Night Owls (for those awake late and can't sleep)

[Croix]

Dear All
The purpose of this thread is as a meeting point for those that can’t sleep and it is late (I.E. AFTER midnight.)

It can be a useful space for users to share their issues with insomnia as well as coping strategies. It can also be a general space for users to converse and support one another throughout a difficult night.

Please note – for those that are just bored or lonely we already have a place - the BB Café, which I recommend instead of here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/the-bb-cafe

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Lillylane,

Its horrible waking from a bad dream in panic...I often have bad dreams....My Counsellor told me when I wake up and I’m having a panic attack due to bad dreams....to first deep breathe...then for me to get up..have a drink and read a book, listen to some good music that I know the words to and sing a long....or to find something to do that will re direct my thoughts away from the bad dream.....Then when I feel settled to go back into bed with some gentle music playing that I can listen to while I fall asleep....I prefer sleep stories...or a short audiobook to listen to....

I can sleep okay once I fall asleep....my problem is I just don’t like going to bed or sleep...I end up trying to stay awake then fight with myself each night to go to bed and sleep.....Some nights are better then others..

I hope your okay now and your back asleep...

Good night dear friends..

Grandy..

[Lillylane]

Hi Grandy

Thanks for your helpful message.

I ended up reading for a bit until I got sleepy again and did fall back to sleep. I’ll try sleep stories some time too, that sounds like a good help.

Lately I seem to fall asleep ok, but wake up a few times during the night.

Thank you again and wishing you and other ‘night owls’ a good sleep.

Lillylane

[Moonstruck]

Unbeliever...your last post to me, I could really relate to. I felt I wanted to read it again this morning and believe you've nailed my current circumstances quite accurately. You are right. When he was alive, all this stuff and commitments and plans, weather, tasks, quite minor things ( as well as the major ones) I took all in my stride...no effort...just fell into place. Isn't that peculiar?

The only difference between last year and this one, is that another human has left the planet. His leaving has no direct effect on these day to day tasks, the weather or which day to make my dental appointment. I have an outing coming up which always was pleasurable for me (not involving my partner at all) and I find myself getting nervous and agitated about it..

I am working out what to wear, because I don't know if it will be cool or warm tonight, raining or not? What time will I leave? How long does it take me to drive there? It seems much easier to give it a miss altogether and stay in my cosy private unit with the familiar TV announcers who are always friendly to me, and my cat (who likes me to stay at home) knowing exactly how the night will progress.....much safer! I would regret it terribly if I did this, so I must go.

Thank you again for putting things so clearly for me......

[Unbeliever]

Moonstruck,

That we have a habit of "not having to think" about the details of day to day small things IS exactly what happens when we exist in a comfort zone. This is not only normal... it is as normal as it gets. It's not peculiar at all.

This "only difference" is a HUGE one. This is not just a mere "another human" we are talking about. This is a significant part of your entire world. An essential component of your own personal sphere of existence. A vital and unavoidable absence and void that you can FEEL that has been created in your life on both small "trivial" levels and also on a major level as a whole.

This is no small thing. It cannot be so easily trivialised. Sure for the rest of the world who did not know them or ever have the opportunity to interact with them (and therefore was not part of their "experience" in living) this absence is not apparent or even noticeable... and mere faceless statistic like so many others. On a world scale the Earth keeps turning as if they were never here at all.

But this is not true for you. In YOUR world... it is unavoidably missing something vital. Important. Something that made everything all the more sweeter and worthwhile. And trying to find a way for your world to "keep turning as normal"... is not so simple. This major shift is difficult... and it should be. It should shake the Earth beneath your feet. Your world has destabilised... and now you are yearning to get it under control again. To be standing on stable ground.

Please don't trivialise it. See it for what it is. Because this is the only way you truly heal.

[Unbeliever]

It is kind of like. Since you were born, you have been able to breathe without ever thinking about it. The process has always been completely automatic, easy and effortless. But suddenly one day, just to keep breathing you have to actually concentrate consciously on it for it to work normally... In and out, in and out, in and out.
Something that has always been unconscious and effortless... suddenly requires attention to function as it normally would. And it feels tiring and time consuming to do... but you still need to do it regardless.

This is what is happening to you. You are trying to learn to breathe again without having to focus attention on it for it to happen. But because right now it takes effort it feels hard and burns up too much energy. It feels like the "effort to benefit" ratios are unbalanced and therefore "too much trouble" and that it's not worth the effort.

But it is worth the effort, because that is how you learn to breathe effortlessly without thinking again. It just takes practice.

I know it is difficult. But try your best to realise again that not everything unexpected is terrible. That surprises can be wonderful. That getting caught out in the rain and feeling it on your skin when only wearing a flimsy shirt CAN be a worthwhile experience in of itself. That not always being perfectly prepared for every little thing can be freeing. That if you could somehow predict everything that could ever happen to you in advance would make living less... not more.

That sometimes choosing to go "nowhere in particular" and somewhere unfamiliar can lead to treasures that you would never have discovered if you only followed the same roads all of your life.
Sometimes not only allowing things to be out of your control but WANTING them to be is the only way to ever be truly free...

"Total control" does feel safe. But in many ways it is also a prison. A very secure and stable prison. But a prison none-the-less.

I wish you a safe journey... hopefully full of unexpected and wonderful surprises Moonstruck.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Lillylane and others

[Harpbird]

Hey there, any one awake? I am on flood duty . Had so much rain the water is now under the house and at the first step. Everywhere on our couple acres is under water. Our poor cat can’t work out how to get off. High tide is at 1.45am so the water definitely won’t drain out to the creek and will just back up. Oh well Atleast we won’t have to mow for a while

[Guest_4643]

I'm awake

[Ggrand]

Hi Harpbird, Tayla and all...

Reading your post about being flooded reminded me of a YouTube vid I saw a few months ago of flooded areas where. people in row boasts rowing along the roadway....on one vid a young boy was behind a rowboat holding onto a rope while he was being towed behind on a body board...

I hope your home is safe from the flood water..

[Harpbird]

You watch telly or read while your awake