@Geoff - In a video featuring Brene Brown she asked the audience about vulnerability and if they show it themselves do they feel weak. Many in the audience raise their hand. She then asks about when they see someone else showing vulnerability they see it as a sign of strength or courage. Food for thought?
@Aaron - do you think that you have made improvements in yourself over the last 2 years? As far as shaking it all... with small steps over time; nothing real can be solved overnight. While I understand what you are saying in your post, you actually do have relationships with those you associate with and that includes your friends. Rejection is a topic unto itself, so won't write anything here. But I will comment on the "aura of death". In a session with my psych. we looked a predispositions, perpetuating factors etc. The sheet on which my psych filled out, I would take home, and I showed my wife, so both she and I know what was on that page. While my wife did not bat a eyelid when she read it, for myself, it was "am I really like that". So if your MHP said that to you, did you then reply ... "I don't want to be like that, how do I change that?".
And on the same topic of aura of death... If I had a picture in my mind like this .... bottom half is colored poison green, and the top half is poison purple, and the green blend into the purple; and there are blacks and greys scattered within. The bottom half is like a swampland. And in the middle is a person, totally grey, featureless, and floating. Would you say that image represents an aura of death?
That is an image that I carry with me in my mind, but I worked out how to live with it. I cannot yet throw it away (tried!), so I have accepted it, as a thought/image.
A little faith, patience, and be kind to yourself, and allow yourself time...
Tim
