over analyse and over think and over everything lol.

And when I see the person I messaged at school I ask them about it and they are completely fine and they were just busy etc. I get worked up for no reason. And thats my anxiety playing tricks on me.

Quirky we just watched The Help in English for our American Civil Rights unit. I really enjoyed it, because it wasn't violent (unlike most the movies we watch in English and History).

Chloe

ps sorry for grammar/punctuation mistakes my brain sin't functioning properly this morning... im in school holiday mode already 😛