Over-stimulating the Senses - Addiction to Adrenaline and Beta Endorphins?

[Just Sara]

Hi all;

I've been self assessing for a long time now, and have come across an habitual need to stimulate myself with dysfunctional thoughts that prop me up or give a perception I'm not small or insignificant at all; feeling powerful and a winner.

On the flip side, I've also had thoughts that bring me down (too big for my boots) causing a 'normal' feeling of being average or small/insignificant...safe from ridicule or punishment.

We've all had those fantasies of kicking the winning goal or standing on a podium with trophy in hand sucking up the acclaim and cheers from the crowd. But what if those fantasies turned into yelling at someone until they were on their knees leaving you feeling pumped and superior? Or maybe getting in between parents to fend off upcoming violence and be the hero?

Isolating myself has turned my world inward where I play out the day in my head. This is where I've been living and getting to be on top, or berate myself into submission.

The other noticeable factor is the adrenaline or beta endorphin rush I can have from this; undetected until recently due to the normality of 'feeling' this way.

Looking for a discussion peep's...your thoughts?

Sara

[Just Sara]

Keeping the home fires burning Corny...Luv and safe travels...Sconnor xoxoxox

[Cornstarch]

Thanks Sara,

I'm am currently wearing my head piece, known as The Amygdala Hug, it kind of looks like a sleeping bag rolled up and tied firmly around the crown of my head with a skipping rope. I also have eighties fluro orange sunnies on. I am outside and I have been sighted by authorities. Tonight it will have fairy lights draped around it and I will be lit up accordingly.

As such there is only one thing to do, and that is to hear about other people's misery and how it is translated into tunes on the Unearthed website. I will trawl through those beats until midnight.

I tell ya, some of this music coming outta Australian bedrooms is damn good. One song was so funky that by the end of it I was naked.

Naked, wearing an Amygdala Hug.

[Just Sara]

Some things just aren't meant to be said out loud...ahh ha ha...but then I wouldn't be able to visualise it..uh oh...naughty!

So glad you're safe and in good form Cornucopia! Music is food for your soul...continue with grace lovely

...candle burning in the window to find your way home and return to us...

Sconnor xoxoxox

[Cornstarch]

What can I say Sara I am one of those people that secretly loved school detention. I loved it.

Wednesday on another thread has warmed to my gallows humour re all things mental illness, some days I just don't know any other way to cope. I suppose it de-personalises it.

In the end we are all ridiculous.

Never want to take myself too seriously.

[1113]

Godspeed corny!

Nice to see ya sconnor!

Peace and unconditional love to all

Matt

[Just Sara]

Hey six! Or Matt it seems..

Great profile pic!!

I'm going off grid now to eat my way back into my mind...it's gone on a break. Adrenaline is the only thing keeping me going...that and caffeine.

Sconnor xoxoxo x

[Cornstarch]

Hey Sara and 1113,

Sara enjoy whatever you are cooking, but most of all get outta ya head, outta cyber world and out into the world of beings. Are you on social apps/meetups/hook-ups/whatever ups or downs this crazy cat WWW has to offer yet? Don't answer. Just do women. I don't wanna see you here for a week at least.

1113, I am not religious but I have religious friends, they make the best homosexual cracks ever and I make the best Christian cracks ever. Thank you for your loving intention, I had one of those runs tonight where all the grief in my little lungs percolated to the surface and the tears starting rolling at the traffic lights. Did any Yuppie in Sydney offer me a tissue or a wet one. No they did not.

Thank you

Corny xxxx

[1113]

Morning Corny and sconnor,

I'm not really religious either. Was raised a Christian. But I don't believe that one god is the true god. Everybody's beliefs are valid. Godspeed is just a way of wishing you a safe journey.

Sconnor I hope your break was enlightenment..when I have some time I will read through this thread and try to catch up.

I'm going for my Coffee now.

Have a geat day

Matt

[Starwolf]

I'm with you, Corny, I have worked and played with the animal world all my life. Nothing like it to rub one's nose in the ridiculousness of human condition-ning ! Living in the wilderness and with a pack of dogs whose spirit hasn't been broken by "selective breeding" never lets me forget it. It's enough to trigger a good howl...

And this, we often do. Nothing wrong with cavorting starkers in the moonlight either. Quite often, we just lie on our stomach and elbows, the chattering mind silenced...just being, becoming one with it all. Peace.

Disconnecting the mind, plugging into the Universe has always been the best way I could recharge a flat battery. It can of course be done anywhere. Except in our head.

[Just Sara]

Well said Everyone!

Considering this is the over/self stimulating addiction thread, I may as well confess my sins to all and sundry.

Hi, my name is Sara and I'm an addict..

(Crowd claps) Hi Sara!

I've become accustomed to your face/s. What next? Radiation poisoning I dare say. I was up till 6am tap tap tapping away till my little red eyes couldn't go on. I got up 1/2 hr ago with night-shift blues.

I'm really concerned about this. All jokes aside, I want my life back. This laptop has become a substitute for reality and has replaced my ill mind when it too took up all my time and energy. Why you might ask?

I don't know how to withdraw anymore. Star...I so admire your ability to shine with isolation as your backdrop. I'm on the outer edge of suburbia within 5 min's to anything. My family are close, yet I feel so alone. (tears..)

The stimulation that comes with sitting here has become precious; connecting with everyone and pulling me away from my gaol cell. I'm becoming somewhat agoraphobic and am aware of it. But self awareness isn't enough.

The feelings aren't good, but I've been here before. I lack conversation and touch. Yes Corny...I know...get out there and 'do' some women. Green is my colour lovely; green and yellow...inexperience and cowardess.

I get on here and reply to those poor souls at 3 and 4am who can't find peace and need solace and reassurance. I should be writing to myself! Yes, it gives me value and worth, but at what cost? I've been contributing to a thread that has my mind chemicals nearly spurting out my ears. I so enjoy stimulating my intellect.

It's given me a way to express that part of me for the first time in my life without being punished, called names or being interrupted over and again. So yes, it's alluring.

I do understand it's balance that's missing. Comprehension though still isn't enough. I've been on my own without work or others for nearly 3 yrs and it's wearing me down.

I immerse myself in 'others', so my distress and loneliness takes a back seat. Done this my whole life.

Question: Why is it so difficult to treat me as more important?

Love you all...Sara xoxo