Night Owls (for those awake late and can't sleep)

[Croix]

Dear All
The purpose of this thread is as a meeting point for those that can’t sleep and it is late (I.E. AFTER midnight.)

It can be a useful space for users to share their issues with insomnia as well as coping strategies. It can also be a general space for users to converse and support one another throughout a difficult night.

Please note – for those that are just bored or lonely we already have a place - the BB Café, which I recommend instead of here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/the-bb-cafe

Croix

[Harpbird]

If it was daylight the kids normally get the kayaks out and have a ball, last time we flooded and only had the house to stand in and watching the water rushing past under the house we seen an eel swim under, so my husband got a fishing rod and sat on verandah fishing lol was a sight.

[ecomama]

Dearest Moon, hugs. xxxx

Hey Lilly

Have you ever tried "finishing your own dream"?
I imagined you being able to summons powers to air lift the girls to you and then air lifting all of you to a beautiful safe place.

Not sure if you've seen the Call to Courage?
Brene Brown talks about "foreboding joy".... it's a really deep and interesting part of her Netflix special. I think it especially relates to parents....and stuff like that.

I think I can see a direct correlation to your dream and what Brene Brown talks about from her Research.

Expressing gratitude being one of the soothing balms and keys to living a wholehearted life as she says.

I had a pretty rough day around grief and loss.
A Memorial on Saturday that's pouring with grief already.

Did lots of self-care tonight.

Just having my last cuppa before attempting to sleep tonight.

Love to you all
EM

NB: I'm really missing Croix and hope you're okay big fella!
And you too Emo!
Sending lots of healing thoughts to you both / all.
xxxx

[Moonstruck]

Dear Unbeliever

I want to thank you sincerely for your words. No one has ever explained it to me like that...nor even acknowledged what you seem to realise just by reading my words here.

Just your saying the loss I suffered is HUGE meant so much...and telling me not to "trivialise it" ...oh the relief. because that is what I have felt some others have done...in fact, the majority of others...people who like me, people who are good friends.....perhaps it's because you and I do not know each other...you can be free to be so honest and outspoken, and so can I.....oh the relief.....thank you.

No one says "How are you dealing with the the loss of someone who truly loved you? What is it like 10 months later Moonstruck? Is it getting better, is it getting worse? Will you survive this? How bad is the pain? How can I make it better?"......NO ONE!!

to anyone reading this....perhaps you know someone who has lost a person through death? Do you feel confident in offering support to them? Or do you not mention the dead person's name to them any more? Are you afraid of how they will react? Do you tell them to take comfort in their happy memories? Do you tell them to "get out more"? Do you tell them everyone goes through this as we all get older?

Or do you tell them, as Unbeliever told me (or rather, acknowledged what I already knew) that the loss I had suffered was HUGE!

thank you again Unbeliever......

[Unbeliever]

Moonstruck

If we did know each other you would find little difference in what I voiced in person than what is written here. I am one of "those" people. Who speaks their mind too easily and is unafraid to say what I think regardless of the circumstances and therefore OFTEN upsets friends, family, acquaintances etc ... BUT who every now and again on extremely rare occasions people are unreservedly grateful for because I will do and say all the things no-one else will when they need it the most.

Which means that during the "good/happy times" I am really not great to be friends with (arguably terrible in fact) and probably most of the time not worth being around at all. But when the crap hits the fan in your life... most want someone exactly like me by their side and wonder what they would ever have done if I hadn't been there to help them. I'm "that guy", for better or for worse.

"Darkness" has its definite disadvantages, but it does have its advantages too. It prepares you for the worst of times. It allows you to think about "what you would do if X happens" that most others will do anything not to think about EVER. Until of course something inevitably happens and they don't know what to do or how to cope with it... and make things worse or even not manage to "step up" at all. This especially becomes apparent when such situations happen not to them but to a loved one instead.

Which comes to why I am actually writing this post...

Mortality is something that most "good people" avoid thinking about as much as is physically possible for as long as possible. And this means that to try and help you fully regarding losing someone you love is problematic for them. Because to do it properly or on a regular basis means contemplating their own mortality as well. And generally speaking... people are TERRIBLE as this.

It is not their fault. It is not "wrong" of them. It is just an unfortunate fact.

On top of that, normal people are not professionals and worry that "bringing it up" is like rubbing salt into the wound and causing you pain. It rarely occurs to them that by never talking about the person who has died and acting like they never existed... hurts you SO MUCH MORE than anything else could. That this is the worst possible thing that they could do.

And they don't realise this because... they are just good normal people who don't want to hurt you anymore than you are already hurting. Which is ironic really.

Oh, and you never need to "thank" me. It is unnecessary.

[Unbeliever]

Oh, and Moonstruck,

How are you dealing with the loss of someone who you truly loved and who truly loved you? What is it like 10 months later Moonstruck? Are you gradually feeling better? Or are some aspects getting worse for you? Do you feel that you are able to cope? Or do you still sometimes feel afraid that you are going to fall apart? Is there anything that I or anyone else can do to make things better or easier for you?

*PLEASE NOTE - I am aware that this response post and the others above are not related to the theme of the original thread... and I do apologise. I don't wish to derail this thread but I was compelled to respond to certain things that Moonstruck spoke about.

Therefore Moonstuck... I DO want you to respond to the questions I have posed above. But perhaps it would be better to create a new thread in which to respond to them, rather than on this one so our conversation does not hijack this thread any further and it can resume as intended.

Perhaps a "Coping with the Loss of Loved Ones after Time has Passed" thread?... or something similar?

Just a thought...

[Moonstruck]

Yes I realised we were off topic...I do have a thread about grief called " Never done this before"...I'll go back there in future..(have fun all you Night Owls)...

[Guest_1643]

hi all

a therapist told me once upon a time about finishing a dream

can't remember who it was

tried it a few times....

does anyone else have when they don't sleep for a while (or have a few bad nights sleep - or in my case a few bad years sleep)

when they do finally get a good, proper night's rest... it seems that the body freaks out and is so grateful for the sleep it just wants more... resulting in, paradoxically, winding up more tired than one felt on no sleep?

Like u sleep well, and then suddnely are madly exhausted can barely function - when u'd been functioning on no-sleep for a while?

I slept well for 2 nights and the next day could barely keep my eyes open or concentrate... was so so tired

[Guest_1584]

Well l must say my trainings back on track and going really well , matter of fact l'm like a big bay by 1 oclock these days .

From yrs of seeing the sun come up to a solid 6 or 7hrs a night mostly 12 mths now , it still feels surreal,. Lost a few mths awhile back mainly with bad thoughts so l couldn't sleep be if l did l'd dream them but thats sorted again now and l'm mostly sleeping like a log. It's strange though bc ironically l'm always bloody tired now especially at night yet l sleep now. l often wake up really heavy headed too in the morning , l mean l thought we'd bounce out of bed with sleep, l was never tired before when l didn't sleep, what's that about , no clue.

rx

[Guest_1055]

Anyone awake it's just about 15 minutes after midnight here. I am laying here swishing coconut oil, clove and peppermint oil in my mouth. It helps with the ache and appears to make my teeth whiter.

I ate some chocolate a while ago, which I know keeps me awake at night. Even that little bit of caffeine in it.

The fan is blowing on me, I like movement of air around me and the soft noise of it going around. Comforting I guess.

[Guest_1584]

Yep about but l'll need to go find something to entertain me for awhile yet thennnnn, l shall sleep.

rx